foreign policy and sexy business

 

Comrades,

What a week on the Campaign Trail! One of the best ever. Next to no policy on offer, with the meejah obsessed over two issues that have absolutely no votes in them - foreign policy and sexy business. Gawd Almighty. Oh, and scare campaigns. Don't get me wrong, I'm an enormous fan of putting the frighteners on big blocs of votes. Pensioners, ideally. But you really should put off scaring the living bejesus out of people until the last week of the Campaign. They've gone way too early here, for mine, and it's all been pretty half-cocked anyway. Not much traction going on. Not even stopping the boats is garnering much attention anymore. Not when we're crying out for people to come here! No one seems to realise the Tories have given us a bad name "overseas". They know what's happened here in the last two years, and they're not keen on it. Of much more import is the Kid President of France winning re-election to a second five year term, with the far right's Le Pen now a washed up spent force. Macron could always rely on the Commo's to get his arse comfortably over the line, and he knew it. Didn't even have to campaign, really. And in even more pleasing developments in the Miracle of Democracy, one of the most respected statesmen in the world, Nobel laureate José Ramos-Horta, has been elected to another shot at the presidency of East Timor after "the most peaceful election campaign I have ever seen". A fine man with a firm handshake, José returns as a national hero and shining embodiment of the War of Independence at a crucial moment in East Timor's history, two decades on. All power to his oars.

Another diplomatic blunder in the South Pacific comes as absolutely no surprise to anyone. I've been banging on for decades about how the Island people have been so shabbily treated by Australia for nigh on two centuries...for fark's sake, the freakin' broken record hasn't been changed for ages! Never mind that it shits me to tears. In the geo-politics of the thing, ScoMo has probably not made a close study of Guadalcanal as the "choke point" of the Pacific, but some terrible business went on there back in '42; very bad things happened when two great powers went head-to-head and toe-to-toe over it. The geography hasn't changed much. No need to look further than that to see why China really likes it as an ally. Nobody said anything about the cash. Still, you have to remember they burnt down Chinatown in Honiara not once, but twice - our Feds were in there only the other day to sort things out on the street...so who the hell knows what's going on in internal Solomon Islands politics? It may just be a gambit to shore up the position of the current PM, and things could quite quickly go tits up if & when they hold elections there again, so for the Chinese, it's choose your friends wisely, Mr Ping. Still, in the grand scheme of things - even with a grinding hugely disruptive War in Europe - there are no votes in Foreign Policy. Not when yr struggling to pay the next bill as the price of everything goes up.

There's no votes in sexuality either, despite the farcical brouhaha surrounding the godawful endorsed Liberal candidate for Warringah, Katherine Deves, who is the epitome of the quality of ScoMo's "Captain's Picks". Kooky views on just about everything splashed all over the internet thingy with an evangelical zeal. The fortunes or otherwise of the transexual community is not front of mind among the habitue's of the front bars and RSL clubs or those on the factory floor. I mean really, it's not as if all gender fluid people want to be football stars, do they? By and large, they just want to be left alone to get on with their lives, don't they, and that's it? Any other party would have disendorsed Deves as a disgrace - a morally bankrupt stooge - but it won't happen as it would require ScoMo admitting a mistake, and it doesn't matter anyway. The poisoned chalice is a personal gift of the PM, Katherine. Remember these are the very people who elected the Mad Monk Tony Abbott to Parliament time and time again for decades, only to be eventually embarrassed into electing a former snow ski star, Ol' Steggers, on an independent platform - which apart from some environmental mumbo jumbo - is still thoroughly conservative. Unlike some members of the Coalition with a conscience, Steggers has never once crossed the floor and voted against the Government on any issue, as far as I know. In the unlikely event of a hung Parliament, you can be as sure as hell she won't be throwing her ring in the hat and chuck her support behind Albo. And that's all that matters in the final paralysis. Labor has never won Warringah since its inception in 1922, and they've been writing it off ever since. Nothing will change this time. 

The first of the Great Debates slipped by without anyone noticing, as it was mercifully hidden behind a pay wall. Woot! Oh, how we all pine for the free wheeling good old days of "the worm".  All you heard about it was the barking of the commentariat, who gave it to DJ Albo on a split points decision. Can we have the score cards in, ladies and gentlemen, please? Unsurprisingly, no one was rushing over to YouTube to watch the thing on replay the next day for free, as the result - and the first rule of debating is that there must always be a winner and a loser -  was already known: Pinko's 1, Hard Right Evangelicals 0. Perhaps the high point was when ScoMo thanked the Good Lord Jesus that he didn't have any spastics in the family. Choice one, Scotty. A first class example of Christian empathy, right there. Perhaps he was banking on the fact that there's no votes in the NDIS either, given that the Pentacostalists blithely ignore the turning over of the money changers tables in the temple (Matthew 21:12 etc) and deeply believe that wealth, continuous financial success and good health are a God given blessing. It's a blessing, mate, got that straight? No surprises here, move along.

And then Albo goes and gets the Covid. Seems he got a bit lazy about mixing with small children, their parents and kelpie pups at The Royal Easter Show. Social distancing is a touch difficult on the hustings unless yr wearing a space suit with funny arms. A pity really, as he'll have to make the call to his attack dogs early. But it'll give the Leader of the Opposition a bit of space to put his thinking cap on and dream up how he's going to whip up the vote, and beat those bastards home.