an old beta-male baboon

 

Comrades,

Am I alone in being astonished - flabbergasted - by the extraordinary enthusiasm with which Sydney has embraced the COVID19 vaccines?

Never in my wildest dreams did I think NSW - and when you are talking NSW you really mean Sydney - would get anywhere near a 93%+ at least one shot Corona vaccine coverage in the 16+ population, and 85%+ on two shots. Sydney at almost five and a half million good burghers is enormous, add in Newcastle, the Central Coast and The 'Gong and that's another million, everyone else lives on the North Coast, while almost no-one in their right mind toughs it out west of The Divide. As PJ Keating once said "If you don't live in Sydney, you're camping out". The State Govt. run Winnebago's used to isolate the infected arrived in the Back of Bourke before the vaccines did, so little wonder jab-rates really lag out there in the bush. Not that it statistically matters much at all. Sydney people said "we're sick of this", the Govt. said "get vaccinated", and they did, in their millions, with no further incentives required.

After the strollout known as Scomo's "it's not a race" clusterfuck was resolved, and the vaccine floodgates opened, who knew that a heaving steaming metropolis would go to the clinic en masse, not once, but twice? Even though I was dead set wrong saying we'd be lucky to get to 70%, let alone 80%, in my defence, I've said all along that this "vaccine hesitancy" thing is a myth, just as it turned out to be. There will be such blanket vaccine coverage once the children are injected (and Pfizer & Moderna both reckon they're all systems go for the 5-11 year olds) you won't need no "vaccine passport" for much at all really, (unless you are desperate to travel at any cost, want to book a show, have dinner someplace fancy, get pissed in a licensed premises or go to the cricket - even then, vaccine requirements will fade over time). The Good Lady Wife attended The Salon just yesterday and was never asked for her vaccination status. QR codes are already old hat around here, when they used to be de rigueur for getting food & drink during the four months of lockdown. Just the other day, I found myself standing in front of the World of Fruit looking at the slim pickin's in the street-front produce display and counted nine customers roll right on in in a couple of minutes, without a blink of an eye from anyone, by the time I'd found the Gladys App on my phone to ping the QR code with. Why bother is the call - if the contact tracers are never going to get back you anyway? Folks will not be willingly surveilled for nothing, so that's it for QR codes, just like the multi-million dollar CovidSafe App - which did precisely SFA while some faceless geeks got rich off it. So, Sydney is giving itself a hearty pat on the back and a pull of the pud, yet again, big time. "God!" people will whinge at dinner parties "have you any idea what it was like living during lockdown in an 'LGA of Concern'? Absolutely appalling!", they'll cry. They'll also say "Lord help WA and QLD, those hicks are really dragging the chain on this one and bringing the whole joint down with them", with vax rates a full 20% behind Sydney/NSW. Never mind the fractured Federation, sitting ducks, they are.They won't know what's hit them, and hit them it will.

Everybody has their vax story from early on when they were in short supply and people were downright loose with the truth just to get a jab, any jab, but it'd be hard to top my 2nd dose, which was administered in an old fashioned barber's chair on 17 August. Gold class treatment. My beloved GP had been giving me consistently inconsistent advice on this one all along (and who could blame him?), but recommended that I should get on with it after my first, and get fully dosed up as the disease "is out and about at the moment". The only vaccines he does are the 'flu and the kiddies, so I looked up HotDoc, and saw a local medical centre were giving away Astra-Zeneca within 48 hours at a pop-up in the Old Sunbeam Factory just around the corner which was demolished for 700 flats years ago. Had no idea where, but then realised it was a shopping centre space that some shifty characters had leased and fitted out as a barbers' shop as a front for a drug running operation. When the Delta mutant hit, the dodgy tenants abandoned the 'barber's shop' but left the fittings behind. There was a single leather padded chair with a foot pedal to manoeuvre the patient up or down by the health pro in the full PPE, who was literally diving at you with the needle before you'd even rolled yr sleeve up, and then shooed you along for the next one. No time to get relaxed & comfortable. Someone else does the paperwork that tells Canberra that yr done, it's over in a few minutes, and yr another statistic...and still I have the hair of an old beta-male baboon.

With a deeply deeply conservative free market capitalist running dog with a laissez-faire approach to killer diseases now in charge of the Great State of NSW, Premier "Let 'er rip!" Perrottet kicked off in a grand fashion by welcoming the resumption of international travel to and from Sydney before Chrissy, which got ScoMo all a flustered. You'll recall that Scotty from Marketing referenced the Kid Premier as "a fuckwit" when he called for the re-reinstatement of Jobkeeper a while back, so the unintelligible tongue-speaking PM was quick to put the upstart back in his place..."hang on there sonny Jim, immigration is not yr Department, hold yr horses". Yeah, yeah, it'll be a long time until the likes of you or me can afford to easily visit any corner of the globe on a whim like back in the day (i.e. two years ago). So, Tetter's, in his infinite wisdom, has offered every citizen of NSW a free $50 accommodation voucher to spend anywhere they like in the Great State and the taxpayer will pick up the chit. Woot! He's unaware that a pineapple won't buy you a night in a 1950's-style drive-in motel room with a urine stained mattress and rodent droppings in a joint like, say, Gilgandra. Obviously, he doesn't get out much. As it is, residents of Sydney are still prohibited from leaving town for 'the regions' until November 1, with December 1 looming as the "all bets are off" date. Which is something of novelty, given the annual traditional Silly Season officially starts next Tuesday and runs right through to Australia Day. There is only one thing certain when everything remains a day-to-day proposition -  this year's Silly Season will be the silliest seen in many a long year.

In the meantime...as the bodies pile high...in San Telmo, Buenos Aires... 

 

Translation: In Memoriam of the victims of Yellow Fever in the year 1871 and to the heroic residents of San Telmo who fought the Dantesque conditions of the epidemic.

"Will similar memorials be erected for the victims of COVID-19?"... so went the caption when I saw this photo.

In this instance, the death toll for the barrio was about ten thousand, so fair enough, but commemorations involving mass graves pose interesting questions, to which the answer is always probably...ah...well...no. Took a century to get this one up.

 

 

Freedom Day!

Comrades,

After 107 days, yesterday was hailed as "Freedom Day!" in NSW by the new unelected Tory State Govt. Head Honcho. The Ruby Princess purposely shied away from such a phrase on public health advice, but the new Kid Premier is having none of that, oh no siree, it's ScoMo's famous "snap back" all over again and business as usual, "you deserve back-to-normal" with the State Govt. Dept. of Propaganda releasing a fine public image of the upturned arse of our freshly minted Great & Glorious Leader doing things...

 

Freedom to go to the pub is great news for those with no job, living on the poverty line, the sick, the crippled or the hundreds of thousands of good denizens of NSW who simply couldn't afford a beer even if they wanted one. Such fabulous news. Freedom used to be described as not something you are free to do, but something you are free from - such as hunger & tyranny, but that appears to be a very archaic idea now in conservative circles, concerned only, as they are, with the "boom times" that are assuredly coming. And despite, or perhaps because of, Rooting Dom making a fool of himself first up, and adopting the Bonking Boris policy of "let 'er rip and watch the bodies pile high!", still we have very little to no idea in which direction we travel in times of plague.

Mark Bryan, Who's driving this thing?, acrylic on board, 2021.

 

 

dirty little secrets

 

Comrades,

For what it's worth, that's what you get for hiding dirty little secrets.

For those of us who spent years of our professional lives as hacks masquerading as journalists covering the myriad proceedings of the Independent Commission Against Corruption, The Royal Commission into Police Corruption, Coroner's Inquests and any number of other judicial probes - like I did - there was always one over-arching mantra that used to come up whenever a juicy witness faced the prospect of being compelled to climb into the witness box..."If you are ever called to give evidence at a Royal Commission, be afraid, be very afraid". Gladys Berejiklian's first appearance at the ICAC last year really surprised me - not that she was there, but that she survived politically. Let's face it - any male politician who was found at an inquiry to have an obviously as corrupt-as-fuck secret lover would have been a dead man walking; straight out the back door, booted off the patio and flat on his arse. But the Ruby Princess's excuse of "I stuffed up" appeared to be all she needed to say to stay on as the Big Kahuna. Until now.

I can tell you from long experience that the ICAC does not go on fishing expeditions, because they don't have to - they have all the investigative and coercive powers of a Royal Commission, and they use them. And they do not go you until they are absolutely certain that they've got something on you. Going by history, when politicians of all stripes became the target of an ICAC investigation, they would just step aside from any senior roles/bloated stipends they may have had until the final findings were handed down, and Bob's your uncle. So, for Gladys to quit the top job, and hightail it straight out of Parliament altogether must mean that she knows they've got a "gotcha moment". She is not exactly crowing that she is innocent, after insisting for the last 12 months that "my personal conduct is not a focus of the ICAC". Er, sorry mate, but it is - and you've been fooling yourself if you didn't think so. For God's sake, everybody already knows that ICAC had been bugging your personal phone (and probably your house), so why would you assume that that stopped just because "I stuffed up"? It didn't. And why would she keep her secret lover secret in the first place if she was confident her own conduct had been all above board. That always had a pretty wiffy aroma about it from the off, and ICAC wasn't fooled. If it became common knowledge before the corruption allegations against Mr Maguire emerged, people would have thought "oh, the Premier's got a brand new boyfriend, good for her, move along". And oh, if the tabloid press are right, her current lover is no less than her personal lawyer, Arthur Moses SC, who represented her at ICAC last year, for crying out loud. You'd better drop her like a hot potato, Arfur.

People who hate rigourous watchdogs keep trotting out those really tired old lines that the ICAC is a "Star Chamber", a "Kangaroo Court" and the Inbred Tomato came up with a real doozy, likening it to the "Spanish Inquisition" - well I'm sorry folks, but that's exactly what it is - it's all those things and it's meant to be. The hallowed Rules of Evidence in a court of law do not apply at ICAC public hearings, the burden of proof is always "the balance of probabilities" and QC's acting as Counsel Assisting are there for the express purpose of tying you up in sado-masochistic knots in the witness box. And it's not as if any of this is at all new or novel - the ICAC has a long and proud history of destroying corrupt politicians' careers. And it don't matter what side of the aisle you sit on. The word "independent" means plenty here. Former Labor Party powerbrokers Eddie Obeid and Ian McDonald both know this of course, much to their chagrin, having done serious time down at Long Bay after some polite inquiries by the ICAC - and Eddie's just about to do some more behind bars. Jesus, Mary & Joseph, folks are still looking for that Grange that former Liberal Premier Fatty O'Farrell (still on the gravy train as the Australian High Commissioner to India) swears black & blue that he can't recall ever drinking. Might have seen the bottle in question at some stage in proceedings, y'know, yr Honour, the Penfolds reputation and all that, but never saw it open and if a drop of it ever passed Fatty's lips then it must have been a very forgettable vintage or a corked bottle. It doesn't matter a jot to the ICAC whether the corruption involves many millions of dollars or is miserably petty, it's still dirty work. Back in the day, Labor MP and former rugby league player Paul Gibson was the gift that kept on giving for us reporters, accused by a well known Kings Cross crim, Louis Bayeh, of taking all sorts of bribes and kickbacks and gladly accepting a free all-expenses-payed über-luxe Fiji holiday with his secret lover (a fact also unknown at the time) - a former sports minister. Turns out Bayeh, who's done long yards in the jailhouse, was bullshitting, but Gibbo did go to the South Pacific unbeknownst to his wife or children, and according to the ICAC Commissioner at the time "I find myself utterly unable to have any confidence whatsoever in the truth or reliability of anything said by Gibson when it conflicts with the evidence of any other witness, other than Bayeh."

ICAC has no fear nor favour of or for anyone, they work on the "how long is a piece of string" principle, and will pursue corrupt servants of the State for as long as it takes. And what a shocker of the Ruby Princess to say that the announcement of an ICAC public hearing into her conduct "could not have come at a worse time". Your are dead wrong there Gladys, it could not have come at a better time...it just goes to show that no matter what shitshow might be going on around them, the ICAC is still there toiling away at their vitally important and essential work. Plainly, corruption is the number one killer of The Miracle of Democracy. So, it doesn't take a Rhodes Scholar to work out why ScoMo and his ragbag mob of reprobates and recalcitrants are scared shitless by the prospect of an anti-corruption body with teeth coming to Canberra. Or why the Tory Govt. in South Australia has just stripped the ICAC there of its powers to investigate politicians. I won't even mention the name of the outgoing self-exiled leader of the NSW Country Party, Pork Barrellaro, as he's very litigious.

The rise of a 39-year-old hard-right God Botherer to the Premiership of NSW is for another time, but suffice to say it's a self-fulfilling prophecy for those 'moderates' within the Liberal Party who have been warning for years now that the party is in real and present danger of being taken over by evangelical extremists.

Be afraid, very afraid.

the cars in Iowa

 

 

Comrades,

Once you let the nuclear genie out of the bottle, that's it. There is no putting it back in. It's on the loose, and if yr not very very careful, it has a tendency to get right away from you. Like every anti-nuclear activist from way back, I was simply horrified by the nuclear submarine deal that gives the unsuspecting world AUKUS, and fundamentally changes geo-politics. The French, of course, were blindsided and mightily indignant about being ratfucked by the Australians, and who could blame them? So many acres of old growth forest have been felled for commentary on the atomic submarine switcheroo, I won't subject you to more. Suffice to say, Le Kid President Macron is up for re-election in six months time, and will probably win with the weight of incumbency, so of course he's quite right the French have been outrageously insulted, and Gallic Pride is something that is not to be messed with, oh no siree. They have very long memories, too, and Emmanuel will take great pleasure in cocking his not inconsiderable snoot at ScoMo for evermore. You can also read all about how former Defence Minister David Johnston said back in 2014 "I wouldn't trust the Australian Submarine Corp to build a canoe", and draw yr own conclusions. You can thumb your way through endless reports on the Collins class sub being a slow, noisy dog of a boat if you want, back to the years when we had less than one of the six Collins' in seaworthy order at any one time, let alone finding a crew. And, among the general public, nobody gave a shit then, just as they don't now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fprYfInkErg

DJ Albo was as flummoxed by this one as anyone and had to look up the Labor Party platform to get a handle on it (which is, most unfortunately, just go with the flow). PJ Keating - who well remembers the days of the Three Mines Policy - was spot on - we give up our sovereignty for a very expensive, dubious defence asset that we then have the privilege of paying for, and what with variations and what not the final chit will be well north of $100B. Kevin07 just called it unnecessary "chest-thumping". The Greens "floating Chernobyl's" analogy didn't fly (do yr research: every nuclear reactor built since 1986 has been designed to make another Chernobyl impossible - it was a once off that can never be repeated that way again), but that said, you wouldn't be too certain that the average punter in Sydney would be all that thrilled to find nuclear reactors floating around on the Harbour in some grim dystopian future. Surely Lucas Heights is enough to supply nuclear medicine? Of course these ships that our Great & Glorious Leader has signed up for are not nuclear armed, but come on, are we are buying silent long-range  weapons platforms to just launch conventional shooters? If so, just what are they good for then? The Poms run nuclear subs for the sole purpose of delivering The Bomb. There is no other way they can drop The Big One - and their submersibles can carry up to 36 nuclear tipped warheads. Now, that's what you call clout.

None of the above really bothers me, except for the nuclear bit. Back in the day, we would've taken to the streets en masse in 'waddawe want? No nukes! Whenawe wanit? Now!" protest marches, but the anti-nuclear movement in Australia - such as it survives - has barely raised a whisper or whimper of discontent. Never mind that there is no enthusiasm for the Ban the Bomb folks anymore despite the Maralinga debacle and howling shitfight that went on what seems like eons ago now, the Yoof of Today (i.e. anyone under 60) never experienced their parents having a genuine fear of The Bomb. One split atom is one too many for mine, but no-one gives a shit about that anymore, and that's what shits me to tears about the whole damned brouhaha. The righteous outrage seems to have gone away, replaced by fascists, neo nazi's and stark raving lunatics masquerading as builder's labourers. Learning from the past so you can clearly see the thin edge of the wedge seems to have gone right out of fashion.

But you can just imagine the cars in Iowa bouncing along nicely and being furiously tumbled end-over-end on the crest of the shock wave and ending up with a dent in every panel - what a ride! Ma, Pa and the kiddo are doing the right thing with their backs to the blast, but they all have that "we're seriously fucked here" look on their faces. As you would:

 

 

the COVID CANYON

 

Comrades,

Phew, at last...as of today 12 Sept 2021, you can drive, cycle or walk clean through NSW from south to north from the Murray to the Tweed and return via the thoughtfully created COVID CANYON, proudly brought to the all-singing all-dancing Berejiklian Govt.

 

it checks out

 

Hallie Bateman, "C'mon Gladys".

 

Comrades,

Everyday it becomes even more political/public health be buggered.

I do not get this:

"Parts of the Mid North Coast, North Coast, north-west, Albury, Riverina and Murrumbidgee will emerge from lockdown on Saturday. However, Queensland border restrictions will remain in place and Premier Gladys Berejiklian cautioned the state is 'definitely not out of the woods', with 39 regional areas remaining in lockdown for now, along with Greater Sydney."

On the one hand, The Ruby Princess is trumpeting all these fancy new "freedoms" we will be granted once 70% of the state's population is fully vaccinated - and yet the regions above "emerge" from lockdown at the weekend, when they have not reached anything like anywhere near 70%...not even 1st jabs.

Hello? Is it any co-incidence then that the Country Party holds the seats of Tamworth, Monaro, Myall Lakes, Cootamundra, Clarence, Upper Hunter, Northern Tablelands, Oxley, Tweed, Dubbo, Coffs Harbour, Bathurst...all of which - with the exception of Dubbo and Upper Hunter - will be out of lockdown on Saturday. Let's have a look at just a few of the fully vaccinated rates in the bush then, shall we? Tweed 36%, Coffs 33%, Clarence 32%, Tamworth 34% and on it goes - all of them well short of 70% first jabs. It's virtually the same everywhere in the countryside.

Whatever happened to one-in all-in? Are we all in this together? Nah, of course not. One rule for the Squattocracy, another rule for those filthy bastard Labor voters - godless people who live in squalor - all of them.

Can the NSW Tory Govt. spell E-Q-U-I-T-Y?

That's all, folks.

Hallie Bateman, "It Checks Out".

 

no turkey for you kiddo

 Comrades,

Here's a joyous thought - there will be no children at Xmas this year. Why? Because they will all be unvaccinated.

"Freedom!" (whatever that might mean in the Brave New World) is limited to the vaccinated only, right? 'Vaccine passports' and all that. That can only mean "you haven't got the papers, so no turkey for you kiddo, stay right there in the laundry", or is that wrong? With all the mixed messaging you'd be hard pressed to have even the faintest idea. 'Generation Alpha', the 0-14 year olds, number very close to five million in Australia. Imagine the nightmare scenario of a city the size of Sydney jammed full of kids, and you start to get the picture. And they're all a big fat doughnut zero % inoculated.

Never mind the entirely forgotten 40-59 year olds who desperately want, and are advised by their doctors, to get a Pfizer vaccine but are unable to obtain one for love nor money. The lengths they go to are legion, many even taking the Govt's lead and resorting to downright deception - but let's put them to one side for the moment because as far as the Govt. is concerned, they don't matter, even if the last time anyone looked they've still got the vote. Let's cut to the chase - going by the disgraceful debacle that's happening in Dubbo and Wilcannia, if you're black, then you better stand way back. If you're white, then join the queue here, please. If you're poor, ethnic, old, mad, unemployed, crippled, halt or lame then you're on your own. So if these mythical 70% and 80% targets are to be achieved across the board, including all the most vulnerable and marginalised segments of society - you'll be waiting way way beyond Christmas just for a start off.

And if you think the anti-vaxxers aren't a problem for you because you are a fine upstanding member of the community, think again. Studies suggest that somewhere between 6% and 8% of the adult population will never get a vaccine of any kind, ever. Add in those who just couldn't be arsed, and you've got a good ten per cent, right there. And some folks have a pathological fear of needles. It's a given you will never get beyond 90% full vaccination rates, 80% is a huge ask, and even 70% will be very difficult to achieve. Just as more people are jabbed and supply ramps up in Dec/Jan, demand will inevitably plateau - as it has in the rest of the developed world - and like Singapore, we'll end up giving away our "use-by-date due to expire next week" Pfizer vaccines to some poor suffering souls worse off than us.
In the UK, where supply now vastly outstrips demand, the 'at least one-shot vaccination rate' has all but stalled, taking almost two months to get from 69% to 72%.
They are really struggling to even get the 70-80 numbers among staff in nursing homes for Chrissake, when 100% is mandated by September 17 deadline. WA and QLD - predictably - are dragging the chain, with both achieving just 50% one-shot coverage only yesterday (51.0% and 51.1% respectively, SA no better at 53.2%); they're taking ScoMo's words very much to heart: "This is not a race". So amid all the sacrosanct "modelling", why isn't anyone asking the question - forget the Federated States Border Wars - what happens if 70% can't be reached, let alone 80%? Is that just forget it, we've arrived in Doomsville? Let 'er rip? Or what, precisely?

If those numbers are to include every last man, woman and child, regardless of race, creed, class or custom in every last corner of the vast Wide Brown Land - as they bloody well should, never mind must - before we get to ScoMo's famous "snap back", we will be waiting a very, very long time indeed: read forever. Since the Delta mutant arrived, the term "herd immunity" seems to have mysteriously vanished from the lexicon. And if you are thinking things will rosily "get back to normal" or even a "new normal" if and when the arbitrary round number targets are met, you're dreaming. Scotty from Marketing is waving an appeasement roadmap around 'I have a piece of paper', so he's obviously oblivious to the fact that street directories went out of fashion years ago. And double dip recession be buggered, ever heard of The Great Depression? The free money tree in the economic forest will fall eventually. The fear is no one will be there to hear it.

Whatever happens, Our Great and Glorious Leader's famous words "we will be living life different at Christmas than we are now" will, without a shadow of a doubt, come back to haunt the Bogan-in-Chief. Now there, that's a nice lovely downer for the 10th week of a two week lockdown, eh? Brighten up. Be happy. It could be worse. A lot worse.

 Homeless person sleeps outside a closed Coronavirus testing station, 26 August 2021, Vienna, Austria.

the fourth wave

 

Comrades,

If you think we've got it bad here in Hotbed City, which the Ruby Princess has seamlessly managed to strictly divide along wealth and class lines...try The States. According to Associated Press, in the current Covid19 "fourth wave", 1100 people are dying every day, and 'influential modelling from the University if Washington' suggests a further 98,000 Americans will die of the Delta mutant between now and the start of December, bringing the total US death toll to a staggering 730,000. In Florida, which has a population similar to Australia's at 22M, folks are shuffling off at the rate of close to 200 a day. Full vaccination rates go from 67% in Vermont to 36% in Alabama, and they've had full unfettered access to plentiful supplies of Pfizer since 11 December 2020. ScoMo's magical mystery target of 80% fully vaxxed is but a hollow pipe dream.

So, now it's time to follow the lead of New York City, and get some first class guerilla advertising going across this beshitten ol' town:

 

history repeats

 

Boys fly a kite above Kabul, Afghanistan, July 2016. Photo: Wakil Kohsar/AFP

Comrades,

Another very hard-learned lesson in the futility of trying to impose the Miracle of Democracy on those who don't want it and for whom it does not work, and God knows - whichever one you choose - I'm no expert.

Any foreign power who has ever tried to invade Afghanistan has failed, with the exception of Genghis Khan who made a good fist of it way back in 1221, but that required slaughtering pretty much the entire population. The "Infernal Triangle" will remain just that for Western powers. Never mind the Taliban having to get on with it before the end of "the fighting season" - the country is ripe for a long-running simmering civil war, especially with the northern warlords now very unhappy they've lost territory. They will re-arm, and Afghanistan will return to its natural state of self-governing warring fiefdoms. Central authority has never worked, and never will. The Russians could have told you that.

The utterly pointless loss of life and the mega-billions in American (and Australian) treasure lost over the past 20 years becomes yet another page in the lil' history books, but the British really did set the benchmark in 1842. Nobody ever learned from it, ever...history repeats.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1842_retreat_from_Kabul

shared blame

 

Comrades,

You have to hand it to our Great and Glorious Leader for this oh-so reluctant offering: "I'm certainly sorry that we haven't been able to achieve the marks that we had hoped for at the beginning of this year. Of course I am." Apart from it being gobbledygook, it's also 'shared blame'. Really sorry that we have been unable to get the marks, of course we were hoping for better, so that means everyone's to blame, right? including you, yes you, and I'm sorry about that.

Well, I'm really sorry too old mate Scotty, but you don't get it, do you? It's your clusterfuck, and not only do you have to take care of it, and mop the fucker up because it is your fault, but you also have to own up to it. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. You can't go around blaming the public servants, when the poor bastards down at ATAGI are only doing their jobs as per the well established protocols and not making up policy on the run, which is the job of Govt. And at the moment, the Govt has but one job. The clearly demonstrated Miracle of Modern Medicine has come up with vaccines aplenty in a staggeringly short period of 12 months, so where's the difficulty here, ScoMo? In a world awash with vaccine for those who can afford it, how come you backed the wrong horse? Appalling mixed messaging killed the poor ol' Astra-Zeneca stone dead in the water despite it being a very good vaccine indeed, and just how much cold hard cash did QldUni burn through coming up with what an apparently brilliant vaccine with one fatal flaw - it tends to return positive AIDS tests? You could measure the money lost on that little one alone in the multi-millions - there were 51 million doses of that failure on order. But if it was just a petty argument with Pfizer over money, for fuck's sake, we are an affluent nation and can afford it. This "vaccine hesitancy" nonsense is an enormous barrow load of horseshit; Australia is one of the most vaccinated countries on the entire planet. God Help Me.

At least Captain Corona, Lt. Gen. J.J.Frewen, was speaking truth to power and had no trouble not beating around the bush chasing his own tail by saying in reply to the plaintive cry from the Ruby Princess for truckloads of more vaccine to be rushed to that hell hole - south west Sydney: "The Commonwealth does not have extra doses of the Pfizer vaccine to distribute". Yet, the next day, the Minister for The Sick managed to pull thousands of extras out of his arse, oh that's right, he was merely re-distributing them. Frewen is by all reports the dude getting the gear into chemist shops, where they should have started organising the cold logistics a long, long time ago, with big signs out the front screaming Get Your Free Covid19 Vaccine Here! No Waiting No Delay! 99% protection against death! Works in 14 days! Absolutely Free!

While State Premiers front the media microphones almost every day, ScoMo takes the "I refuse" position on leadership - glibly deflecting everything...you know, it's OK, nothing to see here, we'll vaccinate our way out of trouble, sure thing, don't you worry about that blah blah...And then there's the PM's grammatically incorrect bogan corker "we will be living life different at Christmas than we are now." How so, ScoMo? How different? How much worse? Vaccinate, schmackcinate; with 39.5% of the Strayan adult population now having had one dose, we remain on par with that utter shithole - and so sorry to pick on them again - Mississippi.

 

Operation Ethnic Cleanse

 

Comrades,

You gotta hand it to the Ruby Princess ordering her Police Commissioner to deploy a few hundred extra cops to Sydney's South West to combat the roaming hoards of flagrant law breakers who are dropping in on family and friends - which is a time honoured tradition in the area - willy nilly and scattering the Indian mutant of the Corona here, there, and everywhere as they go. I'm not the first to say this smacks very loudly of racial profiling. The worst case of 'unconscious racism' that the NSW Tories have come up with in quite a while. Unconscious, unthinking, casual, unintentional - Gladys? Hello? - you, of all people, should know it's still racism. What are you thinking when you say to them that "it's just not allowed" and then you chastise them for not listening? What if they can't even understand you in the first place, you bonehead? Little wonder this has raised a tremendous hue and cry beyond the Outer Edge of the Inner West just for the plain and simple fact that English is very much the second language - if at all - of most of the folk there, and English is by no means the preferred spoken language in the majority of households in the south west. This is not a crime. You do not need English to be a fine upstanding member of the community in the Miracle of Democracy. You are not required by law to look like pure white Aryan bread to be Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi.

Has anyone ever spared a thought for the poor suffering translators (if any are being employed)? The General Public has very little grasp of the ever shifting sands of conflicted mixed messaging coming their way in their native tongue - English - from all kinds of people who think they know everything. What hope for the professional linguists who are struggling to make any sense of it at all and then trying to communicate the arrant nonsense into another language (never mind the cultural differences)? The Ethnics of South Western Sydney would like to know what the fuck is going on just as much as the next person, for crying out loud. But no, go for the easy kneww jerk reaction and send in the cops. That'll fix everything. Stove a few multicultural heads in, but no racial profiling allowed, OK. So, what happens? After one day of Operation Ethnic Cleanse, hundreds of cops - including some on horseback - have fanned out across the south west looking for Covid offenders without making a single arrest. Not one. This was after there was never any talk of turning out extra squads of heavily armed officers to deal with the Limmo Driver "outbreak" (remember when they used to be called a "cluster") in the pure white-as-the-driven-snow native English speaking Eastern Suburbs was there? Nah. Of course not. It's different over there when you have to do yr cocaine with intimate partners only after being caught getting yr hair done down at the salon. It stinks, Ruby, but you couldn't care less because they are all filthy Labor voters in the south west and there's nothing in it for you, is there?

And just when you think you've heard it all, you get this classic opening line in a story in the Melbourne paper telling us that ScoMo has scrapped the beer ban with the stroke of a pen: "Prime Minister Scott Morrison will scrap a ban on businesses offering alcohol as a reward for getting the COVID-19 jab after a Port Melbourne pub was ordered to stop giving free beers to vaccinated customers." Really? Who can even pretend to know what kind of mixed messaging that is. Now, if it was yr local Bong Shop is offering a toke or two of the latest juicy shit to those vaxxed-up hipsters who'd had the jab it'd be an entirely different story, wouldn't it?

Never mind free beers for jabs or the fact that some of the best ideas coming up over a few beers, if the new Covid Commando Lt. Gen. J.J.Frewen has any idea, this is the sort of thing that should be happening right now on a 24/7/365 basis down at the currently non-existent South Western Sydney Vaccination Hub:

https://64.media.tumblr.com/dc7eef0f893f73638b7461bf0e6bd0c8/86143dc8cc46c34a-53/s400x600/3eade22f06b36275306d87b5fef17c3df1e1a7f9.gifv

But that won't happen. Whenever a military man (and it's always a man) is dragged kicking and screaming into civilian affairs I'm reminded of the Harry Truman reply when he was asked how he thought Gen. Dwight D.Eisenhower would go succeeding him in the US Presidency:

"He’ll sit here, and he’ll say, ‘Do this! Do that!’ And nothing will happen. Poor Ike—it won’t be a bit like the Army. He’ll find it very frustrating.”

Good luck son. The race was lost well before you started. Oh, that's right, ScoMo did say of the vaccine strollout "it's not a race". That was back in March: “It’s not a race. It’s not a competition for the sake of people’s health – you get it right. And that’s exactly what we’re doing and, where we are, our October deadline is the one we’re absolutely working to – there’s no change to that.”

far lower than some utter shithole

 

Comrades,

Of course a two week lock-down means nothing to an old bastard with a busted leg who can't even get down the back steps, but really?

If ScoMo had not been so fucking vocally intransigent ("nah, don't need 'em"), NSW VIC and QLD would be well on their way to building/completing thousand bed quarantine stations. Christ! It's not as if there's not a gargantuan amount of lazy cash sloshing around in the economy. The problem of importing the virus? Solved.

And why isn't every second TV advertisement telling us to rush down to our local chemist shop to "get the jab"? Just as you can with 'flu shots. Why? Because it's unavailable - at least in the Emerald City it is - a minimum nine week wait for any kind of vaccine that may or may not be applicable to you. Nine weeks!!?? That is simply outrageous. And buried in recent Govt. pronouncements is the fact that the Astra-Zeneca vaccine will be phased out entirely by October, leaving Australia out of pocket for 50 million doses we don't want because of the risk of a side-effect that is so infinitesimally small that it's less than statistically insignificant. And never mind us old folks - we can die in a ditch - the top priority target group now should be anyone aged between 20 and 40 as they are the most highly mobile segment of the population by the length of the street. But no, they are ineligible to get any kind of shot at all. Just what kind of completely insane fuckery is this? And guess who's responsible?

As it stands, 4% of the Australian population is fully vaccinated (entire world average? 10%+), and in the half-useful "at least one jab" category it's 24% -- but even that's far lower than some utter shithole, like say, Mississippi. Speaking of which, in the States, Uncle Joe has got his people going door-to-door in poor districts armed with syringes, getting folks to roll up the sleeve giving them the jab and a Govt. certificate saying "we'll be back later with the second shot". And this, in a country of 333 million? We have been failed. Miserably.

Nobody here is publishing data likes this, are they? Shame on you Scott Morrison. Shame on you Ruby Princess:

 

the triumphant return of the fully roasted tomato

Comrades.

Is it really three years since Barnaby Joyce's wife of 25 years threw all his suits onto the front lawn of the family property in Tamworth and drove over them not once, but several times, with a ride-on mower/slasher? That's class. If memory serves, he does have an allegedly alcoholic daughter who will take any inappropriate moment to bad mouth the cad and bounder, and bag the shit out of the no-good low-down brown dog of a philandering father. They are good conservative people up there New England way, you know.

You can read all the salacious deets about him rooting the office secretary in the gossip mags, if you must, and having more babies with her is right there in the New Idea history books, if you care to dust them off. But despite (or perhaps because of) that look and that unique bulbous face of his and the way it connects to his neck, there is no getting away from the fact that Barnaby Thomas Gerard Joyce skulks around in the velvet curtains and does unspeakable things in the shadows and cannot ever be trusted on/with anything, whatsoever. Never. Full Stop. He'd be up to his own arse in horse shit and swear black and blue that everything was above board. J.Depp - despite his faults - pretty much read the room and got him one on that bloated conker with the "inbred with a tomato" wisecrack. And, oh, how we all laughed. Except it's not funny. Joyce is a rat, he knows it, and he enjoys many similarities with the despised rodent without so much as even a hint of shame.

Poor ol' McCormack was never more than a hard-right Country Party apparatchik, happy enough to live in ScoMo's shadow, but he ended up speaking gibberish in the Parliament which had Hansard puzzled when the galley proofs got back to the office. Fair enough, it was a bit much to ask of Mangler Mike to keep the seat warm for Scotty from the Tourism Board while the main man was enjoying a touch of northern hemisphere spring weather, not to mention a jolly good dinner and piss-up at No.10 where our Great & Glorious Leader and the Lord High Chief Bozo came up with the truly bizarre Penguins for Tim Tams project. Sending coals to Newcastle has got nothing on the free trade deal to end all free trade deals. Marmite anyone? Anyone? Three years of loyal service to a lost cause is cast aside just like that  - in a game McCormack described as "brutal arithmetic". No loss of face for him. Just give the baton back to the bumbling buffoon, and move on.

If that's what the political outhouse that's been forever propping up the Tories does for leaders, then God help them all. It took the late great Tim Fischer to tell them that the days of the squattocracy were over, he was the last of the last, but the Country Party has never really been the same since Doug "Hayseed" Anthony, who could get very bolshie about rural landholder's rights despite being further to the right than Genghis Khan. He was all for agrarian socialism - but only if it went as far as farm bail outs and Govt. drought assistance for marginal lands. The Tomato's peculiar approach to everything, including women, is best seen on the Campaign Trail, where you'd expect him to get a good work out in the coming 12 months or so. He's a big believer in retail politics, and couldn't care less that the first image of him kissing a recoiling baby is likely to provoke responses like "eeeewwww". All publicity is good publicity. Tomato Tommy is a bit like Tony Windsor in that regard - promise everything to everyone on the hustings until you get their vote - then do what every pollie does: back the horse called Self Interest. Just sooth the backward electorate with the fabulous news that animal dung and 'farming activities' will not be included in the non-existent net-zero carbonoosquies by 2050 'target', so there is absolutely nothing to worry about there; no more to pay. And as well all know, everything else is small beer...

Labor's best chance in the bush is to follow the Country Party lead - few policies and plenty of well targeted scare campaigns. The ALP will never win west of the Divide, it's QLD they have to fret over - it's the key to winning as any psephologist will tell you, as Queenslanders always want to poke their noses in the Miracle of Democracy and make a nuisance of themselves. Never mind that Albo is unelectable (that face, that voice), they'll take him to the next poll, where he could surprise everyone by doing an Uncle Bill Shorten in exact reverse. But first, they have to put the Rural Rump back in the sugar bag.

 

Our Man in Cornwall

 

Mount Recyclemore greets G7 leaders in Carbis Bay, Cornwall, UK.

Missing Australian flag not hanging from the Cornish Arms hotel, Carbis Bay, Cornwall, UK.

 Comrades,

I note that our Great and Glorious Leader, Scott Morrison, is winging his way to the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland as a guest at the annual G7 meeting in the gorgeous seaside resort of Carbis Bay in beautiful Cornwall, in order to keep the world safe for democracy.

It begs the obvious what is the G7, and what does it have to do with the "Five Eyes" or "The Quad" and all that spook stuff, anyway? And how did ScoMo score an invite to what that repository of all wisdom, Wikipedia, describes as "an informal club of wealthy democracies" aka Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, the United Kingdom and the United States? No idea. In any case, it's always a fabulous idea to skip the country in a crisis, abrogating all responsibility and leaving that bothersome clusterfuck of a botched vaccine roll-out to somebody else. Anyone? Any volunteers? And it goes without saying Scotty from the Tourism Board has form in this area - Hawai'i anyone? They say it's nice at this time of year.

ScoMo will tell anyone who'll listen that he's on an acronym crusade, and wants the WTO and the WHO beefed up ASAP, but all he really wants is an elbow bump with the Leader of the Free World. He might get that opportunity with Uncle Joe, but there's fat chance of having an actual meeting with Mr President, formal or informal. ScoMo will be snubbed and brushed by that Pinko Biden as an out-and-out Trumpist. After all, DJ Trump! did host Mr Morrison to a rare State Dinner at the White House (what was he thinking?), and in the dying days of the Trump Presidency, Loyal Scott was awarded the Legion of Merit - a low ranking military administrative award - good Lord, the now retired to obscurity and ill health Mr Shinzo of Japan and that ghastly Hindu ultra-nationalist Mr Modi of India were also gonged with the LoM at the same time, courtesy of the Great Orange Being. So he's in top company there, and the current POTUS has the memory of an elephant. He'll know. Be that as it may, I'm sure Scotty will have no hesitation whatsoever in signing up for the "New Cold War" now being promulgated by the Pentagon. Nothing like a bit of "red baiting" and invoking the clear and present danger of the "yellow peril" to shore up the Tory vote. Our Man in Cornwall will be much more comfortable in the company of that madcap clown Big Bad Bonking Bozo Boris than anyone else, as What Would Justin Do? and The Kid President of France would give ScoMo's French a test. The others are outliers who are best not to fall in with. You always run the risk of being spoken to in Plain German Sentences and having to hide in the velvet curtains.

Of course the PM will mouth a few platitudes about the wobbly environment fresh off the press release cheat sheet. He's tipped to make some grandiose announcement that Straya will be eminently sensible and strive for net zero carbon emissions by 2050 like the rest of the developed world, just never mind that he has two chances - none and Buckley's - given his policy of a "gas-led recovery" and spurious technologies such as 'clean coal', 'carbon capture' and other such ecological nonsense. Nothing to do with the over-reliance on fossil fuels in the Wide Brown Land just for a start off, oh, no siree, don't you worry about that. Did someone in the Country Party echo chamber say "Farm Diesel Rebate Scheme"? Carbon tax be buggered will be his message to the rapidly heating globe.

Apart from sipping cocktails from martini glasses with tiny umbrellas in them while wearing a lei around his neck, I keep having this vision of ScoMo during the 'leaders retreat', with a Cornish pasty in one hand and a stubbie of the fine mid-strength Cornish ale Doom Bar in the other, wandering down to the beach as he casually stuffs his cake-hole, then strips down to his smugglers and Cronulla-Sutherland Sharks footy cap to take a quick dip - unaware of the unusual rip tides and devilish currents of the Cornish coast - whereupon he is promptly sucked beneath the waves à la another scion of the Liberal Party, Harold Holt, never to be seen again (or picked up and whisked away by a Chinese submarine). 

While the last thing one is left with is hope, re-naming the joint Cheviot Beach would be going too far.

 

 

Uncle Purple

 

Comrades,

Everyone knows that Uncle Joe is a fond of an ice cream cone or two...but dressed like James Brown in a Ralph Lauren purple suit & tie, with aviator glasses? The POTUS?

Never once did anyone see a photograph DJ Trump! eating in public, because he well knew that would disgust people and frighten small children.

and now the Indy 500 has been run and won, and while it took a while to catch up with this one, the Great Orange Being still struggles for relevance, not that he's ever had any...

 

 

Little wonder DJ Trump's internet-thingy apparatchiks closed the above bloggy-blog-blog - for good. Never to be seen again.

in the Great State of Delaware

 

Comrade Cartographers,

All reports on the Miracle of Democracy suggest the Pinko's are working overtime to carve out the 51st United State from the District of Colombia and snare a priceless pair of Senators. As it stands, as far as gerrymanders go, it's outrageous that Washington DC's only presence in Washington is a single, non-voting, member of the US House of Representatives. That puts the overwhelmingly black and Democratic city and surrounds of 700,000 folks on a par with American Samoa. And it's that House that historically admits new States, with the approval of the Senate. Good luck with that one.

There's also been renewed interest in the otherwise forgettable Great State of Delaware since Uncle Joe was elected to the Presidency, among the common queries being "why the fuck is Delaware a state anyway?", given that it is a second smallest state in the union after Rhode Island by land area. Never mind the very poor standard of surveying or the "12 Mile Circle" or "The Wedge"...

 ...who knew there has been a long-standing movement to seize the entire Delaware peninsular, known as Delmarva (marked in black outline), which was so rudely stolen by Maryland and Virginia....but it looks like the Muskrats would have their hands full driving the Craw Trumpeters and Tar Heels off their lands...