Comrades,
By complete chance late on Monday afternoon I found myself tootling along Art Gallery Rd with a couple of out-of-towners in the motor who somehow knew the Chinese navy was in town. I didn't know. Sydney didn't know. We weren't told. I wondered aloud "d'ya'reckon the RAN fired a few warning shots over their bows before giving them clear passage thru' to Woolloomooloo Bay, y'know, just for the fun of it?". As we swung around Mrs Macquarie's Chair, past the flock of Chinese tourists taking selfies with the sun setting behind The Bridge, there they were. Tied up front and centre at Garden Island. The dude next to me remarked "they're a darker shade of battleship grey". And in very good nick too, they are, compared to a couple of our rusting old hulks that'd been shoved up the dock's runter to make way. While the Govt. explained it away as a "routine reciprocal visit", there were some mutterings about the very peculiar timing. Was it a none-too-subtle warning to the 27 thousand Chinese students who were given permanent residency here in a "captain's call" by RJL Hawke in the wake the Tiananmen Sq. Massacre 30 years ago that...WE ARE STILL WATCHING YOU...?
So now it all made sense. Our Great and Glorious Leader tapped on the shoulder by the Grand Poo Bah of the Dept. of Prime Minister & Cabinet and told "Foreign Affairs says you're off to Honiara!" - on his first trip abroad as a properly elected Prime Minister. ScoMo turns up with $250M in cash in the cargo hold of RAAF One in what another confidant described as "shame money" for doing jack shit in the South Pacific for so many decades. And it's taken until now for Straya to prick up its ears only because China is spending billions, not millions, on 'soft power'. The fact that it's taken eight years for a Prime Minister of any stripe to show up and review The Royal Solomon Islands Police Force's finest on parade is empty symbolism at best, but make no mistake, these things are noticed in the Islands, even tho' rare appearances are the norm. While we're now busy sinking money into roads and bridges instead of health and education, there's nothing in it for places like Tokelau [just as an example of many] where global warming is already a catastrophe and they will soon enough cease to exist as their islands sink beneath the waves. What happens then to the thousands of "climate change refugees"? Swim? With the Hon. Mr Penis Head Dutton currently in Sri Lanka holding up a big banner saying "Stop The Boats", that's just about their only option.
When I was last in Vanuatu two years ago and Samoa last year there was a robust debate going on in both countries about Chinese aid and investment, which locals freely admit to being conflicted about - the plain obvious benefits, as well as the significant downside of sinking further into what they already largely have - a "dependent economy". It's a fraught business. At the risk of repeating myself, the obvious problem with Australia's attitude to the South Pacific is that it is still deeply rooted in colonialism, of which the Islanders, with good reason, are very leery. Foreign Affairs seems to forget most of these joints have been independent for 50 years or more [with the glaring exceptions of New Caledonia and West Papua], and are perfectly capable of determining who's money is going to do the talking. Besides, there's no votes in what we do in Paradise, but there certainly are in fear, in this case, the rapacious Yellow Peril.
So of course, after his token cash splash-down in the Solomons, ScoMo's next port of call was, you guessed it, The Heart of the Empire - for an audience with The Queen. No doubt Queenie would have asked "What's shaking in the Solomon's, Scott? Me and Phil haven't been there since we cruised through on the Royal Yacht Britannia, back '74? They were rock'n'roll times, weren't they?". They would have talked of nothing else. Just like Australia, The Queen remains head of state in the Solomons, with the Guvna-General, Sir Frank Kabui, her man on the ground there. All very appropriate. ScoMo gave the Queen an autographed copy of the biography of the racehorse Winx [rrp $44.95], while ScoMo got a ukulele so he can bang out those Hawaiian toons he's so fond of as one of his party tricks from Manasseh Sogavare, who's now into his fourth non-consecutive stint as the Solomon's PM. All very appropriate.
It's been a big week for the 93 year old; hosting a State Dinner at Buck Pal for the Trumpotus would have been utterly exhausting in its excruciation, and then The Donald's best buddy ScoMo turns up for tea. "God", she would have asked her Private Secretary, "what on earth next?".
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