the French goat vote

Comrades,

Well, well, well, at long last, the final definitive results are in.
President E.Macron of France has achieved a very tidy majority in the Chamber of Deputies, picking up 350 seats in the 577 seat Parliament.
It would have been even higher if not for the turn out in la 2er tour being at a record low [almost 58% of eligible voters couldn't be bothered with it] with the French being sick to death of the Miracle of Democracy after voting for seemingly months on end, which allowed all sorts of rabble-rousers and fruitcakes to come out of the woodwork.
They've got their man, and now Macron has a rubber stamp National Assembly to do with which whatever he pleases.
His principal aim of utterly destroying M.Le Pen worked a treat, with Front National coming last among the six main political groupings and getting only a minuscule eight seats [you need 15 to be officially recognised as a "party" and be eligible for extra funding].
That ol' root-rat and former Pres. F.Hollande obviously left a pox on the House of Socialism; the Pinko voters largely fled to Macron, although J-L.Mélenchon's communists managed to win 17 seats.
Here's the last map from the ever helpful French Interior Ministry...another poor fractured atlas...but it gives you an idea of the extraordinary sweep Macron has made of the countryside.
But, you have to like the tiny corner in the north near the border with Belgium where one constituency is crazed far-right, while the one next door is solid Commo.
And in Paris, one deeply Conservative patch somewhere up there in the 18th & 19th arr. is completely surrounded by rabid Reds.
How does that work?
How do they get on?
[note: click on image to enlarge]

In the lead up to the second round of the Parliamentary election, many pundits thought that punters would vote for a "donkey, goat or hippopotamus" if she/he/it/they were standing as a candidate for La République En Marche!

And so it turned out.
It is excellent to see a record number [223] of women elected to the French Parliament from all sides, many of them only in their 20's...here's the youngest...24 year old Typhanie Degois - the benjamine-elect [baby] of the Assembly - who is a fully paid up En Marche! member and will represent all the grumbling residents of Savoie there in the Alps next to Switzerland.
She's popular for the time being with the local papers, by all reports.

And Macron also had plenty of left-field candidates in the mix, including this MP-elect, "maths whizz" Cedric Villani - who at 43 is four years older than the President - and will represent the down-trodden folk of Essonne just to the south of Paris.
It's either a "what were they thinking?" moment, or that must be where all the wild & crazy dudes hang out, right?

Spooky.
Imagine him comin' at ya down the corridors of the Halls of Power?
With his get-up and credentials as a mathematician par excellence, he'd be the ideal candidate for the En Marche! party Chief Whip on the floor of the Assembly [not that Macron needs one with his majority!]
In the final paralysis, wiser heads have prevailed.
Go you good things.

world champion vote-buyers

Comrades,

I doubt there's a democracy in the world [apart from India, perhaps] where an exercise in the Miracle of Democracy takes three weeks - that's the election, not the campaign - but then you have our good friends in Papua New Guinea.
Since independence from an 'international protectorate' run by Australia in 1975, these folk have form, and plenty of it, when it comes to the vote.
In a country of nine million people [so there would have to be more than four million voters you'd think] the logistical nightmare in getting ballot boxes out to remote provinces and islands, where they'd be lucky to see anyone from the Govt. for months at a time, is a great mind-boggler.
How do they do it?
Given the stupendous terrain, for some folk it would be a walk of a day or two just to get to the nearest polling station, which surely must bring the "why bother?" factor in to play, even for people used to going everywhere by foot.
Then, getting the completed ballot papers back to wherever they are counted in a fair state of condition opens up another Pandora's Box altogether.
They have mastered the dark arts of a Westminster system that's ripe for any amount of hank-panky and jiggery-pokery.
They couldn't even agree when to start the vote, which was meant to happen on Sunday, but it was put off for a day, after complaints of ballot papers going all over the shop so some candidates were at risk of filling out their own, and then they called off voting in The Highlands on the Monday after some candidates were accused of being in collusion with electoral officials.
Never mind that many electoral officials are seen to be corrupt to the bootstraps, or the widespread gerrymandering of electorates, or the disenfranchisement of genuine voters for no apparent reason, and the puffing up of electoral rolls with "ghost" voters...it's all par for the course.
Nothing unusual.
Situation normal.
The Govt. has sent 1,000 heavily-armed troops with plenty of ammo to The Highlands just to make sure everything runs smoothly, when the polls eventually open.
It's well know that PNG politicians are perhaps the world champions of vote buying, with candidates vying with each other to see how many swine they need to deliver to a village to secure a clean sweep of the local vote.
Some don't even bother with that traditional method, and just straight-out buy votes - for good old fashioned cash money.
Tell me what's wrong with that?
Wish it happened here.
I'd be happy to sell my soul to the Devil if someone asked nicely.
So, it's comforting to know that the Melanesian Spearhead Group [MSG] has bought in former Solomon Islands Prime Minister, Sir Francis Billy Hilly, to head the team of international observers to make sure there is no vote-rigging whatsoever and that everything is all above board.
The election campaign has been variously described as "long", "lively", "rancourous", "turbulent", "bitter"...there are hundreds of candidates in the fray for the 111 seat Parliament, with most, it would seem, intent on ousting the immensely unpopular Prime Minister Peter O'Neil from power - he's seeking a second term in office - on the general platform of "vote the bastard out!".
O'Neil, you'll remember, carries an enormous amount of baggage as leader of the People's National Congress Party.
A few years back now, he was accused of siphoning off around $US30 from the public purse into his own back pocket and then slipping a few dodgy Australian dollars across to some of his best friends.
So what did he do?
In a "way ahead of his time" moment, O'Neil did a DJ Trump! and sacked the investigator - the police commissioner in charge of such investigations - along with a host of disloyal deputy police commissioners, and oddly enough, nothing has been seen or heard of it since; nothing at all.
Funny, like that.
But the whispering continues in the background as his opponents claim, by rights, that the dude should be in jail, but they can't pin the rap on him.
O'Neil also pulled off a bloodless coup back in 2011, putting troops on the streets of the capital, when the No.1 Big Man of PNG politics, Sir Michael Somare, who'd been going 'round for decades, started to call him all sorts of names and tried to usurp him as Prime Minister.
Now, that's form.
Ol' Pete certainly knows how to use strong-arm tactics, and he plays his politics dirty.
Blind Freddy can see that.
But there's still no shortage of mud-slingers out there prepared to call a spade a spade, crikey, even the 71-year-old Sir Mekere Morauta has been coaxed out of a quiet retirement to have another go in the seat of Port Morseby North West, because there is no-one else in PNG who hates O'Neil's guts more.
The Official Leader of The Opposition, Don Polye, of the Triumph Heritage Empowerment Party [an old mate of O'Neil's until there was just one too many almighty shitfights, followed by a terminal falling out] has a chance...but only if he can cobble together a rag-tag coalition of Moratu's mob, Sam Basil's Pangu Pati Party, those in favour of the People's Progress Party leader Ben Micah, and the whirlpool of myriad independent MP's with strong local followings deeply rooted in tribal factionalism and clan loyalty.
That's a lot easier said than done, in a country where political patronage is a way of life, a national sport.
It'll be a close run thing whatever happens, but things aren't expected to change that much.
Whatever the meaning of a 'free and fair election' is on the other side of the Torres Strait, it should always be taken with a grain of salt.
Still, you have to love the way Polye does his retail politics; sometimes you just can't get on the campaign trail without a helicopter:

Photo: Wanpis Ako

the consummate retail politician

Comrades,

Have you ever got a pad of 25 monogrammed shopping lists from your local MP?
I have.
Last week, the great Linda Burney, MHR for Barton sent me one.
Pearler of an idea.
Obviously, she found she still had a fair bit of the very generous "postal allowance" granted to members of Federal Parliament left over before the end of the financial year
So to her credit, she put it to good use providing something that's actually useful for the electorate, instead of the usual EOFY letter from the local member saying "Look at me! Look at me! Fark, I'm good! Just ask me!"
Instead, every time you go to the shops, there's her face and phone number on the list, just to remind you who's running the show in these parts.
And with complete assurance too, knowing that at the last Federal election, she won an already pretty heavily Pinko electorate in a land-slide, single-handedly turning Barton into one of the safest Labor seats in the country.
Go, you good thing; never mind that Linda is also the first Aboriginal woman to have ever been elected to the lower house - she is also the consumate retail politician.
During the campaign I would often see her standing outside my local railway station handing out how-to-vote cards and engaging in deep conversation with any punter who may have wanted to accost her.
She can talk the leg off a table; that's the truth.
Also appearing in my letter box was a Linda Burney monogrammed fridge magnet with a 2018 calendar on it, so the voters are able to look way forward to the future with certainty.
Every time they open their fridge door, there she is.
Who needs 'social media'?
Ahhh, the Miracle of Democracy...

point proved, mission accomplished

Comrades,

I note that Tory Tessa, having shot herself in the foot, leaves the country.
Where to, you ask?
Gay Paree, no less.
Not that wise you would have thought considering the ongoing tête-à-tête vis-à-vis following the disastrous British General Election; "while the cat's away, the mice will play", you know, that sort of thing.
To mix a metaphor, "the sharks are circling", Madame PM.
Of course E.Macron has been the complete gentleman about it all, hosting her at a 'working' dinner at the Élysée Palace to gently thrash out some moot points over a glass of thumping good claret, before popping on over to Stade de France for a footy match.
A friendly one.
The score?
Appropriately, France 3 England 2.
On matters of more import; said it before, say it again - E.Macron a political novice? What complete and utter poppycock.
He knows exactly what he is doing.
Came up with this crazy dream of an idea, now called La République en Marche, a year ago, to everyone's surprise, except himself.
E.Macron knows damn well he was born to be Président de la République, he just needed to pick the right time - so he went early, with the sole aim of destroying M.Le Pen at the ballot box.
Appealing to the French sensibility of comfortable stability, he did that with ease, and the day after he was elected as the No.1 Boss Cocky, what does he do? - goes straight back into campaigning mode for the election of the Assemblée Nationale, with the aim of further grinding Front Nationale into the dust and rubbing their faces into it, which he proceeds to do in a landslide to end all landslides.
Apart from the intractable rustbelt of the north, and the odd Commo enclave, it's pretty much a clean sweep.
Not happy, Marine?

After the 2er tour, En Marche is expected to take between 415 and 445 seats in a 577 seat parliament.
Talk about an absolute majority!
Never mind the lowest turn out at the polls since 1958; the French have got their man, and they're suffering from election fatigue.
M.Le Pen is expected to be elected to what is now a "rubber stamp" Chamber [the first time the far-right lunatic with extensive baggage has been elected to anything at all], but the fascists are tipped to wind up with no more than one to five seats...that's not even a rump party, you need 15 seats for that...that's annihilation followed by exile into total political irrelevance.
E.Macron's point proved, mission accomplished.
Now Le Kid, the "man of the people", can just get on with it, while the British Prime Minister would be well advised to keep her Tory mouth shut.

if you want a friend in Westminster, get a dog

Comrades,

Theresa May note to self:

"There is no such thing as 'friends' in Northern Ireland; if you want a friend in Westminster, get a dog".


You'll need one Tessa.
You have no 'friends' left in the Conservative party.
In one fell swoop, you've managed to destroy their guaranteed three-year majority in an entirely unnecessary election, putting party above state in a naked grab for power, which we now know backfired in an awfully spectacular fashion.
Never, ever, underestimate the electorate's ability to see straight through you.
She's managed to turn the House of Commons into an ugly unwieldy outrageous uncontrollable rabble.
If there's one thing the Tories don't do it's get angry; they get furious.
To say that Tory Tess is a "dead woman walking" - as no less than five serving Ministers of the Crown have said in private over the Queen's Birthday long weekend - is a serious understatement.
Can't remember the last British PM who stuck around for just 11 months in office, before getting it in the neck from her own kind.
That's what happens when you deliver a hung Parliament.
Minority government is not fun Ms May, you should give Julia Gillard a ring - she'll tell you.
And just who are Tessa's 'friends' in Northern Ireland, anyway?
The 'right-wing ultra-conservative' Democratic Unionist Party, that's who.
These people have form, and lots of it.
Founded back in '71 by that crazed protestant fundamentalist, the Rev. Ian Paisley; the worst, ugliest, bitterest, nastiest wackjob in British politics in living memory.
A ghastly and appalling human being, who operated under the cloak of the clergy, for gawd's sake.
By rights the DUP should be banned.
Although they won't tell you, they still have direct links with the outlawed Ulster Defence Association (UDA), also known as the Ulster Freedom Fighters, who along with the Ulster Volunteer Force, all answered to the terrorist organisation known as the Combined Loyalist Military Command during the almost quarter-century long "Troubles".
Of course, these dudes were the arch-enemies of another paramilitary gun-toting bomb-throwing terrorist organisation, known as the Provisional Irish Republican Army, and both sides had political wings throughout.
What a great bunch of mates the DUP will be, as the Sinn Féin MP's still to this very day refuse to sit in the House of Commons as a matter of principle.
They want no part of it.
These people, Tess, are not to be fucked with under any circumstances whatsoever, and are not that flash a crowd to be seen in the company of.
Light the blue touchpaper, and stand well clear.
To give you some idea, here's the Rev. Paisley back in the day, having changed out of his dog-collar and into his full campaigning clobber.

Enough said.
On a lighter note, as Britarse affairs of state go down the S-Bend, at least it's pleasing to see that the the Miracle of Democracy in the British Isles still allows for, nay, encourages eccentricity.
I have very fond memories of the late, great Screaming Lord Sutch, Leader of Official Monster Raving Loony Party [OMRLP] who spent his entire political career mercilessly skewering and lampooning self-important politicians, the arses of which the sun shone out of.
I think Lord Sutch still holds the world record for contesting the most number of elections without ever being elected to anything.
The Official Monster Raving Loony Party [est. 1983] is, of course, not to be confused with the upstart Raving Loony Green Giant Party, a faction of the OMRLP, that splintered off from the original party in 1989, or the Rock 'n' Roll Loony Party, which also broke away from the OMRLP, following the death of Screaming Lord Sutch in 1999.
The current leader of the OMRLP is Howling Laud Hope, who at age 74 campaigning on a platform of "vote for insanity" snared 119 votes in Tory Tessa's seat of Maidenhead; a very creditable 0.2% of the vote, after a howling good campaign.
But, here's the OMRLP's candidate in Red Jerry's constituency of Islington North, Knigel Knapp, hanging about trying to get in camera shots while the vote is being counted.

I have absolutely no idea what the Independent candidate Mr Fishfinger is on about, but you would imagine that he is a major-leauge supporter of battered British haddock, or perhaps he is more in favour of the European Union line on crumbed and deep fried seafood extender.
And chips
I could be wrong.
But here is the candidate himself in the Westmoorland & Lonsdale tally room, as he anxiously awaited the results.

With this mob going 'round, anything could, and will, happen.
Bless.

Gavel, the Vice Royal Dog, an Official photo-essay

Comrades,

As the British polity goes into a whirring tail spin, I'm guessing the Poms will take comfort from the fact that the Britarse Monarchy still reigns supreme here in the Colonies.
Crikey!
It's been brought to my attention that a six month old "big goober", who disgraced himself and was kicked out of the Queensland Police Academy, has been given a regal title, for failing so miserably in the service of the State.
Gavel VRD (Vice-Royal Dog) is being kept by the Hon. Mrs Kaye de Jersey, and His Excellency The Governor of Queensland The Hon. Paul de Jersey AC, QC. for their, and their servant's and guest's amusement at the splendid Government House in Brisbane.
Here's the Goober with His Exc...

The vice-regalness of the hound, of course, deserves a Royal Salute.

And doesn't Gavel the Goober just love to go on parade, surprising people with his suitably ridiculous costume.

Unsurprisingly, Gavel has a Facebook page.
Queenie would have been the first to find out, via vice-regal cable.
As the personal keeper of a large pack of nasty in-bred Welsh corgi's, of course Her Maj would approve.
They'd pick the meat from your bones if given half a chance.
Lizzy would be aghast, however, that Britain appears to be going the same way as Australia: the most unstable democracy in the South Pacific.
The only quote of any meaning I could derive from the current tête-à-têtes post the General Election in the Mother Country is from an interview given by J.Corbyn after the game to the effect "Tory Tessa is toast", followed by a jolly good damn gloat.
Who on earth would have thought that a dyed-in-the-wool Ol' Commo could attract the Labour Party's biggest ever vote since the end of the Second Fucking World War?!
Now that's unbelievable.
Ahh...the Miracle of Democracy...it's perfectly fine for the electorate to go utterly bonkers, they've got form.
As Red Jerry would no doubt also tell you, 'the workers, united, will never be defeated!!' - it's all there, the vote, and it's all up for grabs.
At 68 years of age, he's ready to serve the people.

(Pictures supplied: Government House, Brisbane, QLD)

Red Jerry & The Bomb

Comrades,

It warmed the heart of this ol' Drinker for Disarmament to hear that Red Jerry won't pull the trigger on the The Bomb if he is elected as the UK's next Prime Minister.
The Hon J.Corbyn doesn't need the Foreign Policy Numbers just at the minute in the first instance.
The Tories were trying desperately to dredge up some dirt on the bloke, and the only thing they could come up with was uncovering the fact that Jeremy joined the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament (CND) as a tender yoof [16] in 1966, and has remained true to the cause for all these years, currently holding the CND's post of Vice-President.

Corbyn says he'll be implementing a "no first strike" policy if he comes to power, never mind that letting off nukes would be "disastrous for the planet".
That good old wackjob Foreign Secretary and Minister for Stark Raving Buffoons, Boris Johnson, cried out in Conservative horror that Jezza's position is "chilling" and would "void" the current £20 billion upgrade of the Trident II D-5 nuclear missile system.
Did I hear right?
£20 billion?
I knew very well that The Bomb don't come cheap, but that'd buy a shitload of schools and hospitals, not to mention boosting wages for the workers and providing much needed relief for the poor, the stricken, the dispossessed and even "re-nationalising the Royal Mail" for gawd's sake, etc.
It'd be mad of the Ol' Pinko to want or need to fire first.
Corbyn didn't need to justify himself, and didn't, but might as well have said in his defence that he doesn't see the UK appearing to be a nuclear target by France, Russia, the former Britarse Empire, the USA, Israel, and everybody trash talkin' China and whoever else has a nuke under the bed, in the foreseeable future, and he'd also be thinking the British Isles would be well out of the range of North Korea.
And what have the Poms done to upset Fatboy Kim lately, anyway?
Red Jerry would also probably scale back the Trident's stupendous waste of precious resources; in the extremely unlikely and absolutely remote chance that someone did drop the Big One on you, you'd just need a couple of nuclear-armed subs floating around out there somewhere on the Wild Blue Yonder to say "stop it!", not a whole fleet.
Of course the other way around it is to secretly dismantle Britain's entire stock of about 125 operational thermo-nuclear war-heads (plus the 130 in reserve), pretend you've still got them, keep the Red Button (or whatever colour it is), don't tell anyone, and then no-one will be any the wiser.
Skeaky diplomacy.
Imagine the savings?
Brill!
So on that policy plank alone, I can only urge my friends in the Old Dart to Vote 1 Labour on Thursday, and remember, wherever you are on polling day, in the grand Strayan tradition, vote early, vote often.

the "Coalition of Chaos"

Fellow sunseekers,

The first day of winter in the Antipodes, and it dawned on me that that must mean it's summer in the northern climes, and that's certainly a lovely time of year to give the Miracle of Democracy a whirl in the Heart of The Empire.
A week to go to that hastily-cobbled-together early UK General Election.
Note that Tessa May could have done a Rich Dude trick here by being stupidly overconfident in the will of the people.
When Brexit Tess ran it up the flagpole, the Conservatives had an unbeatable lead of 24 points in the opinion polls, but since then the "unelectable" Jeremy Corbin has narrowed the gap considerably, despite, or perhaps because of his nakedly Pinko policy platform.
While he has next to no hope of achieving a simple majority in the House of Commons, I am rather taken with the now-hyped concept of the "Coalition of Chaos", that could well upset the Tory applecart.
To get to Number 10, the hopelessly splintered [there was a failed leadership challenge just nine months ago] Labour Party would have to get a rather large unweildy rag-bag of various Scottish & Irish nationalists, the policy-vacant Lib-Dems, some unreformed-Trot tree-huggers, and the usual collection of maybe-left-leaning-don't-know-can't-decide loops and loons to rally in behind them, and tip out the latter-day Margaret Thatcher.
No easy task, no siree.

My father rarely talked about politics, but when asked who he would vote for, he would usually reply "never trust a cold water man".
Well, there's not much to see here...May is a well known piss-pot with a chronic hangover problem [she should read Tony Blair's autobiography in which he describes the burden of office driving him to drink], crikey, Tess - when asked recently in a radio interview about her proposed alcohol tax regime - could not estimate how many standards drinks she guzzles a week.
Red Jeremy - being a good working class man - likes to go the pub to indulge in some retail politics and does not mind a drink in a crisis.
But, on the basis on these two photographs from the campaign trail of the party leaders in iconic British poses, which politician would you trust?

700,000 Frogs on pot...

Midnight tokers,

Even with us baby boomers in charge, the levers of power and the wheels of the Miracle of Democracy still move at a glacial pace.
Noted on the radio news this AM that only 25 GP's, principally in NSW, have applied for certificates to prescribe medicinal cannabis to individual patients, mainly the terminally ill.
What a really really stoopid system.
Change it, legislate for it.
Come on guys, get with the program, open up the damn doctor's script pads - trust them to "first, do no harm", for gawd's sake.
The Commonwealth Health Dept's deputy secretary in charge of drug regulation, adjunct Professor John Skerritt, says there are warehouses scattered all over Sydney full of the shit, but even if you are as crook as Rookwood, you still have to jump through flaming hoops to get at it.
WTF?
And then at what cost? It certainly aint on the PBS. Pensioner discounts? When you can go down to your local chemist shop and get all the highly addictive opiates you like for a song at the stroke of any snake oil merchant's pen.
In the meantime, 700,000 Frogs on pot can't be wrong.
They'd need it for the chronic pain:


https://www.thelocal.fr/20170527/france-to-scrap-prison-terms-for-cannabis-users

The French love measuring things, so I wonder what their annual domestic production of the hoochy-coochy is like, given the considerable black market and the fact that they have some ideal climes for it.
I remember casually plucking some choice little ripe heads off a few mature plants scattered around the herb garden of an ancient abbey in the Loire Valley that the GLW had first noticed, in full view of the knowing jardinier with winking eyes, in Sept '14; stuffed a pocket full and took them to Paris, gratuitement merci beaucoup.
God moves in mysterious ways.
Perfect.
Made it a lot easier to glide up and down those infernal Metro stairs on one good leg.

Australian Aborigines get the Constitutional right vote

This must be some kind of joke - it took until 1967 to give Australian Aborigines the Constitutional right Vote?
WTF?
Appalling.

No wonder it is the only referendum question ever to get such a huge level of approval at 90.7%, to very comfortably carry all the States.
It forever changed the "race card" in the Constitution, which still allows Canberra to make special laws for any race it deems fit.
Voter turn out at 93% was about standard under a compulsory voting system.
However, with the long history of the "White Australia Policy" and the inherent racism [present among all races] in Australia, there are two chances of EVER getting rid s.51(xxvi)of the Constitution - none, and Buckley's.
It will never happen.
Even getting a simple majority of the electorate is problematical, let alone carrying all the States.
By repealing s.127, it allowed Aboriginal people to be counted in the census for the purposes of drawing up electoral boundaries, effectively enshrining in the Constitution the 1962 Electoral Act that gave Aboriginies the right to vote, although Aboriginal people were not covered by the compulsory voting system until 1983!
So, for 20 years between suffrage and compulsion, no one cared if Aboriginies voted or not, despite the sterling efforts of the Labor party to bring out the "black vote" at the polls.
The other question, now forgotten, on whether to increase the number of members of the House of Representative, without increasing the number of Senators from each State, was sensibly, roundly defeated by the electorate.
More politicians? NO!
If it's not broke, don't fix it seems to be the over-arching Australian attitude.
Blundering on regardless.
And 50 years later - a goddamn half a century - the trouble continues.

TREATY, yeah.

TREATY, now.

Surf's Up for the Ayatollah

Comrades,

You gotta love the recent triumphant world tour by DJ Trump! - sold out shows everywhere.
First he drops in to sort out those pesky Royals down Saudi Arabia way, promising to help them gang up on Iran and give those guys the complete and utter shits.
World class diplomacy.
[Iran, by the by, has just completed its own curious excercise in the Miracle of Democracy - but somehow, the race for the Presidency there always seems to be between a "conservative" and a "hard-line cleric", no-one else appears to get a look-in, while it's Surf's Up for the Ayatollah, every day, 365].
Then The Donald pops across the border to instantly solve the Middle East Peace Question, right there and then, once and for all, while doing some weird shit at the Wailing Wall in a funny hat - good look.
Not happy with that, DJ-T! drops by the Vatican to catch up with the Bishop of Rome to seek Absolution for all his Sins, and congratulating His "what do you feed him?" Holiness on a job well done.
Winner!
Mission accomplished?
No siree.
The Trumpotus then jets into Brussels to clean up that total mess of crapola that is the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation, telling the other 27 Members that they better start coughing up for their own de-fence, as these nuclear farkin' weapons don't come cheap, boys, even on a fixed-price contract.
Have you seen the ridiculous cost of weapons-grade plutonium these days?
Then the Leader of the Free World caps off the tour by calling the Manchester bomber a "LOSER"...yep, that's right, a total loser.
What a statesman!
All in all, the whole roadshow could not have gone off any better...did you see the huge crowds of screaming fans at every show and all those autographs he signed?
Here's some highlights...The Donald hamming it up for the camera's as a Gypsy with a crystal ball!

Here's the man thoughtfully putting things right by looking for something one of his people had misplaced.

But wait, there's more...here's DJ Trump! with a beaming IL PAPA and the Two Black Brides of Christ!

Could go on, but, oh man, I'm exhausted.

"unrepresentative swill"

Green Dreamers,

Never mind the "they shoot horses, don't they?" question, I note that the "it's my party, and I'll die, if I want to" debate came to a head overnight in the Tasmanian Parliament and the Bill was defeated 8-16 on a "conscience" vote.

8-16?

https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2017/may/25/assisted-dying-bill-fails-to-pass-tasmanian-parliament

With the Speaker obviously not required to vote, that puts the full membership of the chamber in Tassy at just 25.
25!?
Talk about "small government" in the extreme, that's more like a slightly over-stuffed committee, than a Parliament.
Crikey...the Parliament of Iceland, [which boasts a population smaller than Tasmania], the Alþingi has 63 members.
Geeting elected there must be a cinch, as each Member of the Alþingi represents about 5,000 electors at most -- you could ring them all up in a fortnight and ask them to vote for you, and then you only need a bit over two voters to say yes and, bingo!, yr elected.
The Australian House of Representatives has 150 members, which is about right for a small population in world terms, the US House of Reps is sensibly limited by the Constitution at no more than 435 reps, the French have gone right over the top at 577 deputies in the National Assembly, while the UK's storied House of Commons is off its tree and in the next orchard at 650 members(!)
Now that's unwieldy.
No wonder the House of Commons does not have enough benches or seats to sit all the Members; that was the first thing Winston Churchill insisted on upon it's rebuilding after the original building had the bejesus bombed out of it by the Germans in WWII.
And of course the Tasmanian Parliment was the first to use the infamous Hare-Clark system of voting [invented in 1857, but never really widely adopted], which, by its very nature, allows for all sorts of crackpots, loons, and nutjobs to be elected with hardly any first preference votes.
Just ask the Hon. Sen. Derryn Hinch or the Hon. Sen. Pauline Hanson or Nick the Greek, not to mention no less than nine unreformed Greenies - wackjobs, all of 'em - they'll tell you.
That's why the 12 Senators for each state regardless of population Hare-Clarky Australian Senate was famously referred to by The Great John Paul Keating as "unrepresentative swill".
The last time the Rich Dude tried to reform it, it all went horribly pear-shaped, and got way worse, as he appears to have ignored the fact that voters have mind's of their own.
Aaaah...the Miracle of Democracy...

DJ Trump! and Three Sticks

Comrades,

DJ Trump! hops on Air Force One to have his first look-see at the Brave New World, first stop Saudi Arabia.
At least they have palaces and gold leaf down to a fine art.
The Donald will enjoy that.
And what comes out of his summit with these particular Right Royal Oppressive Zealots...an arms deal!
Truck loads of American shooters, at "special price for you!"
Isn't that beautiful?
Next stop, solving, for once and for all, the MIddle East Peace Question.
That's great!

I note that the bloke who was the ghost writer on the DJ Trump! masterpeice (I've read it and it's one of the best manifesto's going) The Art of the Deal, Tony Schwartz, reckons that the Trumpotus will resign before he is impeached, Nixon-style.

http://www.smh.com.au/world/i-wrote-the-art-of-the-deal-with-donald-trump-his-selfsabotage-is-rooted-in-his-past-20170517-gw7ex8.html

And he thinks it'll be inside six months, and it will be The Donald's greatest victory, ever, because he'll be able to say "I told you so. Didn't I? On the Campaign? I told you that the Washington swamp would be out to get me from day one, but now they can't because I'm moving back to New York where everybody loves me and respects me. The political elite tried the greatest stitch-up job on me in the history of humans, well, at least since Jesus, and look at them, they utterly and completely failed. Total Losers".
Never had a lot of time for Waleed Aly, too wrapped up in his own self-percieved importance, for mine - I couldn't listen to his show on Radio National as he sounded too much like a legal academic, which he is, by profession - but this isn't bad:

http://www.smh.com.au/comment/suddenly-this-is-a-president-staring-down-the-barrel-of-impeachment-20170518-gw7kxq.html

Do like "Bobby Three Sticks" being named as special counsel into those damned Ruskies; does that mean he uses three fingers when he shafts someone up the arse?
Don't think this bloke will be caught foolin' around and trash talkin'.
Let alone around the White House.

(originally published 21-05-17)

nice work if you can get it

Struggle streeters,

Nice work if you can get it:

http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/federal-police-raid-office-of-sydney-property-developers-michael-teplitsky-and-boris-markovsky-20170517-gw6x6d.html

http://www.smh.com.au/national/ato-deputy-commissioner-michael-cranston-to-be-charged-over-tax-fraud-20170517-gw7gf2.html

"Among the items seized under proceeds of crime were 25 motor vehicles, including luxury cars and racing cars, 12 motorbikes, 18 residential properties, two aeroplanes, $1 million from a safe deposit box, firearms, jewellery, bottles of Grange wine and artworks."

OK, sure, a million in pineapples in a box at the bank is a nice touch, and there's probs a Ferrari thrown in their somewhere, but two aeroplanes? -- what about a chopper or three? -- and Grange> so low rent, non, non, non...some cases of Lafite would have been much better.
The jewellery is likely junk - as every half-decent thief knows, diamonds are forever, and the bigger the better.

This one strikes at the very heart of the Miracle of Democracy when high ranking public servants go off the rails for reasons known only to themselves for a crack at the honky dollar in spades.
Misconduct as a public official carries two to five in pokey - there's no not doin' time in the jailhouse on this one - just ask my mate Eddie Obeid.
Son and daughter are in even deeper doggy doo-doo...long stretches there.
Jury's generally don't treat caught tax cheats very kindly.

An army of barristers - silk at twenty paces - will be queuing up for this one.
The defendents don't appear to be short of a bob.



(originally published 18-05-17)

the man in the Moon

Comrades,

I know it's all very simple, but can someone please tell me just what the fuck is going on on the Korean peninsular?
With a fair degree of sabre rattling going on, the final solution is apparently quite easy: DJ Trump! just pops a tactical nuke over to Pyongyang, and it's game over.
But really, you've got the "second craziest" leader in world in the North upholding the time-honoured family tradition of the fine art of exercisng real power through despotic autocracy without the need for any recourse to the Miracle of Democracy, whatsoever.
Works brilliantly, according to Fatboy Slim.
Has for decades.
Meantime down South, they haven't had a leader at all for months, until now.
Of course, after months of street protests, the corrupt-as-buggery former President was forced out of office for being "badly advised", and could end up doing jail time.
How very precient.
Now they've had an election, and a "former human rights lawyer" gets the nod, in Moon Jae-in.
Get to know his man.
Moon's policy platform, apart from the "given" of continued economic prosperity, seems to hinge on two planks "continuing rapprochement with the North" and "cozying up to China".
Everyone's had a go at it since 1953, and got precisely nowhere.
Good luck with that Moon Face.


(originally published 18-05-17)

the Miracle of Democracy - Bahamanian-style

Who knew that the Bahamas is still a Constitutional Monarchy after all these years?
Choice part of the world for it, under the swaying palms and all that.
Great costumes and funny hats, to boot.
Noted that the good burghers of those particular Caribbean islands have just done an excercise in the Miracle of Democracy, electing Hubert Minnis - a doctor of medicine - as the Prime Minister after a whirlwind campaign when he did a Pheonix rising from the ashes trick, to take the top job in a landslide when just a couple of months earlier, his political career appeared to be have been dashed upon the rocks.
Entirely sure that the country's tax haven and money laundering policy arrangements on which the economy almost entirely depends will soldier on regardless, unchanged.
They've got it down to a fine art.
But never mind Ol' Papa Doc Hubes; doctor, doctor, gimme the news...he managed to pick up 35 seats in a 39 seat Parliament.
Minnis is beholden to Her Majesty, who's representative in the Bahama's is an 83 year old who just happened to be born there by accident, and did nothing apart from marrying well.
I give you...Dame Marguerite Matilda Pindling:

It's marvellous to see in this day and age that tin-pot democracies still exist.

(originally published 18-05-17)

a clever man

Comrades,

He's a clever man, E.Macron.
His appointment of a Conservative Prime Minister is a masterstroke.
Who said he is a political novice? Bullshit.
You can see exactly what he is doing - trying to coalesce the communist, socialist and republican vote around him to create a massive voting bloc to gang up on Le Pen and keep the fascists well away from the levers of power.
Thrashed her in the Presidential election, and now, from day one in charge, he's looking to utterly destroy her in the General election.
I really hope he does well - but he's up against the intractable problem that is France itself.
How it hasn't fractured into at least five different countries over the centuries is beyond me.

(originally published 17-05-17)

another lawyer's picnic

Comrades,

Here's another lawyer's picnic:


http://www.theage.com.au/national/investigations/free-speech-the-loser-in-australias-defamation-bonanza-20170511-gw2cnc.html?promote_channel=edmail&mbnr=NDg5ODk3Mg&eid=email:nnn-13omn654-ret_newsl-membereng:nnn-04%2F11%2F2013-news_am-dom-news-nnn-age-u&campaign_code=13INO008&et_bid=29077512&name=44_age_newsalert&instance=2017-05-11--21-17--UTC

"a complex and expensive area of law", eh?

"Defending a court action for defamation cost between about $100,000 and $1.1 million".
WTF?

"Defamation lawyer Matt Collins, QC, said Australia's laws were now "a Frankenstein's monster"'.

Crikey!
Good thing no-one reads my blog[s].
I could be done for a shit load of cash.
Shhhh!



(originally published 12-05-17)

"journalism is the first draft of history"

Comrades,

Most sad to hear of the death of a straight up and down old school journo in Mark Colvin of the ABC at 65.
Never met the man, but by all accounts he was a scholar and a gentleman...there's not many of us left now.
The Dude worked for the ABC for 43 years, and while his four-year-old kidney transplant appeared to be going well, but it was inoperable lung cancer - which he kept a secret - that got him in the end.
He liked to say "journalism is the first draft of history".
Vale.

Two weeks before he died, Colvin posted on the 'social media' a photo of his dog, Chops, under the title of "best medicine".
Bless.

(originally published 11-05-17)

beer, cigs...up!

Comrades,

I threw a Budget party last night to celebrate the introduction of the magnificent Appropriation Bill (No.1), and nobody came.
That's despite the finest Champagne and caviar being in the offing.
I must mix with the wrong crowd.
I can't tell you just how delighted I am that the Govt is jacking up the price of cigars and DIY tobacco, while cracking down hard on the drunk, stoned, long-term unemployed.
That'll get the budget back in balance by 2021; sure-fire thing.
You don't know how many times I've seen a drug-fucked dole-bludger with a giant Cuban stogie hanging out of his mouth, weeping into his glass of Coonawarra shiraz in despair, crying out bitterly "Jesus, I just don't know where my next packet of rollies is coming from. Help me God, what I am going to do?"
Sad.

(originally published 10-05-17)

no to a lemon meringue tart

Here's corker in local news from The Wild West.
That's the great thing about the Miracle of Democracy, you can do this sort of thing without the risk of facing the firing squad.
You don't often see a bloke of some public profile pied in public these days.
Alan certainly hasn't.
No idea what the pie chucker was on about, but I have never met anyone who's said no to a lemon meringue tart:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-05-09/qantas-chief-alan-joyce-cops-cream-pie-in-face-in-perth/8510156



(originally published 10-05-17)

All power to yr oars, Kiddo

Comrades,

The final results and maps are in.
E.Macron picked up a thumping 66.1% of the vote [with Paris and the overseas territories now counted], and nationwide he absolutely caned Le Pen, who only took two département:

And seeing the nouveau Président de la République has to spend a fair bit of time hanging out in Paris, he's right in his comfort zone, with every arrondissements municipaux backing him in by an enormous majority:

Wiser heads have prevailed.
All power to yr oars, Kiddo.

(originally published 09-05-17)

my mate Macron - Vive la france!

Comrades,

The Miracle of Democracy.
My bookie has paid out.
E.Macron salutes in a landslide.
You bewdy.
I did like the quote I heard on election day from someone who was described as a "spritely pensioner" who had always voted conservative as she was going into a pollling station.
The rough translation was "I will hold my nose as I vote for Macron. Le Pen? Phhff! She carries her father's baggage".
Pretty much sums it up.
Also note that the French don't muck about - the new President must take office within seven days of the Constitutional Council officially announcing the result on Wednesday...there's no hoo-ha...all it takes is a visit to the Hôtel de Ville in Paris and a quick farewell handshake from the outgoing Pres. Hollande, and yr in.
The Monday following the election is a public holiday in France, with good reason...[it's VE Day], as everyone has hangovers.
With 90% of the vote counted, this is perhaps the most clear cut electoral map of France in living memory.

The left simply used its huge voting bloc to great effect, Le Pen was just too far out there for the Conservatives, and so Macron had all the vast swathe of farmlands from the west through the centre to the massif central and up into the Alps nailed down flat, as well as Brittany and Normandie, an almost clean sweep of the south, and all along the Loire.
Le Pen's only real solid support came from the enormous rustbelt in the north and north east, and small patches along the Mediterranean.
I've always marvelled that the hard-right rentiers who've got property on the Côte d'Azure are surrounded by hills behind them that are absolutely infested with Commo's.
Such is France.
En marche!
Vive la france!

(originally published 08-07-17)

I have always wanted a pissometer

Loyalists,

Nice list of Phil the Greek quotes here:

http://www.msn.com/en-au/news/uknews/prince-philip-retires-a-look-back-at-his-greatest-gaffes/ar-BBAOLgS?li=AAsEOE&ocid=spartanntp


I remember when I was covering the Royal Tour of March 2000 as a radio news reporter.
I was with the press pack in Bourke, and while Queenie was visiting the School-of-the Air, Phil the Greek was sent out to some tablegrape vineyard run by Abo's, so some of us tagged along.
At the end of the inspection of facilities and plaque unveiling, Phil was given a gleaming commemorative brass piezometer as a parting gift [it's an instrument that measures the pressure of bore water].
Phil remarked "Oh, a PISS-OM-ETER! I have always wanted a pissometer. Thank you very much. It will certainly come in handy at the palace ".


(originally published 07-05-17)

why it pays to take an interest in French politics

Comrades,

Months ago [on 02-12-16 to be precise] I read a long and detailed article about E.Macron.
It speculated that he might not wait another five years and was considering making a run for the French presidency.
So, I thought I would check with my bookie, and found that they were offering luxury odds on the then non-candidate rank outsider of $14 for the win.
I immediately slapped a lazy lobster on it, on the principle of never looking a gift horse in the mouth.
[Today, the odds are E.Macron $1.10 and M.Le Pen $7.00.]
Crikey, as the article pointed out, it's patently obvious the man was born to it.
Earmarked for greatness at birth by his medico parents, he went to the right school [obviously - his teacher and future wife told him at the age of 16 that one day he would be the leader of La Grande République - and he believed her], he went to the right university colloquially known as "Nanterre la rouge" to study Philosophy, and then did his post-grad at the right finishing school that all future Presidents of France go to, École nationale d'administration, where it is incredibly difficult to get a pass mark, which E.Macron did easily with flying colours.
He then became a high-minded public servant with a numbers brain as big as a football, then chucked that in to become a merchant banker at Rothschild & Cie Banque to gather up a tidy fortune, and then wound up being drafted into current President Hollande's cabinet as an un-elected socialist Finance Minister.
Then he quit, was reprimanded by Hollande, which only boosted his popularity, and announced his candidacy for the Presidency at age 39, under the hitherto unknown banner of En Marche! on a generally pinko policy platform aimed at pleasing all of the people all of the time.
Winner!
Boy, has Monsieur Macron got the smarts in spades, or what?
You would expect the good folk of France - who love nothing more than to yabber on endlessly about politics - to be all rather sensible about this [unlike the Brexiting Poms] on Sunday on the basis of "anyone but that bastard fascist Le Pen", and elect the bloke to the Palais de l'Élysée by a wide margin [he currently holds an absolutely unbeatable 22% lead in the latest opinion polls].
The Miracle of Democracy.
Go you good thing you!

PS...it's pleasing for an Old Journo to see that France is just about the last place left in the first world where good ol' fashioned "media scrums" are still in favour:

(originally published 05-05-17)

discrimination -- alive and well

I know, it's photo-shopped like everything else these days, but isn't it marvellous to see that discrimination is still alive and well?!

(originally published 04-05-17)

the Democratic Riviera District of Sochi

Lord High Rollers,

Did note that after the Russian Formula One Grand Prix, My Mate Vlad stayed on in Sochi to have a pow-wow with Angela Merkel.

And why not, Ol' Putes has got a sweet little gaff there, in the Riviera District.
Everything's completely fine:

"Residence Riviera is a white, three-story mansion in the 'new Russian' style, the mish-mash of architectural references favored by a ruling elite untroubled by aesthetics. While there are Art Nouveau flourishes on the facade, the interior is neo-baroque, propped up by decorative columns and accented with gold. Construction on Riviera-6 was completed in 2006."

Just around the corner is a park with a lovey mural of Lenin, and plenty of public pissour's:

"On one tourist map, a pictogram of a roll of toilet paper occupies the approximate location, presumably to symbolize the availability of public toilets."

(originally published 03-05-17)

rioting in Paris

You can always rely on the French to have a proper riot mid-way through the campaign for the Presidency
Rioting in Paris on May Day...that's the way, the traditional French way.
quel plaisir!

http://en.rfi.fr/france/20170501-paris-rally-marred-clashes-6-days-election

Particularly liked this innovative riot machine:

(originally published 02-05-17)

"holiday heart syndrome"

Social drinkers,

With the Christian Democrats in charge of Germany, all is well.
Things happen that would not even be dreamt of in other countries.
But, that's OK.

You've gotta love the name of the lead researcher into "holiday heart syndrome" -- Dr. Moritz Sinner.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/heavy-drinking-linked-to-abnormal-heart-rhythm-oktoberfest-study-finds/


Doc Sinner?
Obviously, if he drops dead in his Lederhosen after a big night in the vomitorium, he's gonna go straight to hell for suggesting beer is bad for you.
Burn, baby, burn.
These people having a mighty time with the stein have probably voted in favour of something or another.

Nice hats!

(originally published 28-04-17)