Comrades,
As I predicted when Nick the Greek left the Senate of his own accord to return home [no need to go via the High Court], there was an outside chance he could become the Premier of the Great State of New South Wowser.
The glory of riding back into town like some kind of knight mounted upon a white steed with a sandwich board really appeals to him, it seems to me.
I'm sure that is his aim - grab the top provincial job by hook or by crook [otherwise, why would he be in it?] and then Ban the Pokies and Close the Pubs.
Nick would ban bonking too if he were in charge.
He's probably a Methodist also, and doesn't like dancing either.
No problem, just ban it.
It's as if its Old Home Week in Adelaide.
It's so easy to forget that Nick terrorised the upper house of the South Australian Parliament for more than ten years as leader of the No Pokies ticket [How much has been achieved, Nick? SA still has about 12,000 poker machines, doesn't it?], and then did the same for Canberra, but even he in the end couldn't hold his own in a house full of wackjobs & misfits, as more loopy folk than you could poke a stick at started getting elected to the Senate.
There are others in on the scam now; "preference whisperers" are a dime a dozen.
A bloody circus, it is, so he decided to take his ball and go home.
So there's a 20+ year political apprenticeship right there for Nick "No Win No Fee" Xenophon & Co.
He didn't come down in the last shower.
But for mine, you can never trust those shifty lawyer types; too prone to hectoring and getting on their hobby horses [and, Joisus, he's got a few], and in Nick's case, silly stunts.
God, I wonder if he will parade a goat on a rope down the Rundle Mall urging punters not to "kid about" with their vote this time around?
Don't mention the mule/donkey thing, or someone will dob Nick into the RSPCA and try to pin animal cruelty on him.
Still, the SABEST experiment should be a good one, as Xenophon knows that all he needs to do is pinch a few marginal seats off the Liberals, safe in the knowledge that they're full of flip-flopping voters, while all Pinko Uncle Jay has to do is hold the Labor heartland and job's right, job's done.
Just keep beating Tories, Mr Weatherill, and let the others get on with splitting the Conservative vote and throwing away some bargaining chips.
According to Nick there will be "no cosy backroom deals", "no power-sharing arrangements", "no compromises" [unless, of course, you agree to implement his scattergun agenda - but what do you actually stand for, Nick? Apart from the simple pleasures of holding people over a barrel. Have you ever kept a bastard honest?]
Don Dunstan would be revolving in his grave.
According to Don, the Miracle of Democracy works best if it's a straight out knuckle-fight between left & right.
You can run all the side issues you like, but there must be a solid platform
And don't get Nick started on wind power OK?; hates it, reckons wind turbines ruin people's lives - the constant woosh, woosh, woosh of the blades rots yr brain - and he's looking to be Premier of a state that puts a massive wack of renewable energy into the grid?
Now, if you mention this opposition to wind farms on the basis of the mental impairment of the people who live near them, Nick will accuse you having a "brain fart".
Go figure.
Harnessing the breeze?
Shootin' the breeze?
What the?
Whatever, just ban it.
In Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail [1972], Hunter S.Thompson advocates taking the Miracle of Democracy very seriously at the retail level, as he contends that fully 25% of voters have no idea who they are going to vote for until they see a campaign poster that appeals to them, which you must then re-reinforce at the polling stations by plastering as many you can all over the shop on the day of the vote without earning the ire of the Electoral Commissioner's deputy.
And it's always the face that does it when you say "vote for me", so it better be a great shot of your good side; the slogan comes a distant second.
It's excellent that the candidates in the Rust Belt election know this, and have continued to uphold the grand tradition of South Australians outdoing themselves.
Some nice Stobie Pole action.
As always, a quality field there.
And there's still three weeks to go in this one...
[Photo's. Instagram: ShitAdelaide/Betoota Advocate. Twitter: Rod Moffat]
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