you gotta get the vote

Comrades,

So, the DJ Trump! presidency is a quarter over, and the poor man has been forced to cancel a celebratory golfing weekend in the balmy climes of Florida on account of the administration of Govt. is in the process of shutting down.
It's no surprise really, as that's the way it's been going for the past 12 months; America through the S-bend and out to a filthy polluted sea.
And my, how time flies when yr having fun.
It seems like only yesterday that I wandered into a random bar on the night The Donald was being swept into office by a handful of rednecks at the polls, and seeing scribbled in chalk on a blackboard above the top shelf that read:
"The Edge...there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over - HST".
What the pea-brain rattling inside the over-sized cranium of the Trumpotus has failed to understand is that while you can rig the Electoral College all you like, and a little birdie might be constantly singing 'tweet tweet', when you get to Washington you gotta get the vote, if you need to get yr grubby mits on a single penny of Federal money.
He can't get the 60 he needs in the Senate now, and Republicans will be trounced in the November "mid-terms" and lose their majorities in both Houses, so, if he isn't already, DJ! will become a lame-duck President for his last two years in office, that's if he doesn't drop dead or resign first, or he cops it with both barrels from Bobby "Three Sticks" Mueller for foolin' 'round with them damned Ruskies and ends up in an impossible imbroglio of an impeachable position.
Oh, oh, oh, it's all so predictable...
You get the cheeseburger [hold the pickle] and diet Coke politicians you deserve, baby.

In the meantime, I note that the knitted winter woolen Pussy Hat was dusted off over the weekend for the Women's March II across The States [and the world, for that matter].
The Americans are past masters when it comes to making protest placards, in a democracy where anything goes, and free speech [even Twitter] is Constitutionally protected.
You've gotta love 'em, and after reviewing what seems like hundreds in the crowds, here are just two of my favourites.
Go girls!

and then came this

Comrades,

Things sensible have never been widely reported in the news, what with the Silly Season going well beyond its end date in Washington DC as furious arguments rage over which countries are shitholes, and which aren't.
So it was little wonder that only scant coverage emerged in the western press of South and North Korean excellencies & dignitaries sitting down to formal talks in a bit of old fashioned diplomacy over that timeless political football - sport.
Our course, the IOC has invited the North Korean Olympic Committee, their delegation and their team to the PyeongChang winter games in about three weeks time.
The IOC - which has never been political, oh no - will have anyone, now that they've pretty much lost their ability to elicit bribes.
They'll be in their element, as it's a top spot for snow sports at the mo' with the temps last week typically in the -9°C to +1°C range.
Unmatched top-shelf seven-star facilities, also.
I don't know about you, but I'll be going off-piste for the duration.
South Korea agreed to a North Korean request for their officially sanctioned cheer squads to be allowed to attend the games armed with thousands of little North Korean flags on sticks.
In the trade off, North Korea agreed there would be no hanky-panky or funny business during the games; no shooting rockets off or letting Big One's go, in the name of the mutually accepted idea of peace, even tho' they have never completely come around to it, given the truce is now 64 years old, and let's face it, it's all about face, and not losing it.
People have forgotten that the Korean peninsular remains the most heavily militarised spot on the planet.
Since the armistice, as a nod to peace and reconciliation, both countries have had Ministers for Reunification while maintaining huge standing armies of around 1.6M active personnel North/South combined, ready for battle tomorrow, along with something like nine million army reserves and paramilitaries to call on.
So the gates of the border ceremonially opened as impeccably suited gentlemen from each side arrived to meet to polite applause and handshakes all 'round for some chit-chat in that wild & wacky place known as the Korean DMZ.
PyeongChang is just 80km south of the 38th parallel or thereabouts, so the North's team buses won't have far to go, bringing with them trailer loads of crates of quality seafoods and gallons of top-notch Made in North Korea soju, to get them in the mood.
The South promises they will do all they can to prevent the North Koreans from defecting [there will be Choco Pies, aplenty], but asked in return that the North release some political prisoners.
Talks go on.
Backroom boys in smoke filled dens are still working on the idea of fielding a combined North/South Korean women's ice hockey team, because they know as separate entity's they haven't got a hope in snowflakes of medalling, but together could give the hockey comp a good shake.
Makes sense.
Of course this has very little to do with the Miracle of Democracy in a part of the world rife with rampant corruption and cronyism, but it says a fair bit about rapprochement.
You'll remember it took months of street protests in Seoul to evict from the Blue House the former President, Park Geun-hye, accused of being totally on the take by creaming about $US75M off the top of bribes paid by the chaebol in order to get on with the business of doing business.
Park is in the jailhouse now, and that resulted in the fait accompli election of Moon Jae-in as no-one else really put their hand up for the job.
Enough already has been said about Fat Boy Kim, the very personification of corruption and cronyism.
Then came this.
Have you ever regretted writing a very personal text message or e-mail, and then pushing the 'send' button, instantly knowing you have made a terrible mistake?
Like dropping that letter that you never meant to send in the postbox?
Ever called yr bosses a useless mob of utter wankers, or worse, and then sent them all the txt mssg by mistake?
There is no calling it back or sending it into a black hole, once you send it, it stays sent.
Have you ever got a together a txt mssg that says the Great State of Hawaii is about to go up in one helluvan exploding fireball at any minute and then sent it off to all one million mobile phone users, advising them to panic and run for the hills, or hide in a bomb shelter, or maybe a handy manhole, that you may or may not have, otherwise you are all going to burn in hell?
There is no heaven in this one:

To their credit, the good burghers of Honolulu, at least, didn't panic, they simply went to the beach in small groups with bottles of their finest whiskies and bourbons and sat under the gently swaying palms to watch the horizon for the incoming multi-kiloton Armageddon which sends the Hawaiian archipelago to the bottom as flaming wreckage.
Sort of brings new meaning to the old idea "if the ship is on fire, there is instinct to answer the call 'all hands to the pumps!' but honest desire remains to stay seated and at ease while awaiting your fate".
The Dept. of Deefense, Hawaiian authorities, or somebody or another who wasn't looking at the time, blamed "human error" for the clusterfuck.
Well, if some dumb intern in the Communications Dept. can fire off that one with a press of the green button marked 'send', then it doesn't really matter who's got the bigger Big Beautiful Nuclear Button on their desks, does it?
DJ Trump, early in his Presidency, delegated all matters military to his generals, so he's not the only one with the foreign policy numbers in the briefcase.
Like Trump, Fatboy is not a madman; they aint no nutjobs, they're just cruel and calculating in everything they do to advance and protect their own brands and interests.
Mr Moon has recently re-established the hotline with Pyŏngyang, and installed the big red telephone at the end of it on his desk.
He don't need no button.
North and South want the Trumpotus out of the Korean deal, but at the minute it seems some low ranking lieutenant wackjob in the US Air Force could push the no going back send button "human error"-style on a bunch of ballistic missiles, and it's good night nurse, in a megaton kind of way.
ICAN didn't win the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize for nuthin', you know.
Easily fixed.
No nukes.

[Graphic: Hanna Barczyk/NYT]

CRAZY CRAVES TOP 100 OBITUARIES 2017

Survivors,

It's that time of year again!
This is a bit out of the bailiwick of this bloggy-blog-blog thingy, as precious few of these people have anything to do with the Miracle of Democracy, but there is at least one out-and-out statesman, half a dozen or so politicians, a couple of dictators and a master of the 'dark arts' among them.
As a nod to the steady marking of time, for yonks I used to publish Crazy Craves Top 20 Obituaries, but last year I got tired of it with people saying "why'd ya put him in? why'd ya leave her out?" so I set the editor's pen aside and pushed the boat right out with a list of 111 deaduns, arranged in chronological order.
Obviously I went way too far, so this year, for the sake of brevity, I have limited the bell-tolling to a straight 100.
In any case this is a highly subjective and idiosyncratic list - these people [and two non-humans] may or may not in one way or another have had an influence on my life, may or may not have been famous or important folks, may just have led obscure but interesting lives per se, or the date, place, manner and cause of death, may have been somewhat unusual.
Or, all four.
That's the criteria for these simple mentions...so I give you...

CRAZY CRAVES TOP 100 OBITUARIES 2017

*January*

John Berger, 90, January 2, Paris. Long-time French resident British art critic, novelist, screenwriter, essayist, Marxist rabble-rouser, cattle farmer. Booker Prize winner [1972]. Best known for BBC television art documentary Ways of Seeing [1972]. Natural causes.
Ayatollah Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani, 82, January 8, Tehran. Machiavellian authoritarian ruler. Former President of Iran [1989-1997]. Close ally of Ayatollah Khomeini who overthrew the last Shah of Iran [1979]. Cardiac Arrest.
Peter Sarstedt, 75, January 8, Sussex, England. British folk singer/songwriter. One hit wonder. Best known for song Where Do You Go To (My Lovely). Complications of supranuclear palsy.
Michael Chamberlain, 72, January 9, Gosford, New South Wales. Central figure in the Azaria Chamberlain mystery. New Zealand born Seventh Day Adventist pastor, author, doctor of philosophy, failed political candidate. Father of missing child Azaria, former husband of Lindy Chamberlain, who was convicted of murder, then pardoned and then exonerated at fourth Coronial inquest. Served suspended sentence after being convicted accessory after the fact of murder. Royal Commission star witness. Leukemia.
Clare Hollingworth, 105, January 10, Hong Kong. British journalist and war correspondent. Reported first-hand the German invasion of Poland [1939], scooped the defection of Kim Philby [1963], ended war correspondents career in Vietnam, then posted to China. Long-time active member and stalwart of the Hong Kong Foreign Correspondents' Club. Died at home. Extreme old age.
Antony Armstrong-Jones, The Lord Snowden GCVO RDI, 86, January 13, Kensington, London. Eccentric English fashion designer and Royal photographer, inventor, serial pants-man. Coxed the winning Cambridge Eight in the 1950 Boat Race. Former husband of the Princess Margaret, sister of Queen Elizabeth II [1960-78]. Controversial member of the House of Lords. Twice divorced. Five children by three women. Natural causes.
Zhōu Yǒuguāng, 111, January 14, Beijing. Chinese banker, economist, linguist. Invented the system to Romanise the alphabet of the Chinese Mandarin language known as Pīnyīn. Extreme old age.
Eugene Cernan, 82, January 16, Houston, Texas. American astronaut, US Navy test pilot, electrical engineer. Last man to walk on the moon [1972, Apollo 17]. Covered more than 35km in the Lunar Rover over 22 hours. Flew to space three times, twice to the moon. Chronic illness.
Colo, 60, January 17, Colombus, Ohio. Oldest female Western Lowlands gorilla known to man. First gorilla to be born in captivity [1956]. Three offspring and great-great-grandmother. Old age.
Mary Tyler-Moore, 80, January 25, Greenwich, Connecticut. American television personality, actor and 1970's feminist icon. Star of The Dick Van Dyke Show and the 168 episode eponymous sit-com The Mary Tyler-Moore Show. Multiple show business honours including six Emmy Awards. Chronic illnesses, complications of diabetes.
Sir John Hurt CBE, 77, January 25, Cromer, Norfolk, England. British film character actor and voice-over man. Best known for his distinctive voice and lead role in the film Elephant Man [1980]. Four BAFTA awards. Knighted [2015]. Pancreatic cancer.
Edgar Britt OAM, 103, January 28, Gold Coast, Queensland. Australian journeyman thoroughbred jockey. Rode more than 2000 winners on four continents in 30 year career. Won the 1947 Irish Derby & Irish St. Ledger. Old Age.
Carl Djerassi, 91, January 30, San Francisco, California. Austrian-born American chemical scientist, science-fiction novelist, playwright. Known as "the father of The Pill". Developed norethindrone in Mexico City in 1951, the main active ingredient in the first human female birth control pill. Liver cancer.

*February*

Lou Rowan, 91, February 3, Yangan, Queensland. Controversial Australian cricket umpire, Queensland drug squad detective, author. Known for key involvement in the confrontational 1970-71 Ashes test series and the riot by furious spectators during the 7th test match at the SCG. Turned down every LBW appeal against Australia in '70-'71. Openly accused of bias, staunchly denied. Petitioned for outlaw "chuckers" to be weeded out of the game. Died at home. No suspicious circumstances.
Granddad, age unknown, probably late 90's, February 7, Chicago, Illinois. Permanent US resident male Queensland Lungfish. Oldest known fish in captivity. Captured in Mary or Burnett Rivers, Queensland to be exhibited at the 1933-34 Chicago World's Fair. Spent much of his time imitating a submerged log in the Shedd Aquarium for 84 years. Weight at death 11kg . Euthanised due to organ failure.
Kim Jong-nam, 43, February 14, Kuala Lumpur. Prominent Korean resident of Macau and estranged half-brother of North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un. Assassination by poisoning.

*March*

Tanya Dalton, 45, March 1, Auckland. Word Championship winning New Zealand netballer [2003] and successful businesswoman. Played 12 test matches at GS for the Silver Ferns. Brain aneurysm.
Thomas E. Starzl, 90, March 4, Pittsburg, Pennsylvania. American surgeon and chemist. Human transplant pioneer who performed the first successful liver transplant [1967]. Leading researcher into anti-rejection drugs for transplant patients. Natural causes.
Bill Leak, 61, March 10, Gosford, New South Wales. Australian artist, political cartoonist, novelist. Seven-time finalist Archibald Prize, never won. Nine Walkley Awards. Cheated death in balcony fall [2008]. Cardiac arrest.
John Surtees CBE, 83, March 10, London. British motor racer. Only man to have won world championships on two wheels and four. Won 500cc World Motorcycle Championship [1956, 1958-60] on an Agusta. Won F1 World Drivers' Championship in a Ferrari [1964]. Three times winner of the Isle of Man TT. Respiratory failure.
Murray Ball ONZM, 78, March 12, Gisborne, New Zealand. New Zealand artist and cartoonist. Created comic strip Footrot Flats in 1975, which ran in newspapers for 20 years. Alzheimer's disease.
Sir Derek Walcott OBE, 87, March 17, Cap Estat, St. Lucia. West Indian Nobel Laureate, poet, playwright, painter. Author of epic poems and 40 plays in English. Won Nobel Prize for Literature [1992]. Knighted Order of St Lucia [2016]. Chronic illnesses.
Chuck Berry, 90, March 18, St. Louis, Missouri. American singer/songwriter and pioneer of Rock'n'Roll. Musical superstar [1955-61]. Lifetime Achievement Grammy Award [1984]. Original inductee Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame [1986]. No.1 smash hit Johnny B. Goode the only rock'n'roll song to go to space aboard Voyager 1 & 2 [1977]. Did three stints of jail time on trumped up charges. Cardiac arrest.
Robert B. Silvers, 87, March 20, New York City. American literary editor. Founding editor of the New York Review of Books, remaining in the position for 44 years until his death. US National Humanities Medal [2012]. Chevalier Légion de Honour. Brief illness.
David Rockefeller, 101, March 20, Pocantico Hills, New York. American banker, art collector, philanthropist. Long-time chairman of Chase Manhattan banking corporation. Last remaining patriarch of the Rockefeller family. Estimated net worth at time of death $US3.3B. Congestive heart failure.
Martin McGuiness, 66, March 21, Londonderry, Northern Ireland. Irish nationalist. Former leader of the Provisional Irish Republican Army [IRA]. Prominent member of the IRA's political wing Sinn Féin. Reformed terrorist, peace broker widely regarded as chief architect of the Good Friday Agreement ending "The Troubles" [1968-96]. Retired as long-serving Deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland two months before death. Amyloidosis.
Chuck Barris, 87, March 21, Palisades, New York. Madcap American television game show host. Most famous as host of The Gong Show [1976-80]. Variously known as "The King of Schlock," "The Baron of Bad Taste" and "The Ayatollah of Trasherola." Natural causes.
Ian Turnbull, 82, March 27, Sydney. Farmer and convicted murderer. Serving 35 years jail at time of death for shooting dead a state environmental officer over a land clearing dispute three years earlier. Unknown terminal illness.
Gilbert Baker, 65, March 30, New York City. Eccentric American designer, graphic artist, drag queen, gay rights activist. Designed "Rainbow Flag" [1978]. Original on display at MoMA. Worked for Paramount Flag Company, San Francisco for 25 years. Years long complications of stroke.

*April*

Sir Doug Myers KNZM CBE, 78, April 8, London. New Zealand businessman, philanthropist and beer baron. Established Lion brewery [1965], and created popular beer Steinlager. Sold out to Japanese brewer Kirin [1998], becoming one of New Zealand's richest men. Retired to London. Knighted [2010]. Bowel cancer.
John Clarke, 68, April 9, near Halls Gap, Victoria. New Zealand-born Australian actor, author, screen-writer, satirist, comedian. Creator of iconic New Zealand comic character Fred Dagg in the mid 1970's. Extensive career as a character actor in Australian film and television. Wrote and starred in acclaimed 26 episode TV series The Games satirising preparations for the 2000 Olympics. Created decade-long running weekly three minute television political satire Clarke & Dawe. Died while hiking with family & friends in the Grampians National Park. Cardiac arrest.
Emma Morano, 117, April 15, Verbania, Italy. World's oldest person to that date. The last known person born in the 19th century. Credited her longevity to eating three eggs a day, two raw. Died in favourite armchair at home. Extreme old age.
Ueli Steck, 40, April 29, near Mt Everest, Nepal. Swiss mountaineer. Known as "the Swiss Machine" for his rapid ascents using the 'fast and light' technique. Once climbed all 82 peaks of The Alps in 62 days. Two time winner Piolet d’Or. Fatal injuries sustained in fall of 3,280 feet.

*May*

Lou Richards MBE, 94, May 8, Melbourne. Australian rules footballer, publican, entertainer, newspaper columnist, author, radio and television personality. Known as "Louie the Lip". Played 250 games for Collingwood as small forward and goalsneak, four years as captain. Won Premiership [1953]. Long running career (1956-2008) as professional buffoon in the media. Former King of Moomba. Owned and ran several Melbourne pubs. Controversially denied "legend" status in the Australian Football Hall of Fame (2009), after being inducted 15 years earlier. Complications of dementia.
Roger Ailes, 77, May 10, Palm Beach, Florida. American media executive and political operative. Devised media strategy for winning US Presidential campaigns of Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan and George Bush Snr. Regarded as the "father" of the right-wing Fox News service, serving as CEO for 20 years. Sacked by owner Rupert Murdoch over a sexual harassment scandal a year before his death. Cranial subdural hematoma after fall.
Mark Colvin, 65, May 11, Sydney. Old school Australian radio journalist. 43 year long career at the ABC, known for his authoritative melodious voice. Contracted nephritic auto-immune disease while on assignment as correspondent in Rwanda [1994] and almost died of kidney failure. Kidney transplant recipient (2012). Complications of Wegener's granulomatosis, melanoma, lung cancer.
Chris Cornell, 52, May 17, Detroit, Michigan. American singer/songwriter. Lead singer of 1980's grunge band Soundgarden. Found dead after performing in concert. Suicide by hanging.
Sir Roger Moore KBE, 89, May 23, Switzerland. British film and television actor. Starred in seven James Bond motion pictures [1973-1985]. Starred in long running television series The Saint [1962-69]. Self described multi-millionaire tax evader. Goodwill Ambassador for UNICEF. Knighted 2003 for services to charity. Chevalier L'ordre des Arts et des Lettres. Four times married. Liver and lung cancer.
Manuel Noriega, 83, May 29, Panama City. Former de-facto President of Panama (1983-89). Strong-arm military dictatorship prompted US invasion (1989). Served 17 years in US jail for racketeering, 18 months in French prison for money laundering. Died six years into 20 year term for murder. Brain anuyerism.

*June*

Sotirios "Sam" Panopolous, 83, June 8, London, Ontario, Canada. Greek-born Canadian inventor of the pineapple pizza known as "The Hawaiian" [1962]. Brief illness.
Adam West, 88, June 9, Los Angeles. American film and television actor. The original Batman. Starred in the eponymous television series and the first Batman motion picture [1966]. Active acting career over 70 years, featuring work as a voice over man in animated television comedies until his death. Leukemia.
Helmut Kohl, 87, June 16, Oggersheim, Germany. German statesman and politician. Former German Chancellor [1982-98]. Credited as the mastermind of German re-unification [1990] and the establishment of the Euro zone. Natural causes.
Michael Bond CBE, 91, June 27, London. British author. Creator and writer of children's book series Paddington Bear [first published 1958], selling 35+ million copies. Natural causes.
Dame Simone Veil DBE, 89, June 30, Paris. French politician and activist. Holocaust survivor. Champion of women's rights. Architect of legislation for legal birth control and abortion in France. Appointed as only the sixth female "immortal" of the Academie Francaise [2010]. Awarded Grand Cross Légion d'Honneur and an Honourary Dame of the British Empire. Natural causes.

*July*

Liu Xiaobo, 61, July 13, Shenyang, China. Chinese academic, author, dissident, political activist. Nobel Peace Prize laureate [2010], awarded while serving fourth prison term for anti-Chinese Communist Party activities. First arrested after taking a leading role in student protests which led to the Tiananmen Square massacre [1989]. Lead author of Charter 08 calling for an end to one-party rule in China. Liver cancer.
Maryam Mirzakhani, 40, July 14, Palo Alto, California. Iranian mathematics genius. Professor of Mathematics at Stanford University. Winner Fields Medal [2014] for 400+ page paper on the behaviour of moving spheres, using billiard tables as a Riemann surface, exploring the interplay of dynamics and geometry. Breast cancer.
Jeremy Strode, 53, July 17, Sydney. English-born Australian chef, newspaper columnist, author. Executive chef Bistrode CBD, after 25 years in the Australian restaurant industry. Suicide.
Chester Bennington, 41, July 20, Los Angeles. American singer/songwriter and leader of metal rock band Linkin Park, selling 30+ million records world wide since 2000. Suicide by hanging.
Garrumulul Yunupingu, 46, July 25, Darwin. Australian indigenous musician, singer/songwriter. High-ranking Yolngu man. Founding member of Aboriginal 'cult' rock band Yothu Yindi, followed by acclaimed solo career. Born blind. Complications of liver and kidney diseases.
Hywell Bennet, 73, July 25, Cardiff, Wales. British character actor. Best known as star of eponymous television sit-com Shelley [1979-84]. 42-year career in stage, film and television. Natural causes.
Les Murray AM, 71, July 31. Sydney. Hungarian-born Australian soccer commentator, analyst, author, musician and media legend. Arrived in Australia under Hungarian refugee program [1957]. Bought international soccer to Australian television when the Special Broadcasting Service [SBS] was established [1980], where he commentated on the 'world game', a phrase he coined, for the next 24 years. Complications of chronic illness.

*August*

Sir John Graham KNZM CBE, 82, August 2, Auckland. Former All-Black. New Zealand rugby union player, educator and anti-apartheid activist. 22 test matches for New Zealand [1958-64]. Captain 3 matches. Headmaster, Auckland Grammar School for 21 years. Knighted [2011]. Undisclosed cancer.
Betty Cuthbert, AM, MBE, 79, August 6, Perth, Western Australia. Australian athletics track star universally known as "The Golden Girl". Won four Olympic gold medals [Melbourne 1956 & Tokyo 1964] in 100m, 200m, 4x100m relay and 400m. Life Member, SCG Trust. Wheelchair bound for the last 20 years of her life. Multiple Sclerosis.
Glenn Campbell, 81, August 8, Nashville, Tennessee. American country-pop singer, acclaimed guitarist, session musician, and superstar in the late 1960's-mid 70's selling 35+ million records world wide in 50-year show business career. 18 Grammy Awards. Alzheimer's disease.
Stephen Wooldridge OAM, 39, August 14, Sydney. Australian Olympian team's pursuit cyclist, mechanical engineer. Olympic gold medalist [Athens 2004] and four-times world champion. Suicide.
Gary O’Callaghan, MBE, 83, August 19, Wauchope, New South Wales. Australian radio broadcaster and personality. Legendary 49 year career at Sydney radio station 2UE. Hosted top rating breakfast show with his alter ego "Sammy Sparrow" throughout the 1960's. Australian Commercial Radio Hall of Fame inductee. Natural causes.
Sir Colin Meads, KNZM, MBE, 81, August 20, Tu Kuwiti, New Zealand. Former All-Black. National icon. Widely regarded as New Zealand rugby union's best ever player. 55 test matches for New Zealand [1957-71], Captain 11 matches. Devoted later life to philanthropy. Knighted [2009]. Pancreatic cancer.
Jerry Lewis, 91, August 20, Las Vegas, Nevada. American entertainer. Actor, comedian and singer. Appeared in 16 Hollywood movies as sidekick to Dean Martin [1949-56]. Long running solo comedy star in television. Activist and humanitarian in later life. Complications of peripheral vascular disease and congestive heart failure.
Fiona Richardson, 50, August 23, Melbourne. Australian Labor politician. Women's right's advocate. Victorian MP and the state's first Minister for the Prevention of Family Violence. Metastatic breast cancer.
Drew Morphett OAM, 69, August 25, Pakenham, Victoria. Australian sports commentator. 40 year veteran of broadcasting, hosting Australian Rules television show The Winners on the ABC, before going to the Seven Network for 13 years calling football, then returning to the ABC as a radio football, cricket and Olympic Games broadcaster. Cardiac arrest while watching football on television at home.
Dean Mercer, 47, August 28, Gold Coast, Queensland. Australian Iron Man champion and surf-lifesaver. Cardiac arrest following single car motor crash.
Sumiteru Taniguchi, 88, August 30, Nagasaki, Japan. Japanese nuclear disarmament campaigner and peace advocate. Survivor of nuclear bombing of Nagasaki [1945]. Chairman of the Nagasaki Council of A-Bomb Sufferers until his death. Keloid tumours.

*September*

Mike Cockerill, 56, September 1, Bellingen, New South Wales. Australian sports journalist. Former chief soccer writer for the Sydney Morning Herald and a three-decade multi-media career in soccer reporting. Brief cancer-related illness.
Walter Becker, 67, September 3, Maui, Hawaii. American musician, song writer, record producer. Co-founder of American jazz-soft-rock band Steely Dan [1972-1981]. Chronic illnesses due to long-term drug and alcohol addiction.
John Ashbery, 90, September 3, Hudson, New York. American poet. Pulitzer Prize winner [1975]. US National Humanities Medal [2011]. Self-confessed aim in life “to confuse the hell out of people.” Natural causes.
Peter Luck, 73, September 6, Sydney. Australian television journalist and author. 40 year media career. Pioneer reporter on ABC current affairs programs This Day Tonight and Four Corners. Produced and presented landmark 36-part TV documentary This Fabulous Century for Seven Network [1979]. Author of ten popular history books. Parkinson's Disease.
Kate Millet, 82, September 6, Paris. American radical feminist author, critic, academic. Author of Sexual Politics [1970]. Cardiac arrest during annual visit to Paris.
Sir Peter Hall CBE, 86, September 11, London. British theatre actor and director. Founder of the Royal Shakespeare Company [1960]. Champion of public funding for the arts. Knighted [1977]. Chevalier L'ordre des Arts et des Lettres. Pneumonia.
Harry Dean Stanton, 91, September 15, Los Angeles. American actor. Legendary bit-part player over six decades in American cinema. Appeared in 128 Hollywood movies, but played only two lead roles, in Paris, Texas [1984] and Repo Man [1984]. Never nominated for an Oscar or any other acting award. Never retired. Brief illness.
Robert “Dutchy” Holland OAM, 70, September 17, Newcastle, New South Wales. Australian test cricketer. Played 11 test matches [1984-85], debuting at advanced age of 38 as a leg spinner, taking ten wickets against West Indies at SCG. 95 first class matches; won the Sheffield Shield three times with New South Wales. Dedicated later life to grass roots cricket, administration and coaching. Brain cancer.
Liliane Bettencourt, 94, September 21, Paris. French business tycoon and philanthropist. World's richest woman at time of death, as major shareholder in the L'Oreal cosmetics empire. Estimated net worth at time of death $US44.3 billion. Complications of dementia.
Eman Abdul Atti, 37, September 25, Abhu Dhabi. World's "heaviest woman" at time of death. Estimated maximum weight during final year of life put at 498kg. Complications of extremely rare thyroid disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes, gout, congestive heart and lung disease, kidney failure.
Hugh Hefner, 91, September 27, Los Angeles. American magazine publisher, media magnate, philanthropist, serial pants-man. Founded Playboy magazine in 1954, remaining editor-in-chief for 34 years. Sepsis.

*October*

Tom Petty, 66, October 2, Santa Monica, California. American musician, singer/songwriter. Founder of Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers [1976], selling 80 million records world wide. Also known for association with Bob Dylan & Co in the 1980's 'supergroup' Travelling Wilberrys. Cardiac arrest.
Danielle Darrieux, 100, October 19, Paris, Legendary French actress. Hollywood film star of the 1930's. Accused of collaboration with the Nazi's in WWII. Still working in movies until age 99, appearing in more than 110 motion pictures. Complications of a fall at home.
George Young, 70, October 23, Portugal. Scottish-born Australian musician, songwriter, producer. Founding member of smash hit band The Easybeats. One half of the Vanda & Young hit-making songwriting team. Produced all five AC/DC early albums. Inaugural inductee ARIA Hall of Fame (1988). Retired in 1992. Recluse in later life. Brother of Malcolm Young. Natural causes.
Fats Domino, 89, October 24, Harvey, Louisiana. American legend, musician, R&B singer selling 120M+ records world wide, surpassed only by Elvis Presley. US National Medal of Arts recipient. Rock'n'Roll Hall of Fame inductee [1998]. Natural causes.
Sir Ninian Stephen KG AK GCMG GCVO KBE QC, 98, October 29, Melbourne. Distinguished Australian lawyer, barrister, High Court judge [1972-82], diplomat, ambassador, international peace-broker. Knighted [1972]. Commandeur Légion d'honneur. Governor-General of Australia [1982-89]. Judge of the International Court of Justice and International War Crimes Tribunal [1991-97]. On active service [1944-45]. 68 years at the bar. Old age.


*November*

Antonio Carluccio OMRI OBE, 80, November 8, London. Italian-born British chef, author, restaurateur, television personality, raconteur, mushroom aficionado, pants-man. Complications of a fall.
Chuck Mosely, 57, November 9, Los Angeles. American musician, singer-songwriter, chef. Front man of punk-funk-metal band Faith No More [1985-88] until acrimonious split. Also appeared in metal bands Bad Brains and Cement. Died penniless. Complications of chronic alcoholism.
Gustav Åhr aka Li'l Peep, 21, November 15, Tuscon, Arizona. White American facially-tattooed emo hi-hop rapper. Died three months after first album release and brief career as YouTube star. Flamed out. Suicide by drug overdose.
Salvatore 'Toto' Riina, 87, November 17, Parma, Italy. Mafia mobster, racketeer, terrorist, assassin. Known as "The Beast" and the "Boss of Bosses" of the Cosa Nostra. 23 years on the run, 24 years in prison. Died in jail serving 26 life sentences. Responsible for more than a hundred known murders. Complications of cardiac surgery.
Gillian Rolton OAM, 61, November 18, Adelaide. Australian Olympian. Dual Equestrian gold medalist, team eventing Barcelona [1992], Atlanta [1996]. Legend of the South Australian Sports Hall of Fame. Edometrial cancer.
Malcolm Young, 64, November 18, Sydney. Scottish-born Australian musician and songwriter. Co-founder of hard rock group AC/DC [1973]. Inaugural inductee ARIA Hall of Fame [1988]. Retired in 2014 due to illness. Brother of George Young. Complications of dementia.
Charles Manson, 84, November 19, Bakersfield, California. American cult leader and mass murderer. Ordered the killing of seven people over two nights in Los Angeles [1969], including pregnant Hollywood actress Sharon Tait. Despite numerous applications for parole, spent his last 46 years behind bars. Natural causes.
Jana Novotná, 49, November 19, Omice, Czech Republic. Czech tennis player and Olympian. 1998 Wimbledon ladies singles champion. 12 Grand Slam doubles titles and four mixed doubles titles. Three time Olympic medalist. Inductee International Tennis Hall of Fame [2005]. Undisclosed cancer.
David Cassidy, 67, November 21, Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Former American teen heart-throb. Starred in 1970's television musical sit-com The Partridge Family, later becoming a bubblegum pop star. Complications of cirrhosis of the liver, kidney failure, dementia.
Sol Bellear AM, 66, November 30, Sydney. Crusading Australian aboriginal activist and rugby league footballer. High-ranking Bundjalung man. Chairman, Redfern Aboriginal Medical Service. Co-author Uluru Statement [2017],. Co-Chairman, ATSIC [1991-94], Director, South Sydney RLFC [2002-06]. Chronic illnesses.
Jim Nabor, 87, November 30, Honolulu, Hawaii. American actor, comedian, crooner, macadamia farmer. Best known for his role as the goofy character Gomer Pyle in two television series [1962-69]. Released 28 albums of romantic ballads and standards. Sang "Back Home in Indiana" before the start of the Indy 500 motor race for 42 years. Complications of Hepatitis B.

*December*

Christine Keeler, 75, December 5, Farnborough, England. Former English teenage model and cabaret dancer principally known for her role in the murky and notorious spy scandal the Profumo Affair [1963] at the height of the "cold war". Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease.
Hayden Hataina, 72, December 5, Eyre Peninsular, South Australia. New Zealand born Australian race horse trainer principally known for his involvement in the infamous horse-substitution ring-in scandal known as the Fine Cotton Affair [1984]. Did jail time for race fixing and warned off race tracks world wide for life [ban lifted on appeal 2013]. Chronic illness.
Johnny Hallyday, 74, December 6, Marnes-la-Coquette, France. French rock'n'roll musician and singer known as the "French Elvis". Sold 110+ million records world wide in a 57 year career starting in 1961 with the smash-hit French language version of "Let's Twist Again". Retired in 2009. Self-confessed multi-millionaire tax-evader. Five times married. Interred near his winter home on St. Barths, French Caribbean. Lung cancer.
Ray Hughes, 72, December 7, Penrith, New South Wales. Australian art dealer and prominent Sydney gallery owner. Relentless promoter of contemporary Australian art, bon vivant, raconteur, and colourful host of legendary Thursday "long lunch" for more than 30 years. Retired to the Blue Mountains due to ill health [2015]. Pneumonia.
Rory O'Donoghue, 68, December 13, Sydney. Australian musician, composer, actor, author, comedian. Best known as the character 'Thin Arthur' in absurdist television comedy series The Aunty Jack Show [1972-73]. 51 year partnership with Graeme Bond AM. Wrote film, theatre and musical scores, and a long time fixture in the Australian advertising industry. Suicide in hospital while being treated for chronic melancholic depression.
Max Drayton, OAM, 86, Cessnock, New South Wales. December 16. Australian vigneron and vintner. Worked at and then managed W. Drayton and Sons Wines for 70 years. Legend of the Hunter Valley winemaker's association's honour roll. Cheated death in tractor accident [1959]. Lost a son in winery explosion [2008]. Complications of a fall in winery one month prior to death.
Barry Cohen, AM, 82. December 18. Gosford, New South Wales. Australian Labor politician, author, raconteur, pamphleteer, political scientist, social commentator, scholar, gentleman, after-dinner comedian. Minister in the Hawke Government [1984-87]. 21 years in Federal Parliament, but lost in the High Court over being diddled out of a full pension. Alzheimer's sufferers and older people's advocate in later years. Alzheimer's disease.
Kim Jong-hyun aka Jonghyun, 27, December 18, Gangham, Seoul, South Korea. Korean K-pop megastar, singer/songwriter, former radio host. Lead vocalist of superstar boy band Shinee "The Princes of K-Pop". Died three years after also launching hugely successful solo career. Suicide by smoke inhalation.
Cardinal Bernard F. Law, 86, December 20, Rome. Archbishop-emeritus of Boston. America's most senior Catholic prelate. Resigned in 2002 over allegations of decades-long protection of boy buggering priests, but retained the title of Cardinal and lived off various appointments of the Vatican for his last 13 years. Never saw evil. Supernatural causes.
Lady Florence "Flo" Bjelke-Petersen, 97, December 20, Kingaroy, Queensland. Australian conservative agrarian politician, author, domestic scientist, peanut farmer, landscaper, gardener, cook, baker. Chiefly known for legendary pumpkin scone recipe. Two terms as Senator for Queensland [1981-93]. Wrote three best-sellers on traditional "country" cooking, baking and household tips. Widow [2005] of long serving Premier of Queensland, Sir John Bjelke-Petersen. Old age.
Ken Catchpole OAM, 78, December 21, Sydney. Former Australian rugby union captain. Skippered the Wallabies 13 times, debuting in 1961 in a 27 test career. Regarded as one of the greatest union half-backs of all time. Rendered in life-size bronze outside Sydney Football Stadium. Chronic illnesses.

the miracle of the pumpkin scone

Comrades,

I noted that Lady Florence Bjelke-Petersen shuffled off yesterday at 97, due to complications of old age....in a Kingaroy nursing home, where she had resided for the past three years.
She was appointed once to the Senate, and then elected twice as a Senator for Queensland, doing a full 12 years in Canberra after the wheels fell off the "Joh for Canberra" bandwagon back in '87, however, I cannot for the life of me recall her ever speaking on the floor of the Chamber.
Undoubtedly, she did her finest work in the Domestic Sciences.
Flo was a well-respected published author, penning three run-away best sellers "Classic Country Baking", "Classic Country Cooking", and "Classic Country Wisdom: Traditional Household Tips", which after her retirement from the Senate was collated into a single-volume lavishly illustrated coffee table tome "Classic Country Collection" [448pp, 1995], which sold more than 70,000+ copies alone...as Sir Joh would have said "don't you worry about that".
So, for old time's sake and in memory of the old bat, I give you...

votes for the demented!

Comrades,

In the after-math of one of the most spiteful and dirtiest short by-election campaigns in recent memory, you have to love the wash up of the vote in Bennelong.
Post poll there was a scoop in one of the Sunday papers that revealed the possibility that the Pinko candidate Kristina Keneally, a former short-lived non-elected NSW Premier, had been handing out how-to-vote cards to folks living with dementia in nursing homes.
Nothing wrong with that, apart from it being a tremendously useless waste of time and resources.
Nothing in the Electoral Act says that the demented can't vote.
If you are a law-abiding Australian citizen, even one with the heavy American accent of a Buckeye Ohioan - nothing disenfranchises you, nothing.
It wasn't as if she was exactly bussing them to the polling stations and letting them loose.
They may have even had formal exemptions from the Electoral Commissioner from their obligation to at least turn up and have their names ticked off the roll.
Who knows?
Whoever was handling the "dark arts" in that campaign didn't do their jobs very well under constant assault.
But, lets face it, Kristina has been connected in the past with former Labor 'powerbroker' Eddie Eddie Eddie Obeid, who's name is mud in New South Wales, due to the fact they had to build a special wing for him down at Long Bay.
Something about "corruption on a scale probably unexceeded since the days of the Rum Corps."
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I can assure you that nobody came into the powder room of the Premier's office at any point."
Unused, it was, for 15 months.
However, having the Pinko's at each other's throats is de riguer in this state, and has always been part and parcel of the caper.
Rats in the ranks aint the half of it.
In his victory speech the now un-disqualified returned sitting member John Alexander - a former British subject who lived in America for 12 years - rabbited on and on and on about his without-doubt blemish-free gloriously-patriotic tennis career and how it was cruelly cut short by shocking injury, or some such thing or another, as what he was saying didn't make a lot of sense at the time by all reports; but never one to sponge off the Govt. on account of his fabulous wealth after retiring in back in '83 with $US1,214,079 in prize money, the Tory said he was "too proud" to get an Australian Disability Parking Permit, which of course touched off a hue and cry amongst the handicapped lobby.
I've been on that stick 30 years now...30 years...and I'm not "too proud" about anything much anymore.
I went through the hoops and got the Cripple's Parking Pass.
Gives me free VIP parking all over Sydney 24/7 365.
As it should.
Couldn't live in a big city without it.
Now, I'm not the vindictive kind of person as you well know, but if John is "too proud", and you follow his line of thinking there, which admittedly is tough, then you'd have to sincerely hope, for his own sake, that the former journeyman Davis Cup Star finishes up demented, then he wouldn't need an Australian Disability Parking Permit, and he would be forgiven for voting Labor.
Boom! Boom!
The whole three-ring circus capped off rather nicely what has been something of a tawdry year all around in the Westminster System.

Three Sticks and a Wall

[Men's ablutions facilities, Belushi's Sports Bar, Paris, France.]


Comrades,

Folks have been coming up to me and asking what is going on with DJ Trump! at the minute, as I have been unusually silent on His Donaldness of late.
I can only note that he has gone through the 300 day mark since becoming the POTUS, and hasn't it been a jolly jape?
During that time, the President has had 65 certified confirmed rounds of golf, and spent 814 hours at golf courses over 79 visits to golf clubs various - all of them his [except one in Japan and one in Jersey City] - as he owns quite a few around about the traps and knows them very well, particularly his favourite, Bedminster, NJ, where Trump has instructed that he be interred in his mausoleum when he expires.
So he has spent 26% of his time as Leader of The Free World, with at least part of the day idling in a clubhouse someplace.
Somebody is counting:

http://trumpgolfcount.com/displayoutings#tablecaption

Over the year, it's become patently clear that just one, and only one, thing interests The Trumpster - seeing his brand front and centre on the TV news every day for free - and he has two sports; golf, and screwing his enemies.
The Donald, when you look at it fairly and squarely, has had a few mighty triumphs lately, most notably ramming a tax bill through Congress that shamelessly robs the poor to give to the rich in a bald-faced naked grab for cash that will send the US of A into a nose-down spiral of an out-of-control budget deficit running into the mega-trillions for generations to come.
Nice work there Don.
That'll go down super-well on the millions of Struggle Streets in The States, just as it will on Park Avenue.
Ah, but don't you worry about that, the plebeians will learn to love how amazing it really is, when gold faucets miraculously appear in every bathroom in America, so it will be much more pleasant then to clean the ol' chunder away.
So there will be nothing to see there.
And hasn't his foreign policy been on a whizz-bang revolutionary spin lately?
Wasn't the DJ Trump! Word Tour II spectacular!? Taking Japan, Korea, China, Vietnam and the Philippines by storm!!
Talk about red carpet a million miles long.
Woot!
By all reports the Chinese "out-Trumped Trump" in terms of dazzlingly gaudy lavishly extravagant enormously expensive entertainments while he was in Peking.
While he continues to bait Fatboy "Bomb Boy" Kim, and North Korea's PR Unit continues to dish the line in strident terms that war with the USA is inevitable, the Trumpotus then goes out on a limb and declares Jerusalem - that "pile of old rocks" - as the Capital of Israel, in "one of the finest days in the history of Zionism", according to the most influential New York Rabbi's and more than a few major-league donors to the Trump election campaign war chest.
No surprise the Palestinians are having burning the Star Spangled Banner riots.
The Donald was just fulfilling an election promise there, nothing more, nothing less.
Nothing to see there.
Still, as one much more learned commentator on the subject than me remarked "why destroy a Middle East peace process, when there was no peace process actually going on?"
Good point.
I remember going down to my local Lebanese bakery one time years ago now, and there was a group of old men smoking, with short blacks and manakish at tables on the footpath out the front arguing with each other in a most vigourous fashion to the point where they could have come to blows at any minute.
I must have had a concerned look on my face, because the bakery owner said to me over the counter "Ppff! Don't worry about them. They're just trying to solve the Middle East peace question".
Nothing to see there.
[BTW, they're still at it, Trumpy].
And now word on the street in DC has it - and this is wild rumour - that the Trumpotus is planning to sack, punt and dismiss Special Counsel, Robert "Three Sticks" Mueller the Turd, before Xmas, on account of Bobby's a crafty old bugger of a hard-bastard detective inspector who behaves like a slithering snake, worming his way into all sorts of filth-filled crevices to flush out the vermin who've been conspiring with them damn no-good Ruskies to subvert and corrupt the Miracle of Democracy.
Of course Don can fire anyone, anytime, for any or no reason, quite within his rights to do so, but Three Sticks is getting far too close to the TRUTH [which is very over-rated anyway] for comfort; he's charged two of Trump's crooked mates with felonies that would see them serving long stretches in the federal penitentiary, and he's got two of The Donald's associates to roll over on their backs and plead guilty to lying to the "worst FBI ever", and man, aren't they singing to save their bacon?
DJ! appears to be a little upset with Mr. Mueller presently, and doing his mates cold under the law has got the POTUS all "incandescent with rage".
Just get rid of Three Sticks, tho', and that's that, problem solved.
Nothing to see there.
Anymore.
I've been brushing up on the impeachment process lately; oh man, the road is long and they way is hard.
Anyone can move an impeachment motion in the House of Reps, and has, it's on the table, but getting it shuffled along the legislative line could in theory be blocked forever from going to debate, let alone a vote in a chamber controlled by the Grand Old Party.
In the highly unlikely event that the motion gets up by simple majority, the President is then tried in the Senate for his/her constitutional offence[s].
The House, who for the purpose are known as the "managers", appoint their lawyers to try the case and then the President nominates a small army of his own personal lawyers, and it is run like any other trial; the calling of witnesses, the adducement of evidence, cross-examination etc, with the Senators sitting in judgement.
The impeachee is not required to appear unless they want to give evidence, and it is for the House to prove the case.
At the completion of the trial, the Senate then usually retires behind closed doors to debate the verdict in private.
If the Article[s] of Impeachment is resolved in the affirmative, and achieves a two-thirds majority or more in favour, an impeachment takes immediate effect, cannot be appealed, and the impeachee cannot be pardoned by his successor, although can be in the event of an outcome of any subsequent criminal trial.
The Senate can also determine in a second vote, whether the impeachee be banned for life from holding public office again.
Sweet Mother of Joisus...if you have got this far, I am sorry to bore you shitless with the procedural rules in the Miracle of Democracy USA Style, but when it comes down to it, impeachment is really a pure political game, with very high hurdles.
It's much much easier under the Westminster System - an unpopular leader is simply dumped and replaced by his/her own party and put out to pasture without further ado, with no inconvenience to the Parliament or the people.
There is no reference to the words "Prime Minister" in the Australian constitution, as it's all taken care of in-house.
The only reason that impeachment is in the US Constitution in the first place is because, against considerable opposition, one of the Founding Fathers - was it Franklin? - argued that "the usual way of dealing with an 'obnoxious' Chief Executive and Commander-in-Chief is by assassination - surely there must be a better way?"
The word "obnoxious" is his, not mine, I remember that much.
But in the current climate, an impeachment will have to wait until after next year's Mid-Terms anyway, and even if it gets up during the two years following, who do the Home of The Brave and the Land of Free get to run the show in the interim?
Mike Pence, an old establishment hard-right hard-arsed Republican with wacky ideas of his own who's also foolish and stoopid.
Otherwise, why would he have he accepted one of the Top Ten Shit Jobs in The World - Vice President of the United States of America?
It is difficult to believe that the righteous Free Press like the NYT and the DC Post have got themselves all a twitter about this, and are only now gnashing their teeth and wringing their hands saying in editorials "oh, for the love of God, how did we get ourselves into such a catastrophe and become the laughing stock of the world?"
They've probably never heard of the term "gullible".
Not that it matters that much in the Grand Scheme of Things, as the rest of the planet just gets on with getting on.
Many Americans would have absolutely no idea what's going on, or care less, with the latest survey finding that fully one-third of them are unable to name any of the three executive branches of Government.
The only way out for the Yanks that do care is to vote the bastard out, on Tuesday, 3rd November, 2020, if The Trumpotus doesn't lose interest before then, is committed to psychiatric care, or declines into senility.
Apart from everything going down the toilet, that's about all of note that's been happening across the other side of the shimmering Pacific as far as I can tell.
So, obviously...nothing to see there.
Oh, I forgot, I can't enlighten you about what's been shakin' with that "great big beautiful wall" because, by all accounts, there's nothing to see there...

i love to have a beer with Joycey

Comrades,

During the campaign in the by-election for the state seat of Canterbury a while back now, the Good Lady Wife and I spotted Barnaby Joyce walking into the Golden Barley Hotel in Marrickville.
You can tell Barnaby by the hat.
He must have a good collection.
But what's with the shirts, and why doesn't he constantly have a twig of wheat [or barley, for that matter] between his teeth like Doug Anthony?
You can also tell it's him by the way he does the silly walks and the fact that he looks like he's been inbred with a tomato.
We wondered why he was in the inner west of Sydney of all places, and why the Barley, given that Marrickville is not in Canterbury and the Nationals wouldn't run a candidate there in a blue fit.
So, it was fairly clear that Barnaby was just going into a pub for a beer.
Doesn't mind a drink in a crisis, does our Joycey.
He is often photographed drinking beer with the good burghers of Armidale, it's a guaranteed vote winner; have a few beers with any group of people and wait until the drink starts talking the bullshit and of course they'll say they'll vote for you.
It begs the question, tho' - which one does he like the best?
Is Barnaby a Toohey's or a Resch's man?
I've certainly never seen him holding an Old.
They would have been the tipples of choice around those parts when he was but a wee bairn, but maybe he developed a thirst for XXXX during his time as a Senator for Queensland?
He would not have bar of any of them Victorian or other foreign beers, you'd expect.
So it came as no surprise to see Barnsey and Malcolm Trundle toasting the Country Party's outlandish win in the by-election for the seat of New England [after Mr Joyce quietly and carefully renounced his New Zealand citizenship], with a round of [poorly poured] foaming frosties.
Rejoice!
By all reports, it may well have come close to the biggest swing to a Govt. candidate in the history of all the by-elections in the Federation, but he was the sitting member [temporarily disqualified], there were 17 candidates on the ballot paper, One Nation very kindly failed to run one, and by-and-large Barnaby's majority increased by about 8%, because some people who had never voted for him before, preferring instead Tony "Two Faced" Windsor, voted for Joycey this time, because Windsor also declined to run on account of he's retired and given the game away, or so he says, but Tony's always precariously balanced sitting on the fence in any case.
It was pleasing to see Meow-Ludo Disco Gamma Meow-Meow going around again, standing as the Science Party candidate as usual - he must have transferred his electoral address to some remote campsite in the Northern Tablelands stocked with wild drugs for the duration of the short by-election campaign.
Did well too, did Meow-Ludo, garnering 1,162 votes.
Predictably, the Pinko candidate David Ewings died at the polls, and had an absolute shocker with a miserable 11% of the primary vote, but he was the only loser in double figures, with Informal being the next best and third placed candidate at 7%.
Thank the Good Lord Jesus we have a proper Deputy Prime Minister again, as the current Prime Minister is not travelling all that well at the present minute, and without a majority in the House, he has to face the fact that Labor will get up to all sorts of mischief in the NatCap this week.
Fun and games guaranteed.

West Tamorth Leagues Club, 2 Dec 2017. Photo/AAP

no banker left behind

Comrades,

It is the most delicious of ironies, is it not?
A merchant banker Prime Minister is forced by his junior coalition partner, the Country Party rump, to call a Royal Commission into the filthy, thieving, cheating banks, who have developed the telling of lies into an art form.
A banker, who now has to appoint someone like a former Chief Judge of the Equity Division of some Supreme Court somewhere or another, to inquire into his own kind.
And he reportedly had to be "dragged, kicking and screaming" into opening up the can or worms.
No kidding.
Never mind that it is among the most memorable, and weakest, political back flips in living memory, or that it is fatal to his spineless Prime Ministership, a mob of country bumpkins who have a grudge against the banks over some drought loans that went awry way back when, push him into a corner to out the bean counters.
That's something that has always eluded me about capitalism - how come the bankers can make billions of dollars a year in net profits just by pushing a hill of beans from one corner of the room to the other?
Never could work out how that works.
Must be something to do with what we were taught in junior high school about "compound interest".
Or maybe it's just the simple matter of "cross-currency interest rate swaps".
I don't know, no clue...except that it produces obscene wealth for a tiny few.
And here we have Mr Trundle as the perfect example with an estimated net worth of some $140M [and that was at the time of his assumption of the Prime Ministership in 2015 - no one has done an accurate assessment since], and of course that does not count the cash in Lucy's name, or the greenbacks stashed in double-blind trusts or squirreled away for a rainy day in sunny places like the Bahamas.
Jeez, his rather nice house in leafy Point Piper is valued at approx $50M, if it were put on the market tomorrow and he moved to Punchbowl.
And he doesn't even need a nice car, because he gets one for free, with a driver, as well as the exclusive use [read: free lease with servants] of Kirribilli House, just across the harbour, whose value is inestimable.
As an alumni of Vaucluse Public School, he knows a thing or two about the value of a delightful water views.
And now the Rich Dude is confined to Pandora's Box.
Back in the day when I was knocking about in radio newsrooms and a bank story surfaced, the news editor would always say to me "Craves! Can you go and get this one, and go hard. Everybody loves bank bashing".
Little wonder, there was never any shortage of material.
Have a look at just a few, and it is just a few, banking scandals that have been doing the traps of the meejah in only the last few years: ANZ financial planner jailed for stealing $1M, Westpac charged by ASIC over market manipulation of bank bill swap rates, ANZ announces $5M refund to disgruntled customers who lost a few coins in the gutters outside their bank branches, conditions imposed the the Millionaire's Factory [Macquarie Bank] licence to operate, ANZ breaches responsible lending laws, NAB adviser banned for forging client signatures, Commonwealth Bank settles class action for $80M, ANZ admits to fleecing customers out of $30M, Westpac fined $1M over breaking credit limit laws, CBA staff implicated in $75M Ponzi Scheme, banks collectively sack 69 very senior financial advisers over five years, two CBA executives charges with bribery, NAB foreign exchange trader jailed for insider trading, NAB settles sub-prime mortgage class action for $112M, sacked ANZ traders claim a blokey culture of top-shelf alcohol, sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll is rife throughout the industry.
That'll make juicy evidence.
And that's a short list of the highlights.
We're not even putting money laundering into the scheme of things here, but even Blind Freddy can see all that, and much more, amounts to a very distinct "pattern of offending behaviour".
Crikey, if the banks were people, they'd all be locked up down at Long Bay for very long stretches.
As a bright-eyed journo I spent days, weeks, months sitting in Royal Commission hearings, and there if there is one thing about them - if you are ever called to give evidence at a Royal Commission, be afraid, very afraid.
They have tremendous powers, and they use them.
If you refuse to answer their questions, it's straight to jail you go for contempt.
If you perjure yourself, its down to the Supreme Court you go, for trial, where you will be done like a dinner.
Apart from that, it's open slather...a Star Chamber...the rules of evidence go by the wayside - there are none - and it's guaranteed the Commission will do deals to get some tidy witnesses to "roll over" for a tummy tickle.
It is going to be the lawyer's picnic to end all lawyer's picnics, no doubt about that, with scores of QC's at 10 paces.
It's not as if the banks aren't cashed up.
The list of legal appearances before the Commission will make up a volume of the report on its own.
There will be thousands of witnesses, it will take years, and the costs will be absolutely stratospheric, and oh, it will be so much enormous fun.
If only - if only - we had taken Ben Chifley's 1947 position to nationalise the banks, we could have saved us all a helluva lot of time, trouble and money.
Bye-bye Mal, we'll keep the pension, you can look after yourself.
Allow me just one verse from the classic Ry Cooder song, No Banker Left Behind:

Well, I hear the whistle blowin', it plays a happy tune.
The conductor's calling "all aboad", we'll be leavin' soon.
With champagne and shrimp cocktails, and that's not all you'll find.
There's a billion dollar bonus and no banker left behind.
No banker, no banker, no banker could I find.
When the train pulled out next mornin', no banker was left behind.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LxaY_mxYflg

what would Cook do?

Comrades,

I must say I have never understood Queensland politics.
Who does?
Not even back in the day of Sir Joh, when everyone was on the take and everything was clear cut - "oh, no, no, no, don't you wooorry about that..."
And Joh didn't keep the Country Party in power for 19 years for no reason - apart from being a master of the "Dark Arts", Joh had the Gerrymander down pat - everyone north of the 27th Parallel got two votes, everyone south, got one.
Simple.
Them's were the days.
On the face of it, all One Nation and the Katters did was split and fracture the Tory vote into shards, while the Pinko vote remained rock solid.
Two of the golden rules of the Miracle of Democracy right there - Solidarity Forever, and divide and rule.
By all reports, Pauline Hanson was last seen leaving the One Nation election night function clutching a half-drunk bottle of Bundaberg Black.
She must have been a bit tired and emotional.
It was very clever of the Pinko Premier, Annastacia Palaszczuk, to go for the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics - "everything tends to chaos" - in the last week of the campaign, effectively saying to the electorate, "no deals with anyone to form Government, it's me or nobody, and if you vote for any of those other bastards, our cherished stability will go up the chute and down the gurgler, and the Great State of Queensland will rapidly go to rack and ruin".
And it worked a treat.
No one likes rack and ruin.
That appalling Adani cock-up didn't raise a ripple in the bush, and the Greens went nowhere in the cities.
Labor cleaned up in Brisbane and won Townsville.
Game over.
The other main upshot is that the LNP experiment is now deceased - dead, buried, and cremated.
Their vote died in the arse something shocking - the merger of the Liberals and the Country Party was an idiot's idea from the off...god, the "wets" and the "drys" in the Liberals are about as predictable as the monsoonal seasons, and who thought they'd ever get on with the rabid hard-right farmer's lobby?
Have you ever tried to argue with a sugar cane grower?
I haven't, and I don't want to.
They used to whip Kanaky you know.
The poor ol' ABC psephologist, Antony Green, was having a very hard time of it on the live television call of the card ..."and now we come to the seat of Cook - oh, that's impossible...ah lets have a look...mmm...errr, it depends on who's votes are eliminated first here, and preferences could go anywhere, lots of postal votes, I just can't even remotely call that one...and the next seat is..."
OK then, lets have a look at Cook, Antony, if you like...it's a super-vast electorate that takes in the Torres Strait islands, and all the Cape York Peninsular right down to Skasey Town [after Christopher Skase, formerly of Majorca, now re-named Port Douglas], and out to Mareeba.
That is as FNQ as you can get.
Millions of square miles, and hardly anyone there, at a total of roughly 30,000 voters.
You could draw a 2km circle around my gaff here on the outer edge of the Inner West of Sydney and get that many electors.
And it has a long history of returning colourful Members ...Billy Gordon was the sitting MP, elected as a Labor pollie, he then became an independent after being thrown out of the Labor caucus for failing to acknowledge his not insubstantial criminal record.
During his time in office alone, Billy was the subject of an extortion threat, was falsely accused of domestic violence and fudging his tax returns to avoid paying child support for his five children, crikey - even his own mother took an AVO out against him at one stage, and then he was done for drink driving as he tootled around the Atherton Tableland.
Sensibly, Gordo decided to retire from the game at this election.
Then you can go back to the 1950's to find the wonderfully named MP for Cook - who had the seat for 16 years - Bunny Adair.
Also a Labor turn-coat who went Independent, trading off his own reputation as the publican at Freshwater.
Bunny's main claim to fame while in office was going for a short walk north of Cape Tribulation and getting lost in "impenetrable jungle", and being found by chance and rescued in farcical circumstances a week later.
Onya Bunny.
If you don't understand any of that, then you don't understand Queensland.
As everyone on the election panel kept on saying during the Tally Room count - Queensland is different and no-one else understands.
One of the anchors said "if you were wondering what's happening, we don't really know".
Mr Green was probably screaming at the executive producer "can someone, please, just tell me what the fuck is going on?"
Some boffin on the telly said "Queensland is its own machine. It operates without any need for Canberra".
Queenslanders see things that other people can't see, and they know things nobody else knows.
There is no accounting for them, and the rest of Australia is happy enough for it to stay that way, you would have thought.
Unlike Western Australia, it's a living wonder there's never been any serious secessionist movement up there.
Beautiful one day, perfect the next.

"wiser heads will prevail"

Comrades,

Not only is the result of the "non-binding postal survey" a victory for common sense and decency, it's also an outstanding endorsement of the Miracle of Democracy.
And one we didn't need to have.
Never mind that the margin in the poll was emphatically in favour of YES and it easily carried all the states, to have just 20.5% of the electorate in the "don't care" basket in a voluntary 'plebiscite' is truly extraordinary.
As the turn-out numbers were posted weekly by the ABS, and the participation rate climbed higher and higher, my daughter put it to me that perhaps it's just because Australians are so used to voting in compulsory elections, and have been educated about the importance of turning up at the ballot box [the "civic duty"] and the diligence to do it has been drummed into people from an early age, with the threat of a big bad-ass [well, really small] fine if you don't, and the stigma of being branded as a non-voter.
I pooh-poohed the idea at first, thinking "jeez, maybe I've underestimated this thing and it is a 'hot-button' issue after all", but now I'm not so sure.
And if you don't believe that there is stigma around not voting, my other daughter has a friend in her mid-20's who for some reason or another had not enrolled to vote - slipped through the cracks - and when she was urged by her friends to get on the roll for this one, she was genuinely worried that it would mean trouble, because of the fact that her non-enrollment would be exposed.
I don't know if she ever did enroll, but it was very simply - and forcefully - explained that there would be no penalty or backlash whatsoever; the Electoral Commission is a rough pub, they'll let anyone in, anyone at all, no questions asked, as long as you meet the criteria for eligibility, which is citizenship.
And, yes, you can be a dual citizen and vote.
So, the quiet grass-roots Pinko campaign to enroll as many young folk as possible through the 'social media' before the cut off date for this nonsense was supremely effective.
In less than a week before the electoral roll closed, new enrollments rose from 36,769 to more than 90,000...and you'd expect that the huge majority of those would be the people who have just turned 18.
I am now thinking, maybe they're right - they'd been taken to polling stations many times as children and been told and shown how to cast a ballot - compulsory voting is so ingrained in the Australian psyche that we just can't help ourselves from turning out in huge numbers.
We know the turn-out in general elections is generally somewhere in the mid-to-low 90 percentile [and the informal vote rarely rises above 10%], so the 79.5% voluntary roll-up for this - even the patently pathetically weak political compromise that it was - is startling.
Of course the 'campaign' was awash with bald-faced naked propaganda and there would have been instances of multiple-voting, but trying to organise it on a meaningful scale to have any significant impact on the outcome was all but impossible.
That may come, and be one of the many serious threats to democracy, but rigging free & fair compulsory elections will take some imagination.
And there has never been a serious push anytime, as far as I'm aware, for the re-introduction of voluntary voting.
Re-introduction, I hear you say?
Who knew, and pardon the little history lesson here, that it was back in 1924 that compulsory voting was enacted almost by accident - after a record low turn out in the 1922 election - by amendment to the Commonwealth Electoral Act 1918, which by all reports was passed on the voices in both Houses after about 15 minutes of debate?
And to think the bumbling fumbling right-wing fools missed the chance to do the exact same thing with the Marriage Act in 2017, with a minimum of fuss?
Instead there was all this gnashing of teeth and pulling out of hair for months on end for a result that was pretty much beyond doubt.
Gawd, help us.
Still, we're virtually on our own here, with only Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Ecuador, Lichtenstein, Luxembourg, Nauru, Peru, Singapore and Uruguay having enforceable compulsory voting, but there are exemptions in those countries for the illiterate, 16-18 year olds who may and some do have the right to vote, and the over 75's...none of which apply here.
Even the dead can vote in our democracy, until they are probated out of the picture.
Our system is for all intents and purposes unique.
High turn-outs add hefty weight and legitimacy to the well-worn hackneyed expression "the people have spoken".
I remember Joe Biden commenting before last year's US General Election on the chances of DJ Trump! winning the White House with the famous last words..."wiser heads will prevail"...but we all know the turn-out in that one was 57.9%, and some 95 million eligible voters just didn't bother to show.
Wiser heads are all very well and good, but you need to turn out the numbers, Joe.
So even though the weak-as-piss Tories have had an almighty "bagarap" keeping secret foreigners under their beds - losing their majority on the floor in the process - and are so hopelessly fractured on ideological grounds to the point were they have very little to no ideology left, the polity of Australia remains strong.
As much as the religious fundamentalist right will get themselves into a foaming slobbering lather trying to subvert the process, there is simply no arguing with this result.
"The question is resolved in the affirmative".
The electorate might be dumb, but they are definitely not stupid.
It goes without saying politicians who ignore that do so at their own peril.
In any case, everybody knows the next election will be a grand exhibition of one of our great national pastime's -- "Vote the Bastards Out!"
Vote early, vote often.
Bravo.

bánh mì in Da Nang

Comrades,

Bánh mì in Da Nang..."pâté, soy sauce, water pickles and herbs only thanks, and one with the lot for him", might have been the order.
Mr Trundle parted with tens of thousands of Dong for a couple of these excellent looking baguette.
By the look on her face, the unsuspecting woman running the trolley is thinking "who are these total ning-nongs?"

However, as can be seen here, our Great & Glorious Leader was not that impressed with the taste of the Commo Roll.
"Spare me, Jesus. Do I really have to eat this thing for the camera's trying to out-do Obama mixing with the common people?"
Next time, try not to tuck yr shirt in, mate.
And just what is that device-thingy strapped to yr left arm?

PS. From personal experience, strangely, I never did have a great Vietnamese pork roll in Vietnam, so who can blame him?
The finest bánh mì on the face of this earth without a doubt are on offer in the capital of Laos, Vientiane, best paired with the Champagne of South East Asian beers - 660ml bottles of Beer Lao, with ice.
Muddled Mal should get out more...

doing the taxpayer cold

Comrades,

I could not help but notice the uniform of the cads, bounders, shonks and shysters in Bermuda on this week's 4 Corners program, as they were looking very pleased with themselves doing the long suffering taxpayer cold.
Among the national costumes of the world, it is a very weird one.
That said, I'd be more than happy to slip on a pair for a squillion.
Scruples?
What scruples?
I'm guessing even the Prince of Wales would have been seen in them from time to time.
They are quite spiffing, wot ho?

Let's face it, who doesn't like Bermuda?
What's not to like?
181 islands to choose from, the sun shines 24/7, the palm trees sway, a warm gentle breeze blows, the ice tinkles in the glass, and there is no shortage of banana lounges surrounded by shady people to stretch out on.
Excuse my cynicism, but tax evasion has been going on since some dude thought up the brilliant idea of taxation back in ancient Roman times, and why should it be any different now?
It's been very effective for millennia, and laws are made to be broken.
Fact.
Jeez, just as a tiny example, it's all of 26 years ago now since Kerry Francis Bullmore Packer famously appeared before a Senate estimates committee and told them "I am not evading tax in any way, shape, or form. Now, of course, I am minimising my tax, and if anybody in this country isn't minimising their tax they want their heads read, because I can tell you as a Government you're not spending that well that we should be donating extra".
And that's the truth!
No fake news there.
Hyper-capitalism at its finest.
I remember one time many moons ago dropping by Kay Bros. winery in the McLaren Vale to sample some booze, and being told that egg whites were essential to the wine making process and the story of evading the "chook tax" during WWII, when there was a tax on eggs...so when the tax inspectors came to the Vale, vintners would let their flocks of chickens loose to run hither and thither through the vines so there was no chance of there being a head count to link individual birds to their owners for tax purposes, with the sneaky bastards knowing full well that their layers would return home at night to roost.
What a ruse!
While the International Consortium of Investigative Journalists [who run a marvellous magazine called The Global Muckraker] will never ever reveal their sources, it would be very interesting to know just who was responsible for the herculean task of scanning 13.4 million pages of documents, everything from the most magnificent elaborate spreadsheets right down to hand scribbled notes; the biggest "leak" from the Dodgy Lawyersville, ever.
It only suggests to me why being a legal practitioner is such a dang lucrative profession in Bermuda, Belize, the Cayman Islands, the Netherlands, Switzerland, Singapore, Ireland, Luxembourg, Curaçao, Hong Kong, Cyprus, Bahamas, Jersey, Barbados, Mauritius and the British Virgin Islands just to name a few.
Everybody knows justice goes to those who pay.
And all this talk about there being "paperless courtrooms" in the future, my arse.
Why do you think the legal system insists on original documents, and legal eagles have enormous industrial confidential paper-shredders for the copies?
It will be centuries before any of that goes "on-line".
Who wants the 'paper trail' to be any easier to trace?
I did think the monika "Paradise Papers" was a bit lame; how about "Champagne! Cocaine! Caviar! The full story revealed!"?
In any case, the coppers [the chronically under-funded and under-resourced ATO] are doing deals with tax evaders/avoiders/minimisers every day of the working week - just ask Paul Hogan, he'll tell you.
The modus operandi is the ATO does an audit, issues an ambit claim in the form of a Tax Assessment Notice, and then by no-fault negotiation, will settle out of court 99% of the time for a fraction of the assessment [typically 10-15%] on the time-honoured basis of legal dispute resolution - clauditis et vade aliquam - "shut up, and go get some".
Everybody's happy, the non-taxpayer gets away with blue murder, and the Govt. has more sacks of pineapples in Consolidated Revenue than they otherwise would have had.
Brilliant!
All anyone can do about it is to pity the poor working poor, who, in relative terms and without access to legal advice, carry a tax burden as big as an elephant...you know, the one that's in the room.

got it all wrong as usual

Comrades,

Just a quick update - I said "why would I have any idea?" and so I got it all wrong as usual.
It's all come together in remarkably quick time for a place that moves at a glacial pace.
Boom, boom!
Here is Iceland's new Prime Minister, Katrín Jakobsdóttir, chairman of the Left-Greens who has managed to cobble together a four-party coalition with the Social Democrats, the Progressive Party and the Pirate Party to gain a one-seat majority in the Althing.

She is a mother of three young boys at 41, has widespread personal popular support, comes from a long line of prominent Icelandic academics, lawyers, politicians and poets, and holds a Master of Arts degree in Icelandic Literature - so she is the full bottle on The Sagas.
Katrin is also fluent in French and English.
After being in power for a very very long time...73 years in fact [apart from a recent four-year hiatus]...the centre-right Independence Party, has now been banished to the Opposition benches.

Just another example of the Miracle of Democracy handing over the reins of power to people in their late thirties and early forties, while us baby boomers look for hippie pot-head friendly Twilight Homes to contemplate our navels and our abject failure to lead the world in any sort of direction at all, as the planet slowly returns to primordial slime.

Despite claims to the contrary, there is hope for the future.
All power to her oars.

hopelessly fractured

Comrades,

People keep coming up to me in the street and asking "what on earth is going on with the Miracle of Democracy in Iceland, Craves?".
Why would I have any idea?
All I know is it's hopelessly fractured.
After the weekend's snap general election for the 63 seat Althing [the oldest Parliament in the world est. 930AD], try and work out what these final results mean:

Bright Future: 0 seats, down 4, 1.2%
Progressive Party: 8 seats, break even, 10.7%
Reform Party: 4 seats, down 3, 6.7%
Independence Party: 16 seats, down 5, 25.2%
Peoples’ Party: 4 seats, a new party, 6.9%
Centre Party: 7 seats, another new party, 10.9%
Pirate Party: 6 seats, down 4, 9.2%
Peoples’ Front of Iceland: 0 seats, 0.2%
Social Democrats: 7 seats, up 4, 12.1%
Dawn: 0 seats, 0.1%
Left-Greens: 11 seats, up 1, 16.9%

Crikey!
It seems Iceland isn't wanting a Bright Future at the minute, and the Centre Party, formed just three weeks before the election, picked up a startling seven seats, as Icelanders drifted in on a floe from the left and right to the centre.
The scandal-plagued former senior coalition partner, the Independence Party, lost five seats, but still managed to get the majority of votes.
But forming a Govt. will be ridiculously difficult.
A two-party coalition won't cut the mustard numbers-wise, a three-mob coalition is on the cards, but the Independents hate everyone else's guts, and vice-versa, so there will be some hard bargaining and banging of heads together going down.
There's even talk of the possibility of a five-way coalition, for chrissake.
Like last time, when it took three months to sort out, Iceland's President Guðni Th. Jóhannesson, will again just sit on his haunches for as long as it takes waiting for someone to come along and say "Hey there Pres. I can form a Govt.!"
It was a shame to see the anarcho-socialist Pirate Party lose four of their ten seats, after their leader, the loopy "poetician" Birgitta Jónsdóttir retired, so their chances of making Reykjavík the capital of the New World Order have been dashed for the time being.
Pinko hopes that the Left-Greens would storm ahead didn't come to pass, so it's unlikely although not impossible that Iceland will veer off to a left wing Govt. for only the second time since Independence in 1944.
The whole post-poll shootin' match will be about as inscrutable as the Icelandic language itself.
248,502 ballots were cast, which works out at just under four thousand voters per seat.
Tiny numbers, so each vote carries quite a bit of heft.
It mustn't be that hard to get elected; you could personally ring up that many people at random out of the phonebook and try to bribe them, or just ask them, to vote for you.

PS>
Going a bit off topic here, but I stumbled into a bookshop in town the other day and saw that Kevin Rudd's lavishly produced auto-biography, Not for the Faint Hearted - A Personal Reflection on Life, Politics and Purpose, was already on the remainder table at a bargain basement price of $35.
It was ten bucks cheaper than Jimmy Barnes' Working Class Man.
And what a doorstopper that'd hold anything open in a gale it is - coming in at a whopping 627 pages.
Obviously, he didn't have an editor who could say "Aw, c'mon Kev, you're not writing 'War and Peace' here, mate".
It had an extensive index too, and I'm kicking myself now for not having a closer look to see if the entry "Chinese, Mandarin", was followed by "Chinese, ratfucked".