and the winner is...the Miracle of Democracy!

Comrades,

If there's one thing to come out of the US mid-term elections that no-one has really had a look at yet, it's that devout election deniers who backed DJ Trump!'s fantasy that he had the Presidency stolen from him - are NOT denying the results of this election, not even the hard core insane among them. Aint that strange? You would've expected to see them on the rooftops shouting "We Wuz Robbed!". There was nothing to complain about back in 2020, and there's nothing to complain about now. Despite every state having complete control over how they conduct their elections, and with every state doing it differently - gerrymandering and voter suppression aside - the integrity of the vote nationwide is not in dispute, anywhere. This is nothing less than a supreme victory for the Miracle of Democracy.

After the widely predicted "Red Wave" failed to materialise - in the words of a New York Times headline "We May Have Reached The Limit Of Crazy That Will Be Tolerated" - the only Republican 'declaring victory' was DJ Trump! himself, who everywhere else, even on Fox News, is being labelled as "The Biggest Loser". Never ever underestimate The Donald of course, but he is a pathological batshit crazy narcissist who will not tolerate rejection, let alone humiliation. He's got a lot of face to lose, and by 2024, he could be in stripey pyjama's behind the jailhouse walls anyway, where it must be hellishly difficult to campaign from.

Sure, the "Biggest Winner" is the 44-year-old Republican Governor of Florida, Ron DeSantis, who was re-elected in a landslide. But don't forget he campaigned heavily on his record as an arch enemy of "wokeness" and Florida having being a "haven of sanity when the world had gone mad with Covid". This bloke is further right than Genghis Khan, make no mistake, but he's a shrewd opportunistic politician, lacks the crazy, has limited charisma, isn't even a great public speaker, but instead trades on his reputation of 'getting things done'. He'd be out of his cotton pickin' mind not to make a run for the White House in '24. The times of elderly, legacy Presidents are finished.

But back to the vote - turn out is traditionally much lower in mid-term elections than Presidential elections, of course - and this time it was all over the shop, as usual. While the average turn out was 48% of eligible voters, in states like Mississippi and West Virginia fully 70% of the electorate simply didn't bother to go anywhere near a ballot box, while only eight states had a turn out better than 55%. Nowhere was the turn out better than 60%. But it's not that surprising that half the country is simply not engaged politically, as they're far too busy living a hand-to-mouth existence in the Home of The Brave & the Land of The Free.

All of this happened, even after I failed to wear to bed last night one of my favourite campaign t-shirts from yesteryear for good luck:

 

the Carnival continues

 

 

Comrades,

You gotta love Uncle Jim Chalmers' "reasonably responsible budget".

First and foremost there are a fuckton of votes in Child Care and Paid Parental Leave. An absolute poultice of them. It seems the rise of the 'teal' Independents has at last woken Labor up to the enormously powerful bloc that is the 'women's vote' (although they'll say they've been working on it for decades.) Well, how about "equal pay for equal work", then? How's that going since it became legislation eons ago, and has been studiously flouted and ignored ever since?  Tony Burke better have his ears pricked up.

Millions in waste and mismanagement used to make my blood boil and shit me to tears, now tens of billions of bucks worth of gargantuan pork-barrelling and other blatant vote buying by the ScoMo Govt. barely raises a shrug of the shoulders and a "Of course they did. The Dead Man Walking had no other choice". And most of it was done at the behest of the Country Party anyway, to keep them quiet in in the party room. For a good century, whenever anything goes bad on the farm, out go both hands for Govt. subsidies in every conceivable kind of rort (e.g. how long has the "Farm Diesel Rebate Scheme" been going on for? If any other small business tried that one on, they'd be promptly told where to shove it. But they gotta keep the tractors running, on the cheap). What about getting it off farm? If Tim Fischer AC - the only sensible Country Party loyalist I've ever met - was still with us, he'd still be screaming from the rooftops about High Speed Rail. Seems the Pinko's have foreshadowed some movement, though, for strict limitations on filling the kegs with ham.

Structural deficit tied to the stupendously expensive Covid response and decades of climate denial and the miserable failure to deliver on a "carbon tax" will look after itself over time. It just has to. And will. Falling real estate values are perfectly fine, even a 20% drop won't cover the insane housing price boom seen at the end of '21/start of '22. Fingers will be burnt of course, but so what - it's only sucko to those who got sucked in by the FOMO. And in the end, it's the shareholders in the ludicrously profitable banks - who just move one hill of beans from one side of the room to the other - who will have to pay for the debt defaults. Soon enough, fire sales will be in season. Labor's response is building masses of new housing and social housing stock. Very good luck with that in the current climate.

Inflation running high and the complete irony of full employment is much better than stagflation (which Uncle Jim slightly mis-pronounced on interview after the budget as "Stag Nation"). OK, vast tracts of productive crop land has been flooded, but there'll be subsidies for that to keep prices manageable, and the latest big news to come out of a completely swamped Moree is that they've "run out of beer". Poor snowflakes. In contrast, one of the Favourite Daughters - a denizen of Footscray - reported seeing bar stools floating down the flooded Maribyrnong River. Do you think the upstream riverside small bars will get any compo for them? In your dreams. They're expected to have insurance.

But zero immigration during the Pando and the subsequent crippling labour shortage, as well has stubbornly high diesel prices, the world wide supply chain snarl, and China looking more and more inwardly on matters economic are the biggest drivers of inflation that inevitably hit the poor (again), as the rich can easily afford to pay more for their Jimmy Choo's.

You have to admire the guts of Albo in resisting huge pressure to scrap the Stage Three Tax Cuts. He was simply chanelling JPK here in his famous "L-A-W. Law" line. The cuts were supported by The Pinko's at the time, and breaking promises like that give His Majesty's Opposition perpetual ammunition that have been known to kill Government's stone dead when it comes to election time. Too bad the rich and the rapidly diminishing upper middle class will benefit most, and the working poor will get about one dollar week if that, but when it comes to back-tracking on big ticket items, voters have very long memories - especially as these tax cuts are phased in over years, not next week.

Of course Albo loves nothing more than channelling Hawkie, even though he has as just about as much charisma as Old Mate Joe Biden. While he has reined in his innate combative personality, Albo would do much better if he gave away his sometimes snarky attitude and comments. He also "ums" & "ahs" too much off the cuff.  Unfortunately, nothing can be done about "that voice". He's no media tart, unlike Scomo, the biggest press prossy there ever was.  Albo is definitely governing "by committee", just like Hawkie, looking for consensus, everywhere and anywhere he can find it. He's not wasting his precious time on being a micromanager like his predecessor, and is unafraid to delegate responsibility as he has complete trust in his ministers to quietly get on with the job without making a great big sound about it. The PM does, and should, have bigger fish to fry on the major policy initiatives. The Wongster has being doing a top job in Foreign Affairs, diving straight into the South Pacific where she's constantly turned up to sort out some serial recalcitrants, warn them off thinly-veiled Chinese promises with "you know which side your bread is buttered on". Now she's making tentative forays in SE Asia to try and repair the damage done by successive Coalition Govts. who sent a swathe of freaks into the rarefied world of the Diplomatic Corps such as Alexander Downer, Julie Bishop, and Marise Paine. Don't think Senator Penny has made a visit to the States or Europe yet. Why bother? They are no longer the centre of diplomatic power like they used to be, and the longer she avoids the UK the better (remember Tim Tams for Penguins - a very ordinary biscuit?). Uncle Bill Shorten is even making a comeback, and telling anyone who'll listen about being the fixer of the fraud-riddled lazily bureaucratic NDIS. The crippled deserve much better, and Bill's been told to do the job properly to help restore his political capital.

Uncle Jim - like Hawkie - also gave up the drink during the Pando (when most people hit the booze real hard) so he was clear-headed into coming onto the Pinko Treasury Benches. He found it much easier than just cutting back on the grog. He'll tell you Cold Turkey is the only way. There hasn't been a sober Treasurer in a while.

Dick Dutton is also doing very well on his makeover. The other day I saw him dressed in a checked shirt surrounded by flunkies and reporters in suits & ties. Obviously he's eschewed the hi-viz, and jettisoned anything remotely to do with ScoMo, having replaced his attack dog mode with something smoother and simpler. All he needs to do now is get a wig. When asked about it he can say "Wot wig? Alopecia cured. Next question?". Good job, but what kind of rump Opposition does he have to lead? Sussan Ley is only the deputy through sheer loyalty as she voted for Dutton in leadership spills against Malcolm Trumble and ScoMo, and comes with some baggage as well. Tudgey is an outright creep, Taylor is an unabashed fascist, Barbaby Joyce is well, Barnaby Joyce, Michaelia Cash is a space cadet from another planet, and no-one has ever heard of anyone else, with good reason. The Tories will be smacked hard again in Victoria and NSW (pre-selection infighting - will they ever learn?) in coming months, making it even harder to make Mob Dutton credible again, as they continue to be under takeover pressure from hard right Pentecostals, even though their spiritual leader is gone.

If everything goes to shit - which is highly likely with the USA no longer great and utterly incabable of being "great again", the northern winter on the way and war in Europe - world wide recession is highly likely. But it won't be as big or as sudden as the GFC, so there will be no more Kevin07 "Free Telly's For All".

--

 

Chairman Ping of China

 Comrades,

With the 20th session of the CCP People's Congress currently underway in Beijing, where Chairman Ping of China is expected to be given carte blanche for the next five years, did rather enjoy this detailed map of the current state of affairs in the region:

 

defies all common sense

Comrades,

After the unbelievable Roe v Wade ruling by the US Supreme Court, followed the stripping of environmental powers from the President, and upholding the "right" to pull a gun on some innocent dude in New York City and get away with it if yr White; if yr Black you better stay well back, and any number of other erosion's of the Miracle of Democracy, it's pleasing to note that since the "Menhennitt Judgement" of 1967 the legal principles of the abortion question have been decided, finished & settled in Straya, even if the states were very slow to put anything of their own in the statute books, with South Australia shamefully only making abortion "legal" in 2021. What would Justin do? Fundamentalist Godbotherer's have a lot to answer for and the poor ol' States still have the mark of the Orange Being branded on them with a hot iron. God Save America. And yet all of this defies all common sense that the law has no place in a woman's uterus.

 

 Seen in Hollywood, California last week...

 

Seen in Brooklyn, New York last week...

 

Seen in Chicago, Ilinois last week 

just how huge Ukraine is

 Comrades,

With PM Albo still toying with the idea of visiting Kyiv despite saying he doesn't have the time after he's tidied up some residual issues on the sidelines of the NATO Meeting, maybe it's time for a rudimentary look see at the current situation where there are no winners in simple terms.

After exactly four months of total war, Russia now occupies roughly 19-21% of Ukrainian territory. That includes the Crimea and parts of the Donbas that were annexed/taken over in 2014. To give you an idea of just how huge Ukraine is, this is what that area looks like transposed on other parts of Europe.

How Vlad the Impaler could have ever imagined he could conquer the whole of the Ukraine after losing the battle of Kyiv is beyond belief. There's a very very long to way to go to recreate the USSR, let alone the mythical Russian Empire. The Ruskies are probably looking at 30-35,000 dead at this stage, and wounded or captured would be four to five times that number. Ukrainian casualties are probably well less than half that. The current Russian tactic of concentrating forces and "outshelling" the Ukrainians 10-1 in artillery duels, will only see gun barrels wear out at an alarming rate, and ammunition is not infinite. According to latest guesstimates, Russia has lost about 620 heavy artillery pieces (not including tracked artillery or rocket launchers), out of a total of around 1,570 pieces that are currently capable of active service. There are many more thousands "in reserve", but that's one helluvan attrition rate. Russia may well "win" the war, but it would take years, maybe decades on current progress, by which time Putin would be dead (so too DJ Trump!).

Hard times ahead, for everyone. Thanks Vlad.

Reffo's for Rwanda!™

Comrades,

There's been a bunch of newsprint rolled out on DJ Trump!'s current difficulties viz-a-viz the Miracle of Democracy. Exposed with no clothes as he is in Congress is bad enough, but the long arm of the law is also looking on with more than a passing interest, so here's a pretty naff (but to the point) interpretation of the brou-ha-ha currently being played out in a nation without hope:

meantime, back in the real USA...only in Louisiana...did I say without hope? Seen in Baton Rouge ...

 

If that's not enough, I note Big Bad Bonking Bozo Boris has taken a leaf straight out the Strayan Tory's playbook with the "unfair" and "unlawful" Reffo's for Rwanda!™ bandwagon. What a smashing idea. And this from the chief protagonist of © Partygate...

Seen in Didcot, Oxfordshire.

 

 

 

"we don't want to examine the entrails before we have gutted the chicken"

Uren on Albanese "I love that boy".

 

Comrades,

Acres of old growth forest have been wasted on newsprint so the commentariat could do their mostly uninsightful post postmortems on The Election, but it's not really the seismic shift of tectonic proportions in politics that everyone's been talking about. There's always been room for a "third force" in Australian politics...just ask the Country Party, without whom the Liberals would never gain power. Ever. Then there's the spectre of the DLP for too many years, eons ago now, Don Chip's Democrats kept the bastards honest in the Senate for longer than they rightly should have, and then the Greens came along and bought the unreformed Trots with them, but hardly anyone else, and now with 12 Senators (that's a full state, btw), they have a sizeable bloc of votes and now some clout to go with it in the lower house. The Teals are obviously not, in Lil' Johnnie's famous last words, "Labor groupies" nor are they a "fake party", Honest John. They are independents with three pillars of policy in common, we know that much, but elsewhere on the legislative agenda, who knows? Where do they stand on foreign policy, given there used to be no votes in it and now there are, by all accounts? They can't even agree on a colour scheme, one of them uses pink and should be sued for trademark infringement by the Pinko's. But the Teals cashed in big time on the sense of disenchantment that festered like a pustule during the Pando. People had had it up to here with the bullshitting and realised it's just not worth putting up with anymore when times are tough. What the Teals have also done exquisitely well is put privately educated privileged professional North Shore & Eastern Suburbs women right into the political frame, while a grand majority of "working class" women can plainly see Labor as their only hope for affordable child care and thence the pathway to good employment and money. And they voted that way, whipping those Pinko's arses back to Canberra with what will be almost certainly an outright majority.  While the Teals as a "loose unit" might not be a new third force on their own, their staggering success just emphasises the absolutely critical importance of retail politics. Not only do successful independents have to pick the timing of their run impeccably, but to have any chance at all of winning against the Establishment, they must go in with all guns blazing - knock on every door, put a pamphlet in every hand, plaster your face all over the place, and now you have to be constantly in everyone's very well targeted Facebook face, as well. The Soschuls are a gold mine for these people. Just ask Jacquie Lambie who uses it superbly, and now has a friend in the Senate to join her in being professionally furious about everything all the time, particularly if it's got anything to do with Tasmania. And that's from a very small base of barely half a million people. On inquiry, the Stats Guru suggested drawing a circle ten kilometres in radius from my gaff here on the outer edge of Sydney's inner-west on an electoral map, and that's the entire population of TAS, man, woman and child, right there. Crikey. No wonder the land is unaffordable. Apart from being a fuckton of local by-elections, Federal elections always have had that curious Federation flavour, unsurprisingly.

Pleasing to see that for the first time in decades, QLD didn't decide the outcome, despite the Greens having a startling clean-up of inner Brisbane seats they reckon they'd targeted as good prospects two years ago; if they have indeed rounded up the Yoof Vote which appears to be the case, then well done them, at what would have been very long odds indeed. Well thought out strategy gets you respect. Augers well for the future, you'd hope, if the young folk are that politically engaged. Climate is now not the "single issue" of old hippies or the Greenie Lefty past, it's right here, right now. Meantime, over in the Golden West, the cavemen and women went into the polling booths with their baseball bats swingin' and chainsaws whirring and tidied up the Tories in suburban Perth good and proper, annihilating ScoMo's rabble over there on the say-so of the WA Premier. Such was the Pinko's popularity on the other side of the Island - after being kept safe there during the worst scourges of the Pando - the good burghers of the West Strayan capital even elected a socialist former Malaysian dolphin trainer fluent in ten languages against all expectations. Few, if any, gave him more than two chances at being elected - none and Buckley's. If someone were to write some treatise of the Election they need go no further than "How The West Was Won".  In Melbourne, where the Conservatives have no compunction whatsoever in eating each other alive for breakfast, the Tories were dealt a fell blow in the Tealslide as notions of affluence and leafy streets were rent asunder. A lot of really silly shit went down in Sydney, on both Shores, but nothing much at all was happening in the vast Greater West parts where it was simply tit for tat. SA and TAS continue to elect unrepresentative swill, as usual.

After ScoMo tested the Federation to breaking point during the Pando, it's still there, with all it's curious inconsistencies, local mysteries and strange politics. If memory serves, Albo is having one final meeting of the" National Cabinet", where abolishing it will be the first item on the agenda. Then when all the states turn Pinko next year it'll be back to the bi-annual "Premier's Conference" just like back in the day. Scomo's only legacy after leading the worst do-nothing Govt in living memory will be the complete & utter destruction of the Liberal Party as a serious political force. We know that. The final images of Scotty from Marketing scuttling away from Kiribilli House were telling. There is just nothing there, nothing behind the facade. Said it before, say it again, but from the very moment the Kid President Macron called him a liar, any political capital ScoMo had left was gone, spent, finished, evaporated in seconds - bouffée!. He was unelectable from there on in. Can't see any biography of ScoMo's time in office selling all that well. Someone with too much time on their hands would have already mocked up the book cover in a meme, no doubt. Even some scandalous scribbler with a sensational tell-all would struggle to get an advance on the book. The progressive/moderate/centre - and here's a new one, wait for it - the "modernist" wing of the Libs gutted and eviscerated at the polls and all they have left is an old hard right former Queensland cop as the new leader? Spare me. What short term hope have they got? None. The Tories lost 20 seats in the Ruddslide 15 years ago, and will lose a minimum of 18 this time out, so they're due for some extra time in the political wilderness. It's a long way back from there.

In the final paralysis, the best line of the night in the tally room came from some feckless faceless Liberal Party apparatchik who was asked for their opinion on where the conservatives may lurch after their monumental flogging at the polls and remarked "well, look, we don't want to examine the entrails before we have gutted the chicken".

There always has been room for a third way; as the Guru pointed out, the collapse in the primary vote of the two major parties has been going for a long time now and in the glowing light of hindsight shouldn't come as much of a surprise. But, as Labor have found out to their immense profit, when you effectively fan it out over six very different states all with their own distinct agendas, it's now possible to win majority Govt with just 33% of the national primary vote. The challenge now is to hang onto it, and that's a big ask in the current climate. 

With folks more than ever seemingly worried about the future, Albo's over arching plan appears to be to have Straya in a "better place" at the end of three years, aka "the future", and says it might even take two terms given it's such a shocking time to be taking the reins of Govt. An absolute shocker, with everything at the whim of world events, the Honky dollar, and inevitable hard times on the way. It's a tough brief. So, a straight stride onto the world stage first up to shake the hand of Old Mate Uncle Joe - Mr President himself - could not have been better optics for Albo. While the road ahead will be long and the way will be hard, the honeymoon will be short. But in a twist of fate, it's just the opening stanza in the next political cycle of the Miracle of Democracy. The new Prime Minister knows that better than anyone. Three years to get it right, son. Solidarity forever.

 

The Four Amigo's perform the Royal Wave, Tokyo, Japan, 24 May, 2022.

the greatest country on earth!

 

Screaming Believers,

Could hardly resist going on a pub crawl through the heart of Alboland yesterday, inc. a stop at the newlyish re-opened Marrickville Hotel, Marrickville. Why the hell not - it's only next door...one for the ages...

 

 

 

 

Vote the Bastards Out!

 

Comrades,

An oldie, but a goodie always comes out at Miracle of Democracy time...coming at ya live from Conway Hall, London, August 2007...three months before Kevin07 came to visit...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1LLsw1lcuA

You know it makes sense.

Vote early, vote often.

 

bull in a china shop

 

Comrades,

What a week! The last working week of the Campaign ahead of us, and the Miracle of Democracy has been stretching its legs all over...Bong Bong Marcos gets swept to power in a landslide as President of the Philippines to "fulfill my family's destiny", whatever that is. Never mind that his father made off with billions from the state treasury that were never seen nor heard of again or that his mother was a kleptoshoemaniac...that's all in the past now. At least they are rid of Roddy "shoot 'em up first and ask questions later" Duterte (even though his daughter has been elected Vice President, for Chrissake!). While straight talkin' Roddy was term limited, it's still the old lesser of two evils conundrum. Saw a woman on the TV get right in the face of the Kid President during a walkabout in the recent French presidential campaign to tell Macron that his run against Le Pen was "like you giving us a choice - what do we want? Cholera, or the Bubonic Plague?!". Then Sinn Féin pops up and gets elected in Northern Ireland. You'll remember them as the political wing of the Irish Republican Army (IRA), the old "Armalite and ballot box strategy", and all that. Joisus.  While having a single United Ireland at the top of their platform as always, Sinn Féin's win was credited to campaigning hard with local level retail politics on problems like the cost-of-living, housing and education. Sound familiar? And then Mike Gunner gives it away as Northern Territory Chief Minister and no one bats an eyelid; the Member for Fannie Bay saying he's no longer got the "head or heart" to carry on in the Top End's top job. It's the wrong time of year to "go troppo" up there, so he must be one of the few sane ones left. It's hard just to keep up.

Hammering down a number on a minimum wage rise el pronto as soon as they win Govt (via the tried and true method of a formal Govt. submission to the Fair Work - formerly Industrial Relations - Commission and in the good ol' Australian way, the umpire makes the call and everyone gets on with it) looked like a basic, but first-rate, Pinko tactic. But this can get you called a "loose unit" apparently. Seeing the Miracle of Democracy is - in the final paralysis - a numbers game, I thought I'd wake the Stats Guru from his slumber over there in Sportsworld to flip the beads on the abacus on this one. He's landed on the 735,000 folks who are on the minimum wage (annualised at $40,175 before tax) compared to the number of "small businesses" (defined by the ABS as having 1-19 employees) at roughly 215,000. So, you can shimmy shammy all you like about how that translates directly into votes, but the Guru scratched the pimple on his arse and came to the conclusion that there are at least twice as many votes in the minimum wage as there are chits in the ballot box from those engaged in low-level capitalism. Albo's no loose unit, he counts those kind of numbers in his sleep, and whatever way you look at it, he wins the class war! The proletariat and the rank'n'file have not been to the University, the rent's too high, the grocery bill is horrendous and on and on it goes - so instead of peanuts, promising even a sniff of a good pay rise is always a winner. You don't need to know the price of a head of lettuce to heed the sage advice of PJ Keating, who's made a point of subscribing to the view that the mug punter "will always back the horse called Self Interest".

ScoMo hasn't learnt a single thing from the last time around; high-viz and beer-swilling have no appeal to the vast swathe of the electorate who have zero interest in either. Being like a bull in a china shop called Bloke's World is not a vote winner. We're three years down the track here, mate, the world has moved on. So, Scotty from Marketing then proceeding to shoot himself in the foot while on the hop by admitting he can be a "bit of a bulldozer" after all and that he needs to change was a zinger of a shocker (have you ever tried to change a man?). That of course implies that he has a weakness, and that's the very very last thing you should admit to on the Campaign Trail where everything is about projecting strength. All it does is produce a collective eye-roll from half the electorate - women - whose deep loathing of the do-nothing snoozer's guts should be enough on it's own to see ScoMo cast adrift from The Lodge. They won't forget the likes of the former Hon. Christian Porter, and the "where's Tudgey?" game of late has been right up there in the realms of farce. And the attitude and general demeanor of that home wrecker, nose bleeder, and Deputy PM - the Inbred Tomato - is well known, as is the fact that the increasingly irrelevant Country Party rump has been cut loose from the Campaign as a liability, and left high and dry on the farm. And speaking of ideology, the take over of the Liberal Party by hard-right evangelicals will be exposed for what it is in the inevitable bloodbath after an election loss and there will be a whole lot of trouble going down in conservative ranks. Just before the election was called, you'll recall, the Libs were falling over each other while queuing up to bag ScoMo and call their own Big Kahuna all kinds of names. Imagine what it'll be like when the thing goes the shape of a very large pear on Saturday. Hang on to yr hats.

Never mind the open to all kinds of rorting cynical ploy of buying sub-prime housing with the super you didn't spend during the Pando. Remember that? The 3.5 million Australians who accessed their super during the time of plague spending $36B will. They have nothing left, but they have the vote. DOFUP (DOn't-F-uck-It-UP) should be the ALP's cry for the final week. Especially since the Tories' "miracle" showing last time out, when Labor magically managed to contrive snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. While the Masters of the Dark Arts ply their dubious trade and the party's Dirt Unit works overtime on the socials, the Good Ship Pinko just needs to hold a steady course on a tight trim sailing close to the breeze. It's a pretty shitty time to take over the reins of Govt., but with hard times on the way, any time is a good time to fracture the Coalition three ways, forever.

 

the end of free money

 

Comrades,

Everyone knows what happened last time there was an interest rate rise during an election campaign - Lil' Honest Johnnie Howard got smashed in the Kevin07 landslide and lost his own seat. That's a harbinger for you, if ever there was one.   

I've been banging on for a year at least about the economy being awash with the slosh of lazy money as dollar bills flew off the printing presses at an astonishing rate during the Pando. That waterfall of Govt. cash fueled runaway inflation from the very moment the pedal came off the fiscal stimulus metal. The inevitable end of free money will have all kinds of unintended consequences, not the least of which is in real estate and housing. I've lived in this town for more than 35 years and seen some bat shit crazy stuff go down in the real estate market (which is all Sydneysiders ever talk about, allegedly), but the Boom Boom of late last year was beyond insane. A bad case of FOMO was a big part of it, but they could see hard times are a comin' and the bandwagon just took off rapidly in a northerly direction. No-one has lived with "normal monetary policy" since the Sydney 2000 Olympics apparently, and I know voters who were not yet living their born days back then, for Chrissake. The opposite of "quantitative easing" is unsurprisingly "quantitative tightening", and that does not auger at all well for the Govt. Six million pensioners and dole bludgers will be more than happy to take their free $250 off the taxpayer courtesy of the generosity of ScoMo, and then vote Labor. No wuckers. Thanks sucker. A nice little sausage to celebrate you going out through the back door without so much as one. Pop the corks. You'd hope.

Howard's "anti-Liberal groupies" line sounded like something out of a twisted student politics fantasy where all the pretty, interesting girls were in Young Labor. Old Man talk, that. Putting aside my deep ideological differences over far too many years with Lil' Johnnie, and my general detestation of the bloke, if there's anything HJ can do right, it's know how to read the political barometer and then take a look at the tea leaves. He wouldn't have been in power for 11 years if he couldn't. Honest John predicted that if just one of the hitherto unelected so-called "Teal" candidates manages to flip a single seat off the Liberals, then "the Government is finished". Just one seat. He was probably talking more about a Climate Commie takeover in the event of a hung Parliament, but he's dead right. As the Libs complain long and loud about the Teals conveniently doing Labor's dirty work for them, on the day, it will come down to who has the best looking picture on their placard outside the polling station. All of the Teal's are very presentable people for a reason. If you don't believe me, Hunter S Thompson in Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72  presented very sound evidence that fully 20% of the electorate don't have a clue who they'll vote for until they turn up on the day and pictures of the candidates have a very important role to play. These folks are not early voters.

Then there's the curious case of Zoe Daniel who has the best chance of any of the 15 or so Teals of getting elected (the bookies currently have her as a raging $1.55 odds-on fave to take out the Liberal's Tim Wilson, who's worse than even money). Leaving aside her tawdry former trade, journalism, she claims to have raised more than a million bucks in campaign cash. Half comes from that most mysterious source known as "the community" (anything under $14.5K does not need to be declared), while eco warrior Mike Cannon-Brookes has tipped in the other half believing she'll give it a red hot go. Guessing most of that will be spent on Facebook advertising and misinformation (same thing?), but the Teal's chances will all come down to who looks the best on the corflutes and gets the retail politics right on the ground - just ask Maxine McKew who ousted Lil' Johnnie in '07, and claimed her victory could be put down solely to her personally knocking on every single door in Bennelong. Whether that's humanly possible or not, who knows, but you get her drift.

Integrity in Govt. is one of the Teals' three general planks in their shaky platform as far as I can make out, so ScoMo's doubling down on the scary concept of a Federal ICAC was foolish at best, disastrous at worst. It was refreshing then to hear one of the Commissioners down at the NSW ICAC, Rushton SC, have a lash at those who think public corruption is no big deal, going so far as to call them "buffoons", which is not yr usual lawyer speak. People really care about this low-down dirty shit, he reckons. Of course Rushton was splitting legal hairs saying that it's impossible for an ICAC to be, in Scotty's famous last words, a "Kangaroo Court", because an ICAC is not a "court", it's an "investigative body with Royal Commission powers". But it is a "Star Chamber" no doubt, and many have fallen by the wayside in there, and that's because these people can do whatever they like with the full protection of the law if they decide to go after you. They would also not hesitate for a single second to cook a corrupt Labor goose, either. Just ask Eddie Obeid, he'll tell you. It's a truism "if you are ever called to give evidence at a Royal Commission, be afraid, very afraid", but a good one. Never mind living in perpetual fear of Climate Commies, ScoMo, your lot are next, with Albo committed to setting up a Federal ICAC by Xmas. Just saying. Might be a bit of biting yr own arse going on here?  Especially if you don't even know the meaning of the word "autocracy" because putting the word "public" in front of it makes it entirely meaningless. Hit forehead with palm of hand.

Two weeks is an eternity in politics. Last night's free-to-air shouting match achieved nothing for anyone. Some clever dick described the upcoming exercise in the Miracle of Democracy as "effectively ten by-elections", but any psephologist could tell you that. The Masters of the Dark Arts are all over it. It's tightly reflected on the Campaign Trail, where, for instance, the importance of South Australia has been reduced to a single contestable seat while the votes in the outer west of Sydney and metro Perth are being wrung out like a wet towel. Queensland is another planet altogether. Little Tassy? Unrepresentative swill. Albo has been the best 'numbers man' in the business for decades and he's proud of it. He knows from long experience as a back room boy the importance of keeping your head low when the shit inevitably hits the fan in the final fortnight. In the meantime, he can be effusive in his private generous praise of the Governor of the Reserve Bank, Half Full Phil, for taking care of that week for him.

 

khaki or carbon?

 

Comrades,

With Albo out of the race and confined to quarters in Marrickville during the 3rd week of the Campaign, ScoMo was forced to admit that it'd been a quiet week. That's a big concession to make for someone so charismatic. Albo did have time in Iso though to have a quick dash at a "women's magazine cover" and go through his underprivileged childhood for the thousandth time. We've heard it all before of course, but it's a nice feelgood story, so why not use it? He's a good working class boy who's risen to the top of the froth. Make that plain.

In the meantime, both sides have been letting their attack dogs out on the streets nipping at the ankles, but they better make up their minds on whether its going to be a khaki or carbon election, or if any of that really matters at all, when it's votes yr looking for.

Dick "Warhope" Dutton has been a tremendous hawk with the "armed conflict is inevitable" line. Not looking at you China and not talking "yellow peril" here, oh no siree. But, it'd be a top idea to put the Australian military through it's paces, wot ho? An army that's got too many APC's and wants new tanks? After they were effectively made redundant outside Kyiv? They'd be better off investing in heavy artillery and killer drones, the way things are swinging, instead of retiring useless helicopters, as they are. An Air force finally flying the aready off the pace, highly problematical F-35's on a wing and a prayer after more than a decade of delays in old slow defunct planes? And a Navy in complete & utter disarray sailing dead-set rust-buckets, with no hope of any submarines or other kind of new boats in the foreseeable future. Red China would be quaking in their very boots at that arsenal. We'd be rolled over, shot outta the sky, and sunk in 5 minutes against a "determined enemy". But we have a piece of paper. They had to trash ANZUS to get AUKUS, so you can forget ANZAC - that's all finished. Still, Warhope would love nothing more than to see it all tipped into some shooting match, with a bigger standing army for more cannon fodder. Labor, sensibly, is staying as completely bi-partisan as they possibly can be under provocation, while trying to make sense of the Brave New World. Takes the fuse out of it. The Red Baiting is like water off the electorate's back. Since when has the Great Unwashed ever been outraged about what's going down among the swaying palms out Honiara way, let alone what's shakin' in the Spratley's?

Not much of a sound or fury coming from the gentle woosh-whosh of the wind turbines as much this Campaign, did you notice? The haunting spectre of a "carbon tax" hasn't gained any traction, maybe because it's a good idea. Perhaps that's because we never reached "Peak Oil" before its terminal decline in the first place, and still we get "oil shocks". A solar panel on every rooftop might solve a few problems, and you can pitch that to the electorate, along with a couple of free bales of Mr Fluffy's pink bats for every house! Brilliant! Never mind that the newly minted phrase "global heating" is already with us - you should try out the La Niña weather phenomenon here on the East Coast just for a start off - after two years of isolation and difficult & uncertain times, folks just don't want to imagine the whole planet going completely to fuck as well, just when the joint got a right going over from some mutant disease. The Pandemic rarely gets a mention. Recent survey's suggest 1% of people rate the Corona an election issue. How is such a seismic societal shift so easily forgotten? Voters would rather hope it all goes away or buy an electric car if they had the money to assuage their green guilt. Or maybe go half way, and catch a gas powered (hydrogen) bus? Or catch Covid. Or something. Or another.

But camoflauge uniforms and carbon credits are not what you'd call 'hot button' issues at the minute; they rarely are. Negative wage growth for a decade, and the impending threat of the dreaded Stagflation - where spending power gets brutally punished - is front of mind for most everyone. "Albo out of Iso" was the headline on Albo's twitter feed with a nice pic of him and the dog, Toto, in the park. A stark counterpoint to Scomo having a lark at Lark's distillery down there in marginal little Tassie, while tipping in $4.5 of lazy taxpayers cash to build a new plant knocking out a million litres of whisky a year (that's a helluva lotta pork barrells) saying it was an excellent example of how he understood "Australians doing it tough" - and enjoying the on-brand beverages - it's be rude not to. Not that Scott from Marketing would be looking, but it pays to pay attention to the now rare vox pops you see on the TV news these days, but there was one the other day where I saw a Chinese bloke who was asked his general opinion of Scomo and replied in his well-developed hallmark halting English "He doesn't give me money to buy food, why should I vote for him?". Remember the price of lettuce, son, and know that soon enough the cost of pineapples will be prohibitive.

The arguments are endless and circular, and it's smart of the Pinko's to avoid any real or bold defence or environmental policies and stick to platform, while pointing to ScoMo's unwillingness to hold the hypodermic needle because it was "not a race" as the bodies piled high, not to mention the sorry saga of "HoseGate" in the Happy Isles of Hawaii, go him for his dishonest shared blame game and the "it's not my job' line. Sill, incumbency is a very difficult object to shift, Albo's electability (that face, that voice) remains under a cloud, and ScoMo just being an incompetant weirdo is not enough. You more or less have to prove that the Govt. of the day is "not fit to govern". So, best to start going straight for the testicles with a few low blows this far out from the Miracle of Democracy's judgement day. Always looking for the Squirrel Grip or the Christmas Hold, with a twist. Now's the time for some genuine fear & loathing.

 

 

foreign policy and sexy business

 

Comrades,

What a week on the Campaign Trail! One of the best ever. Next to no policy on offer, with the meejah obsessed over two issues that have absolutely no votes in them - foreign policy and sexy business. Gawd Almighty. Oh, and scare campaigns. Don't get me wrong, I'm an enormous fan of putting the frighteners on big blocs of votes. Pensioners, ideally. But you really should put off scaring the living bejesus out of people until the last week of the Campaign. They've gone way too early here, for mine, and it's all been pretty half-cocked anyway. Not much traction going on. Not even stopping the boats is garnering much attention anymore. Not when we're crying out for people to come here! No one seems to realise the Tories have given us a bad name "overseas". They know what's happened here in the last two years, and they're not keen on it. Of much more import is the Kid President of France winning re-election to a second five year term, with the far right's Le Pen now a washed up spent force. Macron could always rely on the Commo's to get his arse comfortably over the line, and he knew it. Didn't even have to campaign, really. And in even more pleasing developments in the Miracle of Democracy, one of the most respected statesmen in the world, Nobel laureate José Ramos-Horta, has been elected to another shot at the presidency of East Timor after "the most peaceful election campaign I have ever seen". A fine man with a firm handshake, José returns as a national hero and shining embodiment of the War of Independence at a crucial moment in East Timor's history, two decades on. All power to his oars.

Another diplomatic blunder in the South Pacific comes as absolutely no surprise to anyone. I've been banging on for decades about how the Island people have been so shabbily treated by Australia for nigh on two centuries...for fark's sake, the freakin' broken record hasn't been changed for ages! Never mind that it shits me to tears. In the geo-politics of the thing, ScoMo has probably not made a close study of Guadalcanal as the "choke point" of the Pacific, but some terrible business went on there back in '42; very bad things happened when two great powers went head-to-head and toe-to-toe over it. The geography hasn't changed much. No need to look further than that to see why China really likes it as an ally. Nobody said anything about the cash. Still, you have to remember they burnt down Chinatown in Honiara not once, but twice - our Feds were in there only the other day to sort things out on the street...so who the hell knows what's going on in internal Solomon Islands politics? It may just be a gambit to shore up the position of the current PM, and things could quite quickly go tits up if & when they hold elections there again, so for the Chinese, it's choose your friends wisely, Mr Ping. Still, in the grand scheme of things - even with a grinding hugely disruptive War in Europe - there are no votes in Foreign Policy. Not when yr struggling to pay the next bill as the price of everything goes up.

There's no votes in sexuality either, despite the farcical brouhaha surrounding the godawful endorsed Liberal candidate for Warringah, Katherine Deves, who is the epitome of the quality of ScoMo's "Captain's Picks". Kooky views on just about everything splashed all over the internet thingy with an evangelical zeal. The fortunes or otherwise of the transexual community is not front of mind among the habitue's of the front bars and RSL clubs or those on the factory floor. I mean really, it's not as if all gender fluid people want to be football stars, do they? By and large, they just want to be left alone to get on with their lives, don't they, and that's it? Any other party would have disendorsed Deves as a disgrace - a morally bankrupt stooge - but it won't happen as it would require ScoMo admitting a mistake, and it doesn't matter anyway. The poisoned chalice is a personal gift of the PM, Katherine. Remember these are the very people who elected the Mad Monk Tony Abbott to Parliament time and time again for decades, only to be eventually embarrassed into electing a former snow ski star, Ol' Steggers, on an independent platform - which apart from some environmental mumbo jumbo - is still thoroughly conservative. Unlike some members of the Coalition with a conscience, Steggers has never once crossed the floor and voted against the Government on any issue, as far as I know. In the unlikely event of a hung Parliament, you can be as sure as hell she won't be throwing her ring in the hat and chuck her support behind Albo. And that's all that matters in the final paralysis. Labor has never won Warringah since its inception in 1922, and they've been writing it off ever since. Nothing will change this time. 

The first of the Great Debates slipped by without anyone noticing, as it was mercifully hidden behind a pay wall. Woot! Oh, how we all pine for the free wheeling good old days of "the worm".  All you heard about it was the barking of the commentariat, who gave it to DJ Albo on a split points decision. Can we have the score cards in, ladies and gentlemen, please? Unsurprisingly, no one was rushing over to YouTube to watch the thing on replay the next day for free, as the result - and the first rule of debating is that there must always be a winner and a loser -  was already known: Pinko's 1, Hard Right Evangelicals 0. Perhaps the high point was when ScoMo thanked the Good Lord Jesus that he didn't have any spastics in the family. Choice one, Scotty. A first class example of Christian empathy, right there. Perhaps he was banking on the fact that there's no votes in the NDIS either, given that the Pentacostalists blithely ignore the turning over of the money changers tables in the temple (Matthew 21:12 etc) and deeply believe that wealth, continuous financial success and good health are a God given blessing. It's a blessing, mate, got that straight? No surprises here, move along.

And then Albo goes and gets the Covid. Seems he got a bit lazy about mixing with small children, their parents and kelpie pups at The Royal Easter Show. Social distancing is a touch difficult on the hustings unless yr wearing a space suit with funny arms. A pity really, as he'll have to make the call to his attack dogs early. But it'll give the Leader of the Opposition a bit of space to put his thinking cap on and dream up how he's going to whip up the vote, and beat those bastards home.

 

hell hath no fury

Seen on the Canterbury Rd, Canterbury, Division of Grayndler, Sydney, NSW. Photo: The Miracle of Democracy.

Comrades,

A week before the real Campaign swung into dynamic action, poor ol' ScoMo was getting such a bad press. Said it before and I'll say it again: it must be bloody awful when everyone hates you, all the time. And it's the Kid President's fault. Macron kicked off the whole shebang when he was asked after that outrageous secretive back-stabbing contract-busting bullshit that was going on behind closed doors viz-a-viz the Barracuda's if he thought Australian Prime Minister was a liar. The Kid replied in his trademark well thought out English with "I don't think, I know". It was the most cutting of blows, from which Scotty from Marketing will never recover. An ouch moment on the international stage par excellence. (Don't talk elections with Emmanuel - he'll piss it in with the French right hopelessly split and sail home on the Pinko's first round vote). So really, it was no surprise at all that the soon-to-be former Senator for New South Wales, Concetta Fierravanti-Wells, did not hold back on the vitriol in her valedictory speech to the 'House of Pain', given she's held a grudge against Morrison for a good 15 years. Still, saying in effect that there's no place in The Lodge for a bullying psycho who uses his faith as marketing was a mighty fine way to pour petrol on the embers of a long-burning loathing. It must be dreadful when your own kind are queuing up to give you the blowtorch to the belly treatment after months of missteps &  miscalculations in the Phony Campaign. The Masters of the Dark Arts might say "the optics don't look good". As it stands, the CEO of the ALP's Dirt Unit, Kristina Keneally, won't have much to do at all if the Tories continue to tear themselves apart. There's no truer phrase in politics than "disunity is death", and a challenge to ScoMo's intervention in the NSW branch to impose his attack dog's candidates going all the way to nowhere in the High Court is proof enough that these particular bastardos - in the public mind - are not to be trusted. The PM's justification of "but I was standing up for some good women Liberal candidates! I stood up for them!" created chuckles among my female acquaintances with a "yeah, the right women from your faction, mate". Let's not mention My Mate Tudgey, shall we? The former rising star Christian Porter? Never heard of him. Parachuting the evangelical far right into safe seats is all well and good - but as sure as hell, there aint no votes in the "sex them at birth" brigade. Not when you don't know where yr next dollar is coming from.

DJ Albo got out of the blocks in a fairly tardy fashion; certainly no Ben Johnson or Usain Bolt when it comes to the starter's gun. He's never had that swagger. Never will. Of course he doesn't know the unemployment rate or the cash rate or any rate at all, because they're made-up figures that no-one has any faith in nowadays - if they ever did. Lies, damned lies, and statistics. I don't know what they are, do you? Why not start with the price of eggs? That's the issue. What exactly are the Pinko's to do about the curse of Stagflation? That's the fundamental question that needs answering, not silly numbers produced by creative accounting otherwise known as book cooking. And it was lazy journalism to boot, as any genuine hack worth their salt would've sprung the 'gotcha moment' in the last week of the Campaign, not the first. Just plain dumb. During a Campaign, the mug punter has the attention span of a gnat. Never mind the opinion polls with margins of error all over the shop and 25% of the electorate having no idea who they'll vote for - survey's of voter's intentions are about as meaningful as they were last time out: meaningless. And it's all about Queensland, metropolitan Perth, and outer western Sydney anyway. The rest hardly matters.

You couldn't help but notice there's been no holding back on offerings of porcine products, otherwise known as blatant vote buying, despite the marvellous sports rorts affair, not to mention the even better commuter car parks scheme etc etc from last time around. It took no time at all to see that master of retail politics, Barnaby "BoJo" Joyce, on the Campaign Trail flitting about here and there trying hard to shore up shaky support in the last redoubts of the Country Party. Putting on his Regional Development Minister's ten gallon hat and immediately tipping a mere $1.5B into a second port in Darwin to export ill-gotten Timor Sea gas (on account of the built port  has been leased to the Chinese for a million years), not as a campaign promise mind you, oh no siree, but as L-A-W law shit that cannot be meddled with in the future "we are not mucking around or having the Territory on here" were about his exact words - was an absolute corker. Funny that it turned out to be common or garden bullshit. But it matters little. It's the thought that counts. A billion here, a billion there - it all adds up at the ballot box. Line a pocket or two to make yet more money for everyone all along the way, and Bob's yr uncle. Little wonder the Inbred Tomato and other higher ups in the Conservative/Country Party Conglomeration would be quaking in their boots at the very thought of a Commonwealth Independent Commission Against Corruption with investigative Royal Commission powers. They must be shitting bricks if the Ruby Princess fell on her own sword as the Premier of NSW when all it took was the mere look of "guilt by association" in matters of pork down at the NSW ICAC. It'd keep me awake at night too if there was any hanky panky or jive talkin' going on. And Albo reckons he wants one by Christmas. Wooah! Hang on! That's a bit early! Better get yr own house in order first, son. Reds under the beds! These people can tap yr phone! But he knows there's votes in corruption. The punters don't like it. Don't like it at all. What you got to hide, matey?

The latest resident loony toon in town the Hon. Craig Kelly's already been "egged" by a woman who then wanted to go on with it and was about to put up the dukes before being shuffled off by members of the General Public and the Campaign hadn't even begun! Fun and games everywhere you look. ScoMo's already had some pissed old pensioner in his face screaming "I'm sick of your fucking bullshit!". That's top form right out of the box, and there's another five weeks to do on the hustings! Plenty of time for Crafty Clive to become a tremendously slow-moving target for a well-aimed custard tart and a tipped off media. Now, this is not to advocate any form of violence whatsoever, but maybe the bloke who nutted Tony Abbott in Hobart could make a comeback? After all, when asked by the police why he had taken the opportunity to head-butt the by-then former half-term Prime Minister he told the cops that he always thought the wackjob was "an evil cunt" who deserved to have his bonce stoved in. Did two months in Risdon for that. For someone who was essentially homeless, time well spent, he reckons.