a pure unashamed Fascist agenda

Comrades,

You may have got a robo-text from the former Honourable Member for Fairfax, Clive Palmer, or seen one or two of his billboards recently, ahead of the upcoming Federal Election. But the burning question is - where did he get the $50M quoted by the Sydney Morning Herald to fund his "election war chest"? I thought the wack-job was bankrupt, and didn't have two burnt-out model dinosaurs to rub together? Did not Queensland Nickel go down the S-bend, with the loss of hundreds of jobs, and then he wrote it off as a tax loss? His Coolum golf course lies in ruins, abandoned. And that's just the start of it. He's being sued left, right and centre, and he must owe his lawyers millions, as he's also a well known vexatious litigant. He hasn't appeared on the Forbes Rich List since 2014. What makes him think anyone would care two shits about him nowadays? What's in it for him anyway? The Palmer United Party was de-registered in 2017, but he suddenly took an renewed-interest in politics for reasons unknown again last year, re-registering the schemozzle as the United Australia party and threatening to run candides in all 151 seats. So just who is the puppet-master pulling the strings here?

He's most likely turned to the randomly generated text caper and "outdoor", because his social media is utterly hopeless and incoherent. His Twitter account is unintelligible, and he modestly describes himself as a "National Living Treasure". I kid you not...

His Twitter account says he has 80K followers which would ordinarily qualify him as an "influencer" - but how many Twitter bots has be bought? You can purchase fake Twitter followers in bulk for less than ten cents each. He's got 198,840 alleged "likes" on Facebook - same story - but here's the real deal - the great steaming turd has got a grand total of 774 followers on Instagram - the true arbiter of all things important in the Brave New World. And his Instagram account - where air brushing and perfect photo filtering is de rigueur - makes Clive's effort look truly bizarre. If anyone can work out what the hell this is all about, please tell me...

All that aside, it seems the obese demented buffoon is running a pure unashamed Fascist agenda. And why not, when right wing popularism is on the rise world wide? Let's build those very fast trains and run them precisely to timetable just like My Mate Mussolini did, lower land prices will be achieved by expelling all the Muslims and Chinese and offering cheap housing blocks east of Marble bar, and reducing traffic congestion is a simple one - send every old car to the wreckers, with only The Authorities allowed to drive around in swanky vehicles.

Saw this one on the New Canterbury Road in Hurlstone Park the other day; poor choice of location, Clive - the workers on that building site next door have ladders a plenty. And spray cans. Go you good Pinko's...

In the interim, the interesting times that lay ahead are barely warming up in mid-January, with good ol' Uncle Bill emulating the PM by taking the Pinko Bus on a whirlwind tour of the "battleground state" Queensland, while ScoMo last week took a Grand Tour of South Pacific nations to shore up Australia as the 'friend of choice' in the face of "creeping Chinese influence", dropping in on Fiji and Vanuatu. The main talking point in Fiji was some terrorista banged up forever in a Turkish jail who'd just had his Australian passport marked CANCELLED, but he also claims to have dual Fijian citizenship, but the Fijians said they knew nothing about it, cared less, and they weren't expecting the bloke to turn up under the swaying palms on their sandy beaches anytime soon. Your problem, not ours.

A serving Australian PM has not visited Vanuatu since Bob Hawke 19 years ago, but ScoMo - God bless him - made the best decision of his Premiership by announcing in Port Vila that he plans to abolish the current 2kg restriction on the importation of Kava for personal use. It's now it's gonna be open slather. As Our Glorious Leader says, two kilograms is barely enough for "a family gathering in Western Sydney". ScoMo said the decision was made because "the issue is very important to Vanuatu". Der. Of course it is, as Vanuatu is the world's leading exporter of Kava, and for the connoisseur, the debate about whether the best Kava comes from the island of Tanna or from Pentecost will continue for all eternity, as sugar bags of the stuff turn up on the next boat and pile up on the wharves. Oh, to have a nakamal just around the corner. Tax breaks for Kava bars would be a huge vote winner among the Melanesian diasapora. Remember that, ScoMo.

I wonder what the Bislama phrase is for Total Wally: "im belong dikhed"?