The Rt. Hon. Stanley Bruce, The Viscount Bruce of Melbourne, 8th Prime Minister of Australia.
Comrades,
The Chief Clown of the House of Representatives, the Hon. Christopher Pyne, has excelled even his extraordinarily high standards this time, by referring to the Govts. recent defeat on the floor of the House for the first time in a vote that mattered since 1929 thus:
"What the Opposition and the crossbenchers have done today… is decided that they don't care about the Australian constitution...they don't care about the Westminster traditions that form the basis of our constitution and our parliamentary system...and I would remind the House that the English fought a civil war over this matter."
Yeah right mate, whatever you say. Not too sure that The Roundheads and The Cavaliers would have been all that worried about some poor sick reffo's who've been locked up in the cruel tropics with no recourse to justice for years on end and have come down with berri-berri, for all I know.
ScoMo could do worse than to take pause and reflect on the experience of the 8th Prime Minister, The Rt. Hon. Stanley Bruce, The Viscount Bruce of Melbourne - the last Tory to lose a vote on the floor.
Stan came from a family of rich dudes - spawned by Old Melbourne Money and leaders of the Squattocracy - and he moved in the most Conservative of circles, competing in the 1904 Boat Race during a tragic yoof, before getting a schooling in The Law and heading up the choicely named Nationalist Party-Country Party Coalition [some things never change]. Stan found his way to the Prime Ministership essentially by default [just like our current Glorious Leader] back in '23 at the age of 40. He then proceeded to flood the country with Pommy immigrants for cheap labour, borrowed money hand over fist anywhere he could, imposed hefty tariffs, and produced Australia's first in-defecit budget in '27. He also finished off building Canberra, for which he should probably never be forgiven. Perhaps his proudest moment was being awarded Life Membership of the Royal Melbourne Golf Club.
More to the point here tho', the Pinko's were causing Stan a whole lot of trouble, with the rabid Waterside Workers Union turning the docks into a bloody shit-fight, and he outraged the general public by attempting to impose a "bread and circuses tax" which caused an outcry in the entertainment industry at the back end of The Roaring Twenties when they were all living like there's no tomorrow; never mind that trade barriers were beserk and debt was through the roof. But in the end it was the Maritime Industries Bill 1929 that got the bastard. Bruce declared he would consider losing the bill on the floor of the house as a vote of no confidence in the Govt. The bill went down in a screaming heap. He called a snap election, and on Saturday 12 October 1929 copped a gigantic tusk up the runter from the electorate - a complete rout, an explosive flameout. Not only did the Nationalist-Country Party mob lose half their seats in the Reps [there was no Senate election], but Stan lost his own seat as well - a feat that wasn't repeated by a serving PM 'til Honest John in 2007, and the Pinko's triumphed with that Commie Jimmy Scullin moving in to take over the reins. [Jimmy was one of the very few who had for years predicted the coming of the Great Depression - the Wall St Crash happened just two days after Jim was sworn in as PM - no surprise he didn't last long]. The Miracle of Democracy was pretty robust back then.
Apologies for dusting off the li'l history books there, but all of those things are potential possibilities right here right now in 2019. It's difficult to pinpoint a Govt that's been more on the nose with the poor suffering taxpayer in living memory. Anyway, history repeats, generally like a very off fart. All ScoMo can really hope for in the already-begun election campaign is for the Good Ship Tampa to loom up on the horizon again, and then he can personally throw some children overboard just to prove his point that people are so desperate to get into Australia by boat, when the vast majority of illegal immigrants go by air - sneaking in on tourist visa's at Kingsford-Smith Airport in their tens of thousands and never leaving. Campaigning on a "Fuck-Off-We're-Full" platform won't wash with an electorate who are getting wise about the Stop The Boats mantra while still having absolutely no idea why ScoMo is PM in the first place. None. Clueless.
Perhaps the best sight - apart from Whiney Pyney frothing at the mouth - during all the horsetrading was that of the quintessential Pinko numbers man Anthony Albanese chewing the ear off Dr. Kerryn Phelps on the crossbenches, reminding her that you've gotta get the vote. Uncle Bill can count his lucky stars that he's got DJ Albo shoving the cogs in the gearbox and whirring the abacus for him to make sure the numbers stack up. For a man who lists his only hobby in Who's Who as "beating Tories", Albo is working in the safe and sure knowledge that with a thumping Labor majority in the next House, all the Independent wackjobs and loonbags who will get elected and tip hard-line right-wingers like Half-Term Tony out of their seats, won't matter a twit. Because, he'll have the numbers and there will be no balance of power. Cop that.
Albo & Phelpsy on the crossbenches, 12 Feb 2019.
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