Winston & Jacinda

Comrades,

Well, well, well...Wily Ol' Winston gets exactly what he wanted, and then some.
He's been Deputy Prime Minister and Foreign Minister of New Zealand before, but never at the same time.
Winner!
And at a lazy pace too, days after he tapped Jacinda Arden and got into bed with NZ Labour to do the deed, in order to rule.
That's all it took really, as you'd have to think that National were unwilling to give the Rt. Hon. Winston Peters the Deputy Prime Ministership - he's got form, and carries a lot of baggage with them over the eons.
And he must fondly remember Helen Clark more than a decade ago when he was Foreign Minister in her Govt. before some unfortunate business about party funding irregularities found him out.
"Hey Jacinda! Why not make me Foreign Minister as well!?"
"What a cracking idea, Winston! Who better to represent the Land of the Long White Cloud on the World Stage!?"
I really hope Ms Arden does bring Mr Peters with her on her first visit to Australia as PM - you can imagine That Mad Maori waddling down the Corridors of Power in Canberra to Julie Bishop's office for a Death Stare competition; she would have been warned.
Everyone in diplomatic circles knows that he's as the hatter, they have long memories and are top-notch experts in accommodating that sort of thing.
There will always be a free scotch for Winston on the cocktail circuit.
Who actually gets to do the puppeteering, tho', will play out over the next three years.
I'm putting my money on the Top Dog, as she's got control of the purse strings, the yoof vote, and actually cares about climate change, she'll use Winston as her eyes and ears abroad as Foreign Minister, and keep him safely outside of the country as much as humanly possible.
Home Affairs can look after itself, as New Zealand First, with their measly nine seats, get three other Cabinet portfolio's; taking care of defence, education, economic development...and oh...forestry...so they are punching way way above their weight, while the Greens are sidelined out of Cabinet altogether, stuck on the outer ministry.
And three-way coalitions are always interesting, as they have a dynamic all their own.
Especially when an ultra-nationalist racist like Winston has to sign-off on Jacinda's socialist agrarian platform in a trade-off for cutting immigration by 30,000 folks p.a., while keeping those unreformed-Trot tree-huggers who've got some wild and wacky ideas of their own over at The Greens, happy.
But, they all agree that the regions have been neglected for at least a decade, child poverty is an issue that's rarely discussed, as is poor housing, but no-one minds at all that 100% of the income tax collected in NZ is spent on social security and welfare.
When people can't afford firewood, in a joint thick with forest, that's a worry.
It looks like Labour will at long last finally fully embrace the time-honoured trope that New Zealand is fundamentally an insular rural society - most people are more or less happy with that idea - and oh my, don't they have some ruralness to go on with?
I remember driving down towards Lake Taupo there, on the way to Mt Ruapehu one time with an Australian mate of mine who'd been in residence in NZ for many years when he suddenly exclaimed "See this! The whole country looks like one gigantic farkin' golf course with sheep on it".
Give people jobs planting a million trees a year.
Winner!
And why not increase the minimum wage to $NZ20 per hour over the next few years while yr at it.
Winner!
On an issue close to my heart, I note that the Greens and Labour both support the complete legalisation of cannabis - carte blanche - as there's no point in going on with the pretence and hypocrisy, and the matter will be settled by 2020 at the latest.
Apparently, our Cuz across The Ditch are among some of the heaviest cannabis users in the world [along with us], and vast tracts of the North Island have an ideal climate for growing some frightfully powerful marijuana.
Satisfying local demand and getting a thriving export trade going in super-duper top-notch hospital-grade hooch would be an absolute financial bonanza for the Govt. in tax returns
And just think of the old hippie & pot-head tourist possibilities, with maps of tourist drives and hand-painted road-side signs in March-April-May saying "Pick Your Own Weed! $10 a bag!".
Winner!
But I have no idea where opinion polls on this are going - has anyone bothered to conduct one?
For some arcane reason I can't fathom, cannabis law reform needs a referendum to deal with.
And New Zealanders don't muck about when they cut to the chase; it's either on, or it's not.
Witness the recent referendum on changing the national flag into a beach towel, that was roundly beaten at the polls.
And who knew that SSM ceased to be an issue in 2013 when gays were allowed to marry each other to their heart's content across the Tasman while we get all het up over a non-binding postal survey?
That one only needed an amendment to an Act of Parliament, as it does here.
Or that there are about 450 local same-sex weddings every year, or that NZ has become a leading SSM tourist destination?
I was chatting with the Good Lady Wife over the dinner table about Trans-Tasman affairs when she commented in her laconic way "Old Bill, well he didn't last long then, did he?"
As it turns out, only about ten months at the helm for Mr English, after John Key literally disappeared into thin air with his very peculiar family, a Knighthood, and about $NZ60M in net worth.
Boring-as-Batshit Bill's must be one of the shortest NZ Prime Ministership's in living memory.
I did note that the Guardian [Australian edition] reported last week:
"On Thursday evening Ardern celebrated her appointment to the top job by returning to her Wellington studio apartment with partner Clarke Gayford and eating a pot of noodles."
That was a bit rude to the Prime Minister elect, for mine.
Surely by common courtesy if she has a partner by the name of Clarke Gayford, then she should at all times be referred to in the press as "Ms Arden" or by her full name.
No one would dream of addressing Trundle, Trumbler, or whatever his name is, other than as "Mr Turnbull".
She can do what she likes.
And the best of British luck to her.
All power to her oars [on some of the most polluted waterways in the world - New Zealand 100% pure, as the old tourism advertising slogan used to go?].
I sincerely hope that her Pinko agenda succeeds, seeing that she will only be 40 when she comes up for re-election.
It's all over for us baby-boomers, we're done, we had our chance and blew it, and no-one will thank us for it.
A inexperienced youngster has her hands on the Levers of Power and will learn fast, never mind that old man looking over her shoulder from afar.

PS>
The Miracle of Democracy is mighty hard to keep up with at the minute.
The Czech's get a new billionaire populist PM in Andrej Babiš [unlike Australia who have an unpopular billionaire PM], Austria drifts to the Euro-skeptic centre-right with 31-year-old wunderwuzzi Sebastian Kurz looking to form minority Govt to become the next Chancellor, The Donald's old mate Shinzō Abe gets re-elected in Japan in a landslide simply because there was no-one else seemingly available, Mr Xi Jinping Sir of China is elevated to legendary status by vote of The People's Congress - no need to ask non Party-types what they think on that one, given that's not high on the agenda - everybody seems a bit feisty and antsy over Catalonia way, and only God knows what is going on in Kenya.
Phew.

Photo: Hagen Hopkins/Getty