if you want a friend in Westminster, get a dog

Comrades,

Theresa May note to self:

"There is no such thing as 'friends' in Northern Ireland; if you want a friend in Westminster, get a dog".


You'll need one Tessa.
You have no 'friends' left in the Conservative party.
In one fell swoop, you've managed to destroy their guaranteed three-year majority in an entirely unnecessary election, putting party above state in a naked grab for power, which we now know backfired in an awfully spectacular fashion.
Never, ever, underestimate the electorate's ability to see straight through you.
She's managed to turn the House of Commons into an ugly unwieldy outrageous uncontrollable rabble.
If there's one thing the Tories don't do it's get angry; they get furious.
To say that Tory Tess is a "dead woman walking" - as no less than five serving Ministers of the Crown have said in private over the Queen's Birthday long weekend - is a serious understatement.
Can't remember the last British PM who stuck around for just 11 months in office, before getting it in the neck from her own kind.
That's what happens when you deliver a hung Parliament.
Minority government is not fun Ms May, you should give Julia Gillard a ring - she'll tell you.
And just who are Tessa's 'friends' in Northern Ireland, anyway?
The 'right-wing ultra-conservative' Democratic Unionist Party, that's who.
These people have form, and lots of it.
Founded back in '71 by that crazed protestant fundamentalist, the Rev. Ian Paisley; the worst, ugliest, bitterest, nastiest wackjob in British politics in living memory.
A ghastly and appalling human being, who operated under the cloak of the clergy, for gawd's sake.
By rights the DUP should be banned.
Although they won't tell you, they still have direct links with the outlawed Ulster Defence Association (UDA), also known as the Ulster Freedom Fighters, who along with the Ulster Volunteer Force, all answered to the terrorist organisation known as the Combined Loyalist Military Command during the almost quarter-century long "Troubles".
Of course, these dudes were the arch-enemies of another paramilitary gun-toting bomb-throwing terrorist organisation, known as the Provisional Irish Republican Army, and both sides had political wings throughout.
What a great bunch of mates the DUP will be, as the Sinn Féin MP's still to this very day refuse to sit in the House of Commons as a matter of principle.
They want no part of it.
These people, Tess, are not to be fucked with under any circumstances whatsoever, and are not that flash a crowd to be seen in the company of.
Light the blue touchpaper, and stand well clear.
To give you some idea, here's the Rev. Paisley back in the day, having changed out of his dog-collar and into his full campaigning clobber.

Enough said.
On a lighter note, as Britarse affairs of state go down the S-Bend, at least it's pleasing to see that the the Miracle of Democracy in the British Isles still allows for, nay, encourages eccentricity.
I have very fond memories of the late, great Screaming Lord Sutch, Leader of Official Monster Raving Loony Party [OMRLP] who spent his entire political career mercilessly skewering and lampooning self-important politicians, the arses of which the sun shone out of.
I think Lord Sutch still holds the world record for contesting the most number of elections without ever being elected to anything.
The Official Monster Raving Loony Party [est. 1983] is, of course, not to be confused with the upstart Raving Loony Green Giant Party, a faction of the OMRLP, that splintered off from the original party in 1989, or the Rock 'n' Roll Loony Party, which also broke away from the OMRLP, following the death of Screaming Lord Sutch in 1999.
The current leader of the OMRLP is Howling Laud Hope, who at age 74 campaigning on a platform of "vote for insanity" snared 119 votes in Tory Tessa's seat of Maidenhead; a very creditable 0.2% of the vote, after a howling good campaign.
But, here's the OMRLP's candidate in Red Jerry's constituency of Islington North, Knigel Knapp, hanging about trying to get in camera shots while the vote is being counted.

I have absolutely no idea what the Independent candidate Mr Fishfinger is on about, but you would imagine that he is a major-leauge supporter of battered British haddock, or perhaps he is more in favour of the European Union line on crumbed and deep fried seafood extender.
And chips
I could be wrong.
But here is the candidate himself in the Westmoorland & Lonsdale tally room, as he anxiously awaited the results.

With this mob going 'round, anything could, and will, happen.
Bless.